chemo #9 down

I had my chemo treatment this morning. I reacted to the medication during the infusion. This medication can cause pain in the sinus area of the face if there is a reaction (I don't know why), that is what I experienced today. It also causes a bad headache that feels like a sinus headache that won't go away. I had/have that too. The good news is that I will still be able to take the medicine but they will slow the rate that they give the drug to me, that is supposed to reduce the symptoms. So it will just take a little longer to get the chemo infusion, but that's okay. The most important thing is that I can continue with the treatment.

I am not feeling well today, the treatment hit me pretty hard. I think it is the cumulative effect that is happening now in my body with the addition of each chemo treatment. I am feeling some nausea, though the three different anti-nausea medicines are helping some. I am drinking a lot of water like a good compliant patient and anticipate being up a number of times in the night, which is the desired effect (pls see "Starting New Chemo Medication Dec.31" post).

I have known and felt your prayer for me throughout the day. It feels like a warm blanket of peace and grace wrapped all around me. I am deeply thankful for that. Ron and I had a great talk about the Lord with a guy at chemo today too, that was really encouraging. He is a catholic christian with six kids and is really trusting in Jesus throughout his fight against cancer.

I am so thankful for each of you and am praying for a blessed and abundant New Year for you. I am praying that all that you have given to us in 2008 will be pressed down, shaken together and running over in your lives in 2009...exponential fruitfulness from your faithful sowing into our lives!

Happy New Year! love the Musch fam

Bill's surgery went well, thank you so much for praying!

I wanted to let you all know how much I appreciate your prayers for my brother, Bill. A number of you have contacted me to let me know you are praying...I am so very grateful to you.

Bill's surgery went well today. It was shorter than they expected and they were able to remove all of the tumor. Thank you, Lord! There were no lymph nodes involved, which is always good news! He will be in the hospital for about 5 days, please continue to keep him and his dear family in your prayers. I don't know yet when the info from the biopsy will be returned but I would imagine sometime next week.

Thank you again so very much.

My brother, Bill, is having surgery on Dec. 31, please pray for him

I am so very grateful for your steadfast prayer for me. There is someone very dear to me that I want to ask you to include when you pray for me. It is my brother, Bill.

He has been diagnosed with a rare tumor that is between his liver and his stomach. He is having surgery to remove it at 9AM on Wednesday, December 31. They know it is a Gastrointestinal Stromal Tumor (GIST). After the surgery, we should know if it is malignant or not. They expect the surgery to take 2-3 hours.

I know that his wife, his son, daughter and two step-daughters would also appreciate your prayer. My other two brothers and sister will be at the hospital during the surgery, I will be having chemo at that time. You can imagine that this is a lot for our family to handle. Knowing you are praying is a great comfort and encouragement. Again, I lack the ability to express how deeply grateful I am for your prayer. May God multiply abundantly back to you in every way for all that you are giving in prayer. Thank you.

My Fingers are Still Numb

Some have asked about the status on my fingers and thumbs. They are still numb, though there are times when some of them are painful. I thought that perhaps any feeling was good, but I was told today during my oncology appointment that the pain is not good news. On the other hand, I was also told that nerves can come back up to a year out from treatment. So the good news is we have time to see God restore the feeling back to normal!

I can honestly say that I am not worried about my fingers. There is such a deep rest that God knows and will take care of me. The feeling I have reminds me of times when I have looked out over a lake early in the morning when the water looks like glass because the water is perfectly and deeply calm. Only God can give that kind of peace in the midst of such circumstances. I do know though that He responds to our prayers, that He calls us to partner with Him through prayer in what He is doing on this earth and in our lives. Your prayers, I am convinced, are being answered by God and are profoundly effecting my life. Thank you for such a precious gift.
with a deeply thankful heart,
Leslyn

Starting New Chemo Medication on Wed., Dec 31

Tomorrow I begin a new chemo medication called Cytoxan. I have 4 treatments of this drug, given every two weeks for a total of 8 weeks. In two months I will be finished with chemotherapy. Knowing that really helps me to keep pushing forward, even though, honestly, I am dreading tomorrow.

This medication is supposed to make me very sick to my stomach again. Of the three medications that they are giving me during chemo, the first one I took was supposed to be the hardest, the one I just finished was supposed to be the easiest (if that was easy, yikes) and this one is supposed to be in the middle. Harder than the one I just took, but easier than the first one. I must say, the thought that Cytoxan is supposed to be harder than the one I just finished gives me pause... The Lord knows how much I can handle though and I know that He will not give me more than I can bear, so in that I am finding rest and strength to tackle what is before me.

Apparently, this drug, if looked at under a microscope is very spiky. So much so that if the drug stays any length of time in the bladder, it will cause the bladder to bleed. So I am supposed to drink a lot of water and drink a lot just before going to bed tomorrow night so that I wake up during the night. I think my eyes are going to start floating soon!

The most concerning side-effect of the medicine (if the bladder thing was not enough) is that when given with Herceptin (the drug I have infused every week) it can cause permanent heart damage. Would you please pray especially for protection for my heart. Needless to say, I want to come through this with a healthy and strong heart. I am asking the Lord for a full restoration of my health by the time I get to the end of this journey of fighting cancer. I am asking that my heart would be wholly protected throughout my treatment.

I am so grateful for your prayers! I hope you all had a wonderful Christmas. Thank you too for praying for me during Christmas. I know that you were because I did well and was able to enjoy time with family. It was really great.

Thank you for my birthday blessings and encouragement

Thank you to all of you who sent me your birthday blessings and encouragement yesterday. I was extremely touched by the love and kindness that you showered on me. You all are such a blessing to me. with much love, Leslyn

2/3 Through with Chemo!

With my last Taxol treatment last Thursday, I hit the 2/3 point in my chemo therapy! I have 8 treatments down and 4 to go (8 more weeks). They cut my last Taxol treatment down by 25% for which I am very grateful because I have had pretty severe bone pain since that treatment. I can only imagine what it would be like if I had had a full dose!

My fingers are still numb and I find I drop things a lot, but the burning and itching seems to be getting better so I am grateful for that.

My red blood cells continue to be low, basically causing me to be anemic and really tired, but the great news is that my liver and pancreas levels have come up to normal. So we are making progress. Please keep praying, your prayers are prevailing!

The final bit of good news is that my physical therapist is really pleased with my progress. I have regained almost all of the range of motion in my left arm. I will continue with the stretches and exercises she gave me over the next few months and then go back to see her after I have recovered from radiation therapy. Radiation effects the cells, skin and muscle, so I may need some more physical therapy later, but for now I am moving well. Again, thank you for your faithful prayers for me, I know my progress is a direct result of God's gracious intervention.

Infection Is All Cleared Up!

Thank you so much for praying re: the infection. I can't remember when an infection has cleared up so quickly and easily. I even had a bonus, I didn't realize until about three days into the antibiotic that I had a sinus infection too until it started draining and cleared right up from the antibiotics. So I got a "two-fer"-- two fer the price of one!

The toxicity levels in my body are getting high

I found out today that my body is getting pretty toxic from the Taxol treatments. For the past 5 days the tips of my fingers and thumbs have been numb and have stayed that way. Before, the numbness would come and go, so this is a significant change. Peripheral neuropathy (numbness in the hands and feet) is one of the side effects of Taxol.

Please pray that the numbness goes away because sometimes it can be permanent. I continue to have itching and burning sensations that come and go in my hands and feet as well. Imagine the worst possible case of poison oak under the skin of your hands and feet and you can imagine what it feels like. It is very intense. It lasts anywhere from 30 minutes to most of the day. I have also developed a bladder infection. Kathleen put me on antibiotics today to try and clear it up. I am so grateful she did because it has gotten worse as the day has gone on, so hopefully I will feel better in a couple of days. Please pray for the healing of this infection, I don't respond real well to antibiotics so I really need God's supernatural intervention and healing.

Because of the numbness, infection, anemia and overall not-doing-real-well, they have decided to reduce the amount of Taxol they are going to give me on Thursday. It is a delicate balance they try to find between attacking cancer cells that might be lurking in my body and not overloading my system with too many toxins. They said that the amount they are reducing it by will not diminish the overall effectiveness of my treatment, which is good news! I really do need your prayer for healing, grace, strength and a supernatural ability for my body to process the toxins from the chemo.

My next chemo treatment is Thursday at 9:30AM. It is my last 5 hour Taxol treatment. The next chemo drug I will be taking has a shorter infusion time, so I am grateful for that. I will tell you more about that drug later...

I like my radiation oncologist a lot

Thanks so much for praying for my appointment with the radiation oncologist, it went really well and went a long way to making me feel better about the whole thing. They have come a long way in the last few years with radiation treatment, there are not as many severe side effects as there used to be, which was, I think, the source of some of my fear. She is a great doctor and I feel very confident that she is the right doctor for me. Ron and I had a great conversation with her about the true meaning of Christmas, she brought it up when she found out we had been missionaries and are pastors. God is amazing. She is a beautiful and brilliant Iranian woman, please pray that she finds Jesus, the true meaning of Christmas that she is seeking.

I will be having 6 weeks of radiation. I will go daily, Monday through Friday, with the weekends off. It looks like we will begin treatment in early March. We still have to firm up the dates. I will meet with her again at the end of my chemo treatment to start all of the preliminary appointments that I will need to have before the treatment begins. I guess there are some tests and a bunch of measurements that they have to do before they actually start the radiation treatments. My next appointment is not until February, so I have some time yet.

One big relief is that they don't have to radiate under my arm. They are just going to radiate my chest wall muscles and lymph nodes and the lymph nodes in my neck. I will give more details about how to pray for all of that as we get closer, in the mean time, I am just going to enjoy the fact that it is still two months away.

Seeing the Radiation Oncologist Today

I have an appointment with the Radiation Oncologist today at 3:00pm. I don't really know what to expect, though I think we are deciding on how long radiation will take and they will hopefully give me an overview of what will be happening with this process. I think one of the biggest issues we will decide is whether or not to radiate my left under arm. I know they are going to radiate my chest wall and neck. The lymph nodes under my arm are a big deal because I don't have many left and apparently it can negatively impact my left arm and hand. I will know more, I am sure, by this afternoon.

I don't expect to actually begin radiation until March, but I understand that there are a number of things they need to do before they begin, so hence the appointment now. Please pray for wisdom as we go to this appointment. I must admit that radiation scares me a bit, but I am trusting in God's presence, wisdom and goodness in this even as He has been faithful to me until now.

Chemo #7 down

Just got home from chemo # 7. I am feeling pretty drained and tired so am writing to you from bed. I bet I will sleep great tonight though!!

The next week, as my body processes the chemo, neulasta and herceptin, will be very challenging with the bone/muscle pain and I would so appreciate your prayer.

I thought I would include a picture of my bald head. I was thinking that if there is a storm this Christmas, Santa could use my glowing white head to guide his way and give Rudolph the night off!!

I pray God's peace guards your heart and mind this Christmas season and that your eyes are set unwaveringly on our beautiful Savior, Jesus, who came to set us free and give us life abundantly and filled with His love.

Asleep in the Boat

Several people have asked me lately what the Lord is saying to me and where I'm at spiritually. I thought I would share with you a picture the Lord has been giving me. I have been encouraged by it and I hope you are too.

You may recall the story in the Bible (Luke 8:22-25) where Jesus and the disciples get into a boat to cross over the lake. While they were crossing, a huge storm came up and the disciples were freaking out because they were afraid. The waves on that lake can get huge and storms can come up out of nowhere, totally unexpectedly. The boat was on the verge of being swamped, the waves were crashing, the wind was blowing, the storm was raging but Jesus was sound asleep in the back of the boat. Always in the past, the emphasis for me has been on the fact that Jesus got up and calmed the storm, which of course is awesome. But right now, the picture that the Lord has been showing me has a different point.

As I pray, I keep seeing the boat in the midst of the storm, crashing waves, thundering seas, gusting wind and I see me, tucked up next to Jesus, sleeping beside Him in the back of the boat. The picture is of me in perfect peace, not because of circumstances around me but because I am next to Jesus. His arm is over me and we are both peacefully sleeping; because He is at peace, I am at peace.

I have been asking the Lord what I'm supposed to be doing during this time. This picture keeps coming back to me and the simple phrase, "rest and be at peace." So here I am, where I am supposed to be just now, asleep in the boat with Jesus...in the midst of the storm.

Recovering from chemo

I seem to be having a rough time with the Taxol. The bone and muscle pain continue to be pretty bad for about 5-7 days following treatment. The drugs they gave me helped some, but didn't knock it out by a long shot. The Lord had prepared me ahead of time that this stretch might be difficult, so I am thankful for the forewarning. I do so value and need your prayers during this time, pain is very wearing both physically and emotionally.

The good news is that I have now passed the half way point in my chemo treatment. That thought has been very encouraging. I just keep putting one foot in front of the other and trusting the Lord to hold my hand. Thank you for continuing on this journey with me.

Hannah is sick with a bad cold again

Just a quick note to ask for special prayer for Hannah and the rest of us. She caught another cold, deep cough and really sore throat. She feels and sounds terrible. Her doctor started her on antibiotics on Monday, she seems a little better today. We are, of course, praying that I stay well and that Ron doesn't catch it either.

Hannah has been great. She has been wearing a surgical mask around the house to try and keep me from being exposed. We are disinfecting everything during the day and doing all we can to keep me well so that I can stay on track with my chemo treatments. Sticking to the chemo schedule is vitally important.

I am feeling a little congestion in my lungs tonight, please pray that this clears and that I am healed. Thank you!!

5 hour chemo treatment Thurs. Nov 20

Well, tomorrow I have a 5 hour chemo treatment. It will be my first combo of Taxol and Herceptin. Two weeks ago the Taxol treatment was pretty tough, and honestly, I am dreading having to go in tomorrow. The pain that I experienced after my last treatment of Taxol was bad enough that I cried. I don't cry very often from physical pain, but I did from the Taxol. It made my bones ache pretty badly.

Kathleen, my God-sent nurse practitioner, is tweaking my medication to try and help with the pain. I will take extra steroids to help suppress the bone pain and she gave me some prescription strength pain killers to take if the steroids don't help enough. So hopefully, it won't be as bad this time. I am really tired too and I know that the fatigue effects my emotions, probably adding to my feelings about tomorrow.

I know that you all will be praying for me tomorrow as I go for treatment and in the days following (the bone pain lasts 5-7 days, mine lasted the full 7 last time). Knowing you are praying gives me tremendous comfort and helps me to keep pushing forward. Thank you for that gift.

Please continue to pray that I do not have an allergic reaction to either of the drugs...both of these medications are vitally important in my journey to walking into full health and restoration.

Thank you again, lovingly, Leslyn

Tucked Under His Wing

I just wanted to thank you all specifically for your faithful prayer for me. I wanted to let you know how protected I have been feeling even in the midst of physical suffering. The only way I can really describe it is that I feel like I am tucked under His wing, safe beside God's heart and covered by His tender grace. I know you have been praying so faithfully for me and I wanted you to know that God is indeed answering your prayers in a most profound way.

One thing that has become so apparent to me is that though my body is sick, my spirit is not. My spirit and emotions are well and at peace, only Jesus can do that! I have had people comment on my smile and laughter in waiting rooms and in the chemo room. I know that they are seeing Jesus, feeling His Spirit and benefiting from your prayers! Thank you, love Leslyn

Starting Herceptin Tomorrow, Thursday, Nov 13

Well, the round of Taxol that I started last week hit me pretty hard. The bone pain was pretty intense and I was very fatigued, hence the lack of updates on the blog. In the case of my blog, no news is not usually good news. Usually, it means that I am not feeling well enough to sit at the computer. The doctor is tweaking my medications so that the next round of chemo should be better.

I won't have the Taxol again until next week, but tomorrow I will start a new medication called Herceptin. You may remember that this is the drug that they are giving me to counter the aggressive nature of the cancer. This is the drug that I will now be taking every week for the next year. So tomorrow the infusion will take about an hour and a half, on the weeks I take Herceptin and Taxol (every other week) the infusion will take about 5 hours.

Please be praying as I begin Herceptin tomorrow. The side effect that is the most serious is possible heart damage including congestive heart failure. I believe that God is able to keep my physical heart just as He keeps my spiritual and emotional heart. Would you pray for His protection over my heart as I take this medication. The inconvenient side effects are flu-like symptoms that include fever and chills that last around 3 days. I am really hoping and asking that I take this drug in stride and that I am not hit by the side effects of it. Herceptin is truly a life-saving drug that I am so thankful to be able to take. It was only released two years ago, so I am feeling very grateful for it.

The infusion begins tomorrow at 9:30Am. Thank you for being with me in prayer. Your willingness to stand with me touches me and my family more deeply than I can express.

Starting New Chemo Medication on Thursday

The good news is that I finished one of the three chemo medications. I start the second one, Taxol, on Thursday. There are some side effects that are a concern and I have been struggling emotionally the past couple of days as the time to begin this drug approaches. I thought the best thing I could do is to let you know and ask you to please be praying as I begin this medication.

[To add to the mix, I will also be starting Herceptin (the drug they will give me because the tumor was HER/2 positive and very aggressive) the following week. More on that drug next week.]

Here are the side effects:
--The infusion will take 3-4 hours (on Herceptin weeks 4-5 hours)
--Fatigue (can be debilitating) 5-7 days
--Muscle and bone pain (can be severe) 5-7 days
--Numbness and tingling in hands and feet that can lead to permanent nerve damage
--Hair loss (whatever is left usually falls out)
--Allergic reaction (apparently, this drug causes reactions so frequently that they spend the first 45 minutes of the infusion time giving anti-histamines to reduce the effects of the reaction they expect will happen)
--Decreased white blood cells
--Nausea
--Vomiting
--Diarrhea
--Stomach inflamation

So, you can see that these side effects are daunting. Please pray that God would remove or minimize them. I have had a sense that this section of chemo was going to be tough, so please also pray that I would have the strength to walk through it and to continue to keep my eyes on the Lord and His joy in my heart. Thank you, again, so much for standing with me. with a grateful heart for you, Leslyn

Been Really Tired

Well, I have not bounced back after this last chemo like I usually do. I have been really tired since my last chemo and I am getting ready to have another round on Thursday, so I would REALLY appreciate your prayer for strength. Thank you so much!!

Lots of Updates

I have fallen behind on my postings.


I Didn't Catch Hannah's Cold!
I did make it miraculously through Hannah's cold without catching it. I think that is a first for me. God answers prayer!!


My Back Went Out:
I did however, have my back go out on me last Saturday and that put me flat on my back in bed. The last expansion that I had seemed to cause more pain and stretching in my back and chest muscles than the previous ones. I think that was the precursor to my back going out. Thankfully, my dear friend and chiropractor, Dr. Julie Souza, worked me in twice this week and was able to get me back up on my feet. Sitting at the computer, however, has still been too painful up until yesterday. So here I am with a bunch of news. I will try to keep each one short and to the point.


I Switched Physical Therapy Centers:
Last time I reported I had gone to a physical therapist (PT) that I liked, but after I got home and thought more about it and got some input from friends, I decided that perhaps that Physical Therapy center was not the best suited for my specific needs. I contacted my oncologist to ask for a recommendation for a PT that specialized in Lymphedema, which I am trying not to get and cording which I already have. There is actually a Lymphedema Clinic through John Muir Hospital! I was really encouraged. Ron and I went to the appointment and were so pleased with the level of expertise and education they were able to provide us with that I have decided to just go there.

Chemo #4 is Behind Me:
I went in for Chemo #4 yesterday, Thursday, and it went pretty well. I am feeling pretty nauseated tonight though. I also went in for my Neulasta shot today, besides stinging like crazy, the best part of the appointment was a divine encounter that I had with a dear lady who was just coming to the practice for the first time and seeing my doctor. She is hoping that Dr. Sherman can help her. I was able to assure her that he is a doctor of the highest caliber, she cried. She has been diagnosed with breast cancer for the third time. Also, her daughter is interested in missions, guess which one, YWAM! Of course, that is the mission group that Ron and I served in for many years. This list of connecting points with her was truly God. We are going to connect by phone and she wants to come by our church too. I have really been praying for God to use me at my oncology appointments and blood tests, etc., I really want to get the most out of this experience for God's kingdom as possible. As I have always said, why waste a good trial?? So I am giving thanks to God and to all of you who have been praying that along with me. Yea God.

Please Pray for my Liver and Pancreas Levels:
I found out yesterday that my liver and pancreas levels are elevated, thankfully not enough to keep me from getting my chemo treatment, but they are high. It essentially means that the chemo is stressing my liver and pancreas and could become a problem. Clearly, we don't want liver or pancreas damage so I wanted to write and ask you to please pray that these levels would go down, that my liver and pancreas would be strengthened and healed and this would not be a problem. Chemo is so toxic that it really takes a toll on the major organs, so please continue to pray for protection over my organs and healthy cells. Thank you!

I know there are a few other things I was meaning to tell you but I can't think of anything else right now, so this seems like a good place to close. Thank you , thank you, thank you for your prayers for me and for my family. We are so grateful! May God multiply back to you a hundred fold harvest for all that you are sowing into us in prayer. lovingly, Leslyn

Doing better

Though still a challenge, I must say that this chemo session was a bit easier than the previous two treatments. I am so grateful for your prayers, I know that God is graciously answering them! I am now down in the single digits with just 9 more treatments to go. I should be finished with the chemotherapy treatments the second week of February.

Hannah is still pretty sick with a cold that developed into a bacterial sinus infection. Her doctor is working with us and put her on antibiotics on Saturday. You just have to love a doctor that calls back in 5 minutes on a Saturday. Thank the Lord, I have not caught it. Hannah is being such a help, she wears a surgical mask whenever she is out of her room and has a little bottle of Purell in her pocket to keep her hands sanitized in addition to washing them a lot. Please continue to pray for her healing and that Ron and I do not catch what she has, thank you!

Finally, I wanted to let you know that my left side is now completely healed over. It has been for just over a week now. The scar is pretty significant but the tissue has sealed. That is a huge relief and it is so nice not to have to change dressings everyday.

You all are just awesome. Thank you for your on-going encouragement and prayer. So grateful for you! Leslyn

Good News

Just had to share some good news with you. I found out yesterday that my BRAC 1&2 test came back negative. That means that the breast cancer I am fighting is random and not genetic. Though my girls will still need to have mammograms early, starting between 30-35 years old, they do not have to have major surgeries to minimize their risk. We are so relieved and so grateful!! Whew!

Chemo went well yesterday, thank you for praying. I am starting to feel myself sort of sliding down hill as the day progresses. I wanted to get this quick note off to you and then go get in my jammies and go to bed. Thank you for your prayers for an easier experience this time around.

I was really tired going into this round of chemo and found out yesterday that I am pretty anemic, which would account for the fatigue. Beef is definitely on the menu!

love to each of you! Leslyn

Please pray, Hannah has a cold

I wanted to write a quick note to ask you to pray specifically that (1)Hannah would be healed of a cold she woke up with today and that (2)I do not catch it.

It is imperative that I am able to stick to getting chemo every two weeks. Statistics show that getting chemo every two weeks for breast cancer improves the success rate by 30%, the converse is also true.

Though my blood counts are holding, my ability to fight infection is still somewhat compromised and so having Hannah sick with a cold in our home is a major concern. I REALLY need to stay well. Over the years, colds tend to drop into my lungs and progress to bronchitis and pneumonia. Please pray that I would miraculously stay well.

I also wanted to let you know that the physical therapy appointment went really well. I liked the PT and she seemed to be up on the related issues with lymph node removal. So thank you for praying, those prayers were clearly answered!

Physical Therapy Monday, Sept 6

Tomorrow at 10:30AM I am going to my first physical therapy session. It is my goal to regain all of the strength and range of motion in my left arm. The lymph channels, that are no longer connected to the lymph nodes that were removed, are pulling along my underarm and along most of the length of my arm. I have done all the stretches my doctor gave me and am still having problems, so it is time to take it to the next level.

When I finish all of my chemo, radiation, surgeries, etc., it is my goal to be able to run again as well as kayak, play basketball, etc. I have always loved sports, so full range of motion is a battle worth fighting.

Would you please pray first for healing of that arm and also that I get a good physical therapist that knows what they are doing or at least can refer me to someone who knows how to work with post-mastectomy/lymph node removal issues.

If you know of a good physical therapist in our area who knows about this, please let me know! Thank you so much!!

a vision from a friend

I want to thank you all for your prayers, for the Scriptures you are sending and for the encouraging words you have shared with me. You have been like Spring rain to my soul and I thank you.

A dear So Cal friend, Christina, sent me an email with a vision she had that was very encouraging to me today, so I thought I'd share it with you too. Here it is:

"Last night as I was at the gym doing my cardio workout, the Lord gave me a vision for you. In the vision I saw a road, it was the road you are on, and the road was straight. Alongside the road, at various intervals, though always placed on the right hand side, were packages, provision, the Lord had already placed there, placed IN ADVANCE, with what you need. The packages were all different. I saw financial provisions, I saw strength provisions, I saw anointings, I saw healings for you and for others, I saw divine encounters etc...Many Many packages were there, all very purposefully laid. A cool thing then happened, an expectation, a knowing it was all so, began to arise in me. He then told me again it had all been taken care of. "

This is particularly confirming to me because one of the subjects I love to teach about is God as Jehovah Jireh, our Provider. The picture in Hebrew of this name is exactly what is described in this vision, God sees our need ahead of time and places provision in our path just where and when we will need it. Through this vision, the Lord reminded me of His infinite care and grace toward us in our need. I am praying that this word would be an encouragement to you too as each of us are effected by the current economy, life struggles, etc. He is with you, He has provision already in place for you and He loves you intimately right in the midst of your need. lovingly, Leslyn

Had a great visit with my friend

I just have to say I had the most refreshing visit with my dear friend, Bonnie. She came down to our home after speaking in a conference in Sacramento. (Thanks Karen for driving to Sac to pick her up and taking her to the airport tonight!!) We had about 24 hours together, it was wonderful. The change in medicine really helped me to feel better, which was such an answer to prayer so that I could really enjoy my time with my friend. The Lord is so gracious and His mercies really are new every morning.

Thank you for your loving and on-going prayer. I feel like the Lord has showered me with grace through your prayers.

feeling nauseous

Just a quick note to ask for prayer, I am really fighting feeling nauseous today. A bit better than last time I think, at least I am not sleeping all day, but I don't feel very well either. Thanks again for standing with me...I need your support. lovingly, Leslyn

Chemo #2 tomorrow, Thursday, Sept. 25

I just wanted to remind you that tomorrow is my second chemotherapy appointment. They are tweaking my medications in hopes of making this round better than the first one. I really felt awful on the third and fourth days, and I was so nauseous I couldn't really eat for most of the first week. I actually lost 9 pounds.

Would you please pray that:
**the chemo does its job in seeking out and destroying any stray cancer cells that might be roaming in my body.
**the chemo does not harm any healthy cells, that God would protect them and keep them whole
**that the Lord would bind the side-effects of the chemotherapy
**that I would respond well to the increased steroids they are giving me to try and suppress the chemo side-effects
**for peace and grace for me and my whole family as we continue on this journey
**for opportunities to be an extension of God's love and grace to those that I encounter during treatment
**whatever else the Spirit would bring to mind to pray!! smile

Thank you so much!!

Shorn

Today was the day, I had all of my hair shaved off this afternoon. (Sorry, no pictures, I just didn't have it in me.) I woke up this morning and after having a gob of hair in the shower and on my hands and on the floor and on the sink and... I decided it was too traumatic to continue to just let it fall out. I told Ron, rather than "death by a thousand cuts" this is death by a thousand hairs!!

There is something rather empowering in being able to make the decision to cut off my hair rather than feeling victimized by the disease making my hair fall out of my head. It is the difference between my choosing something verses something happening to me against my will. I don't know if that makes sense to you or not, but somehow it makes sense to me and was helpful.

At least it was a hot day today, it feels kind of nice and cool with my hair all gone. I haven't decided yet what I will wear mostly on my head...wig? bandanna? scarf? hat? I imagine with my personality, I will just have to decide day by day and possibly hour by hour depending on how I am feeling. At home, I will just go around with my shorn head, so if you come by, just be prepared. I sort of look like I am ready for bootcamp. I have my Mom's premature gray, so a lot of my little stubs are gray, but I actually have more color than I thought I did...yes, I've been dying my hair for a long time. I got my first gray hair when I was 18!!

Last week, I was pretty sad about loosing my hair. This week, with it falling out so much, I am just annoyed. Annoyed is good when it comes to hair because it gave me the impetus to get it cut Now that it is gone, I feel relieved. I think my hair loss is hardest on Hannah, so please be praying for her, I would appreciate it very much.

hair today, gone tomorrow...or at least sooner than I thought

Well, at least I am starting to feel a bit better. My appetite it returning slowly and my cranky stomach is settling down for the most part, with the distinct exception of having to go in for a blood test this morning at 7AM. Apparently, my stomach is not a morning-person. A dose of anti-nausea medication helped to get me to my appointment.

So, as you can see by the title to this post, my hair is already being effected by the chemotherapy. They told me when they gave me my chemo treatment that it was VERY likely that my hair would be gone the next time they saw me (2 weeks). Yesterday, I started to notice that my entire head was itching like crazy. It wasn't until the afternoon that I suddenly realized it might be the beginning of the end of my hair. By last night, my head felt as if I had sores on my scalp, though Hannah assures me that I do not; she checked. Apparently, when the hair follicles die, they itch and make the scalp feel irritable and sore.

This afternoon, I was running my fingers through my hair, trying not to scratch my itchy and sore scalp, when I realized a number of hairs were in my fingers with the roots attached. Thankfully, Ron had just arrived home because I started to cry. At just that very moment, the door bell rang and Curt and Andree Baker had sent me a beautiful bouquet of flowers that had just arrived. Talk about the loving care of our Heavenly Father who made sure my husband was there and even had flowers delivered within minutes. (Thank you, Curt and Andree, as always, your timing is amazing and you are hearing from the Lord!) So I sat there with Ron and my beautiful flowers and cried for awhile.

I didn't think loosing my hair would be so hard, it sort of caught me off guard. Since I had already gotten a wig and some scarves, I thought I had already worked through it, but as with most things, there are layers of grief and sadness. God graciously lets us go through the layers as we can handle them. Sometimes, like today, when dealing with grief, I got to go through the next layer with my dear husband, beautiful flowers and wonderful friends who are praying for me. For that and for you, I am grateful.

That was a bit tough

Well, it is Monday afternoon and I am finally feeling like I am coming out of the cave of chemo today. Thursday evening after the chemo treatment and even most of Friday was okay, but by Friday night, it really started hitting me. The combo of feeling really sick to my stomach combined with the flu-like symptoms of the Neulasta (white blood cell booster shot) ganged up on me. Saturday and Sunday were pretty miserable. I spent most of both of those days sleeping.

Thank you so much for praying for me. I cannot even imagine what this past weekend would have been like without each of you in my corner fighting for me when I felt like I could not. My love and my deepest thanks to you, Leslyn

Feeling REALLY nauseous today, please pray!

I think the intravenous anti-nausea drugs are wearing off. I woke up and took two different medicines went back to sleep. Now I am awake, can't take anything for another hour and am not feeling well at all. So please be praying for me today, I really need your support.

Thank you and God bless you for standing with me. Leslyn

a little bit queasy

I have been feeling a little bit queasy this morning and a bit shaky, but I have taken two different anti-nausea medicines and I think they are starting to help. Thank you, Lord!

I am heading back to the doctor in a few minutes to get my white blood cell booster shot. It is supposed to make my bones ache for the next 24 hours or so...oh joy! But, I must admit, it is better than having my white blood cell count drop making me very vulnerable to infection. So I will happily go down and get my shot.

We have also ordered a bunch of comedy DVD's from Netflix that Ron, Hannah and I are watching at night. The Bible says that laughter does you good like medicine, and studies have proven that it is true, laughter helps to elevate white blood cells...amazing the way God made our bodies! So I am laughing my way to health! =) It is a lot more enjoyable than the shot I am about to get, I will tell you that for sure!! God knows what He is doing!!

Thank you for continuing to pray, I can feel it!!

so far so good, but please keep praying!

I am sitting up in bed, feeling a little weird but better than I'd hoped. I can taste a weird metal taste in the back of my mouth and my stomach feels a little funky but not really nauseous per se. I have been able to eat some toast and soup made with a special broth that is supposed to put back into my body the vitamins and minerals that chemo sucks out of me. The recipe is in a great cook book for cancer patients called, "One Bite at a Time." It is great. I don't think I could eat much more than that at the moment. The rest of my family enjoyed a lovely meal that was brought to our home. It was so very helpful not to have to cook for everyone, and we had made up the broth ahead of time. It worked out perfectly--thanks to those bringing meals to us, I don't have the words to thank you!

The infusion went really quickly, I think, because of the venous access port that they put into my chest during surgery. It gives them direct access to a major vein in my chest which can take the chemo medicine and whisk it away into my blood stream because the blood flow is so good. The nurses are just great, really nice and super helpful. I was grateful for that and thankful to those of you who were praying for good nurses!

Thank you for praying for grace and peace today, it was resting on our whole family. We were all really calm today and ready to begin this leg of the journey. Over the weekend I was struggling with some fear of what this would be like, but being a "pre-processor," by the time today came, I had processed through my myriad of emotions and thoughts and felt prepared. Please be praying for Ron, he is more of a "post-processor" and so where things hit me before, things hit him after. It works out for us as a married couple, at least we are rarely freaking out at the same time...bonus.

**Please pray especially tomorrow (Friday) and through the weekend. They said that I would probably be okay tonight but that tomorrow is usually the hardest day and can last 3 days or so. I have 4 different anti-nausea medicine in my right now, but some of them will start wearing off tomorrow.

**Please also pray for me emotionally as I was told that my hair will most likely be gone before my next chemo appointment, approximately 10-15 days. I know that Kathleen, the great nurse practitioner that is working with us, told me that it would be in 2-3 weeks, probably 2, but somehow 10 days sounded a lot quicker. It caught me a little by surprise. I know it is possible that I will not loose my hair, but it is very probable. I figure it is better for me emotionally to be prepared to loose it and be happily surprised if I don't than the other way around. My brother, Rich, said, " you prepare to loose your hair and we will pray that you don't!" Thanks for joining in that prayer.

**Again, please pray that the chemo will only effect any cancer cells it might encounter and leave the healthy cells alone. Pray that the Lord will lift the side-effects of which there are many (even the list of side-effects for the anti-nausea medicine is sort of scary!).

**Also, please pray for Hannah, she thinks she might be getting a cold...that is NOT what we need right now in our home.

Thank you so very much for your faithful prayer, I know that the grace and peace that was on us today and the fact that I am up and typing tonight is witness to the your effective and fervent prayer on my/our behalf. Our God is very faithful. Lovingly, Leslyn

chemo starts tomorrow

Oh boy, the day is almost upon me. I am having those surreal feelings again today thinking about starting chemo tomorrow. I keep feeling like I can hardly believe this is really happening, but it is. I imagine most people getting ready to start chemo feel this way.

Neither Ron nor I slept very well last night. Ron got up in the wee hours of the morning and went downstairs to pray, I think he didn't want to wake me. I was, however, already awake too, so I stayed in bed and prayed and worshipped the Lord. There were several songs from Klaus Kuehn's new CD "Glory" that kept running through my head and heart. Michelle O gave that to me and it has been a balm to my soul. Several of the songs have made me cry tears of gratefulness for our God who is so loving and near. Yes, I just sit there and sing and cry; my heart is very vulnerable and tender these days, but that is a good thing.

**Would you pray that we sleep well tonight? I want to start chemo as rested as possible.

**Would you also please pray that the chemo does just what it is meant to do, kill any cancer cells lurking around in my body, and that my healthy cells will not be harmed.

**Please pray that I don't get sick from the chemo. They are giving me several anti-nausea medications, but I tend to throw up easily and am concerned about this aspect of the treatment.

Thank you, with all my heart, for praying for me and for my family! Leslyn

Update on appointment with plastic surgeon

Warning: Guys -as in men, not the California generic term for anyone- this may be too much information, you may want to skip this one.

Thank you so much for praying today as I went to my appointment with the plastic surgeon. I think I was more relaxed today than I have ever been in his office. As you know, expanders were put in immediately after they did the double mastectomy. The first expansion (needle injection of saline solution into the expander) was really stressful for me. Today when he expanded them, I was really at peace and relaxed and had no discomfort at all. God is good and your prayers are VERY effective!!

He said he thought the left side was still delayed in healing, but that it is coming along well enough. The right side is completely healed, though the scar is pretty significant.

**Please continue to pray that the left side continues to heal. There is still about a 1 1/2 -2 inch section that is not healed yet. I am glad to say, the skin that died scabbed over and is now growing new skin...the way God made our bodies is truly amazing! The chemo will slow the healing process further, so I need God in intervene!

**Please pray that I do not develop any kind of infection in the area that is healing as well as remain infection free around the expanders so that the tissue stays soft. We also need to pray that I do not develop scar tissue around the expanders. Right now they are doing really well, but scar tissue has to be removed via surgery...we don't want that!!

**Please pray for the muscles in my back to loosen up quickly. When the expanders (placed underneath the muscles in my chest) are expanded, it stretches the muscles across the chest wall, which are connected to the muscles in my back...of course. So I don't feel the soreness much in the front, but my back gets really sore the night of and next day after an expansion. Thank you!!

Update re: chemotherapy

Thank you for praying for my appointments on Thursday, they went very well but were emotionally intense. The good news is that Dr. Kerlin, my surgeon, gave the okay for me to begin chemotherapy. The incision on the left side has still not healed completely but she feels it is healed enough to go ahead and move forward. The chemo will slow the healing process further, but it will eventually heal. Please continue to pray for complete healing of that wound and that it would remain infection free...thank you!!

From there, Ron and I went to the chemo calendar meeting and were able to get a bunch of questions answered as well as set up my chemo treatments.

I begin chemotherapy on Thursday, Sept. 11 (yes, that is 9/11). I don't think I will ever have trouble remembering when my treatment began. I will be going in three to four days a week for the initial three weeks, then after that I think the schedule should settle down to three days a week every other week. In addition to the actual chemo treatment, I have to go in for blood work one day, follow-up appointments to make sure I am doing okay on another day, a white blood cell booster shot on another day, etc., it all adds up. I will try to keep the calendar section of the blog updated for those who like to pray specifically.

On one hand, I am really glad we are going to begin chemo since it has been delayed now about three or four weeks due to the slowed healing of the left side. On the other hand, I think actually having a date set that is now less than one week away brings the reality of this whole thing crashing in on me and my family. I have run through the gamut of emotion yesterday and today, relief at finally beginning, fear about how sick I may be for the next many months, apprehension about the unknown of what is before me, hope in knowing that my Jesus will walk with me through this difficult journey, sadness over the loss of time, health and body parts and comfort know that nothing can separate me from the love of God and He will NEVER, no not ever, leave me or forsake me...to name just a few. I feel a bit emotionally wrung out tonight. I know Ron feels that way too.

I can't imagine walking through this without each of you praying for us. You have been so faithful to pray for us and to stand and fight with us. Thank you so very much. We are entering one of the most difficult seasons of this battle and I ask that you would continue praying for Ron, Karyn, Hannah and me.

with love and a thankful heart for you, Leslyn

Thursday was hard

Sorry for the delay in writing, I know several of you have contacted me to find out the update from the meetings with the doctors. I will update that info in the next post. One of the reasons I didn't have it in me to write yesterday is that we had to put one of our dogs down Thursday afternoon.

Wednesday night I noticed that Chad (Hannah's dog, the red brindle miniature doxie, almost 14 yrs old) had what looked like a severely abscessed tooth/teeth that was causing major swelling under his left eye. We took him to the vet as soon as we could after my appointment with the surgeon and the chemo calendar meeting at the oncology office. Chad has been going down hill for awhile and already had a failing heart, liver and kidneys. By the time we got him to the vet, he was running a fever and the infection was getting worse. We all agreed that it was his time. Ron, Hannah and I were with him until the end. It was a VERY hard day for us.

For some of you that are not "dog people" this will not seem like that big of a deal and I can understand. For those who are, you will understand how hard it is to loose a beloved pet. We got Chad when Hannah was in First grade and was really, really sick. Our hope was that he would be a companion for her as she dealt with a chronic, serious illness (she was completely healed at age 13 of a very rare and often deadly disease, but that is another story). As a one year old pup, he seemed to know what his job was from the moment he got to our home. He would spend hours snuggling with Hannah when she was too weak to get up and playing with her when she had the energy. He was a very faithful and sweet dog. We will and do miss him.

Appointment with Dr. Kerlin was re-scheduled

Thank you to those who have been praying about my follow-up appointment with Dr. Kerlin today, we have a little more time to pray before I will be able to see her. I got a call from her office this morning letting me know that the appointment needed to be re-scheduled as Dr. Kerlin had to perform emergency surgery today.

I now have an appointment on Thursday, September 4 at 9:00 AM. Ron and I will go from there to the chemo calendar appointment at 11:00AM. This will work out great since I need to see Dr. Kerlin BEFORE the chemo calendar meeting to determine when she thinks I will be healed enough from my surgery to be able to begin chemotherapy. I am trusting God's perfect timing in all of this and so appreciate you praying with me.

Counting My Blessings

As I have been thinking about the events of the past months I have been struck by how God has blessed me. He truly can work ALL things together for good...

*Though I was really sick for 9 months prior to my diagnosis with cancer, I can see that because I was running that fever and felt so sick, I was determined to find out the cause of my illness. I don't know if we would have found the cancer as soon as we did if I had not been on that journey, particularly because the breast cancer was so diffused that it never did show up on the mammogram, they found it using ultrasound. Leaving no stone unturned, we finally turned over the right one.

*After having the cancer removed from my breast and lymph node, the fever immediately began to leave my body. The first week I had fevers for several days, the second week only a couple of times and for the past TWO weeks, I have been completely fever free! I cannot begin to tell you how much better I feel, even recovering from major surgery feels so much better than feeling like I had a really bad case of the flu ALL the time. Thank you Lord!

*Even the delay in the healing of the surgery site on the left side has turned out to be a blessing. Had the healing process been on schedule, I would have started chemo either last week or this week. Well, this was also the week that Hannah started her first week of homeschool for her senior year of High School. Since the chemo was delayed, I have been able to get her started and put together the lesson plans and schedule for the year so that even when I am not feeling well during treatment, everything is in place to enable me to help her through this year to the best of my ability.

*In some ways, I have wished that we would have found the cancer sooner, but as I have thought about it, I realized the timing was amazing. In hindsight, I am grateful we did not find it until after Karyn finished her first year of college. By finding it in June, I was able to have surgery while Karyn was home and she and Hannah were on summer vacation (especially helpful since I am still homeschooling Hannah.) By having the surgery the end of July, I was able to have recovered enough so that I think it made it a little easier for Karyn to leave again for college. For my mother's heart, that meant a lot to me.

*I have the most amazingly loving and supportive husband that a girl could ever hope to have. Ron has been there for me every moment, he is truly a wonderful man.

*My girls have been right there for me throughout my illness, being very sensitive, supportive, understanding and loving.

*My entire family, siblings, Mom and Pop (Bob and Linda Mahley), even my cousins, aunts and uncles. nieces and nephews, have been amazing, praying, calling, sending cards and letters, checking in on me...very sweet and 100% supportive. You all are so very precious to me.

*My church family and friends have blessed me more than words can express, I am teary just writing this because I am overwhelmed by your love, support, servant's hearts, prayer, friendship, thoughtfulness, steadfastness, and the list goes on and on...

*These are just a few of the many things for which I am thankful and blessed. YOU are definitely on my list!!

Good report

Just got back from seeing the surgeon and the report is good. She said that she thinks the wound is healing, we are changing the wound care a little, but not drastically. The edges of the wound are pretty red, which I thought was bad, but she said actually indicates that it is beginning to heal. It means that little blood vessels are beginning to reach the edges of the wound and there has to be circulation flowing for healing to begin.

I am seeing over and over the physical and spiritual truth that where the blood flows, there is life! Our physical bodies give witness to the truth that we see in Jesus: His blood gives us life.

There is still a lot of healing that needs to take place, so please keep praying for healing...God is answering our prayer! Thank you!!

Seeing the surgeon today

I have an appointment with Dr. Kerlin today at 4:10PM. Please pray for wisdom for her as she decides what to do about the surgery site on the left side that is not healing. It is still looking pretty bad, though not infected...thank the Lord! I will let you know what she decides.

Thank you for praying for this appointment!

If you are praying Scriptures

Hi my friends,

If you are praying/declaring Scriptures for me, would you please leave them as a comment to this post or in the "Post-a-Prayer" section? I would like to read them and pray/declare them too. I am going to begin to print them out and place them around the house. Thanks for your help!!

Doing better

Thank you so much for praying. Though my surgery site looks about the same at this point, I am doing much better emotionally and am not feeling so tired. Thank you for lifting me with your prayers. You are awesome!

Thank you too for the wonderful meals that many of you are providing for our family. It is difficult to overstate what a help and blessing these meals are to our family. They take such a load off of Ron and are such an encouragement as well as nourishment to us.

We have received so many precious cards, notes, flowers and gifts to help encourage and help financially that we are filled to overflowing with gratefulness to you and to the Lord. Bless you!!

Surgeon Update

I was able to see both of my surgeons yesterday, both appointments went well. The plastic surgeon who is doing the breast reconstruction is going on vacation and will be back in two weeks. The timing works well because my healing is slow and he just wants me to rest and heal for now.

Dr. Kerlin, who did the cancer removal part of the surgery, wants me to wait at least two weeks before starting chemo. She will check me next week to see if the healing process is moving forward. If not she may change a couple of things that we are doing as far as treating the wound or worst case scenario take me back into surgery and try to clean out the area where the skin has died. I am, obviously, holding onto the Lord for His healing rather than go back into surgery! Would you continue to join me in that prayer for the surgery site on the left side to heal, thank you so much!!

I rested over the weekend and that helped some with the pain level. I think it is coming from the stretches that I have to do three times a day. I am happy to say that I am slowly regaining some of the range of movement in my left arm, my right arm is doing great.

Yesterday was a tired and weepy day for me. I think the pain and tiredness were getting to me and I was feeling a bit of discouragement from the slow healing on my left side. I am doing better today.

I can't thank you enough for your generosity in giving of yourself to pray for me. You are a gift.

Having a couple of tired and painful days

It seems that in the process of healing after surgery there seems to be good days and bad days. I have been doing really well, but yesterday and today (Sat/Sun) I have been particularly tired and my surgery sites have been more painful as well.

I will keep this short as I am trying to rest more today to see if that will help, but wanted to let you know and ask you to please pray for me that the pain would lift and I would have more energy.

I see both of my surgeons tomorrow (Monday). I'll update you after I see them. Thanks so much for praying.

Please Keep Praying for healing of the incision on the left side

As you know, the surgery on the left breast and under arm was pretty extensive what with removing the cancer and the breast tissue and the 18 lymph nodes! As a result of all that trauma to the area, the healing is "delayed" on that side.

I went to the doctor on Thursday and will go again on Monday to check the progress. Right now there is still some "necrotic" skin on the vertical part of the scar on the left side. Basically, it is black and not getting any blood supply still. Please continue to pray that the blood will begin to flow to that area. (It is the physical and spiritual principle that that there is life in the blood, where the blood flows, there is LIFE!) The good news is that the area is not infected. The surgeons said the necrotic skin will scab over and then heal, it will just take longer. As a result of the delayed healing, there is still quite a bit of pain on that side. The right side continues to do well, thank the Lord!!

Other than the delayed healing of that scar, I am continuing to get stronger almost every day. The doctor gave me some stretches so that I can begin to regain the full range of motion in both of my arms. I probably only have about 50% on the left side. I am diligently doing my stretches while saying, "Ow-ee, ow-ee, ow-ee!"

I should find out Monday how long the surgeon thinks the chemo treatments will have to be delayed due to the slowed healing. I am trusting that God knows the exact time table that will be best for me and so am not feeling anxious about the delay. I know some of you are praying for that, so I am reaping the fruit of your faithful prayers! Thank you!! with much love, Leslyn

Karyn and Ron are off to Biola

Wow, what a difference your prayer makes! We noticed a significant increase in grace in our home after you all started praying. Our time as a family last night was so sweet and there was great grace on all of us as Karyn and Ron headed off to Biola today. Thank you so much for your prayers, they are availing much!! "The effective, fervent prayer of a righteous man avails much." James 5:16 That would be you!! Thanks!!!

Karyn is heading back to Biola University on Friday

Hi my friends! I just wanted to ask if you would be praying for our oldest daughter, Karyn, as she heads back to Biola University for her sophmore year in film school and the Torrey honors program. Ron will drive her down to school; they leave tomorrow, Friday, August 15.

Karyn is helping to lead the freshman orientation for the incoming honor students and will also be starting her new job in the bookstore. Leaving her Mom sick at home is hard for her but she does so with our full blessing and support. Would you please pray for her as she makes this transition? Thank you!!

Hannah will stay home and help take care of me. Hannah needs prayer as her sister leaves, they are very close, and she is having a hard time thinking about going through all that this year holds with her big sister away. I know that God will be faithful and meet her. Would you please be praying for her as well?

Ron and I are so glad that Karyn loves her school, has wonderful friends and loves the programs she is in at Biola, but we will miss her terribly. She is a wonderful and precious daughter. Thank you for your prayers for us...we need them. Thank you so very much!!

Treatment update

Just got back from the oncology appointment, we got some good news but also a very sobering picture of the very long road ahead.

All I can say is THANK THE LORD for herceptin! The addition of the herceptin drug to my therapy improved the statistics on the chance of recurrence by 50%, pretty amazing. This brings the recurrance rate down from 68% to 34%. This is, of course, in the natural, we are believing and seeking God for complete healing from the Lord.

So, essentially I will have chemotherapy for 6 months (given every two weeks), probably starting the beginning of September (due to the delay in healing on the left side, they want to make sure my surgery sites are well healed before starting chemo). At about 3 months into chemo, they will add herceptin to deal with the HER/2 receptor positive issue (see previous posts for info), which will be infused every week for one year. Once chemo is finished they are going to do radiation on my chest wall, neck and possibly my left underarm (a Radiation specialist will be brought onto the team to direct that part of the therapy). About that same time, after chemo, they will start the tamoxifen to deal with the hormone postive issue. After I am recovered from chemo and radiation, I will have breast reconstruction surgery. Once I am recovered from that, I will have surgery to remove my ovaries and possibly my uterus as well.

I will hopefully be through with all of the medication by January 2010. The remainder of this year and the next will be dedicated to getting through treatment and getting completely well and healthy!!

I know that this is a long road ahead and I would ask you to join me throughout this journey to healing through your prayers and continued encouragment. Your partnership with me and my family helps to give us courage to press forward and face what lies before us. We need you and are so very grateful for you. with much love and a thankful heart, Leslyn

Specific Prayer Needed

Overall, I am making great progress day by day, I even was able to get my drains out this past Friday. It is difficult to express how much better I feel without those drains, I am sleeping better and feel more like "myself." I am still pretty tired though. I was able to take a shower for the first time today since surgery. I was so exhausted afterward that I slept for two and a half hours.

I am writing this post to ask you to pray specifically for the healing process where my left breast was and will eventually be again. That side is where the cancer was and it is healing more slowly than the right side. There is one area in particular that looks like the blood supply is not being established like it needs to be, the skin is sort of black and the incision there is still oozing a bit rather than scabbing over like all of the rest. Sorry to those for whom that was way too much information, but I really need specific prayer for this to heal.

Thank you for joining us in praying for total healing and restoration of the blood supply to the skin in that area!! Blessings to you, we are so very grateful that you continue to stand with us in prayer.

I see the oncologist tomorrow, Tuesday August 12, to go over the pathology report and make final decisions on the chemo treatment, etc. Please pray for wisdom and that Ron and I would be able to think of any questions we need to ask as the doctor explains everything to us.

Great Weekend

Sorry for the long silence over the weekend. Ron, Karyn and Hannah were down in Rancho Cucamonga, near Los Angeles, for Michael and Heidi Warren's wedding! Ron performed the ceremony and Hannah was a bridesmaid. I was supposed to help with the ceremony, but had to stay home for obvious reasons. I heard that the wedding was beautiful, Walt Pelot gave an opportunity for people there to give their lives to Jesus, Mike was handsome and Heidi beautiful, and Hannah looked lovely. Mike and Heidi did something that so blessed us. Rather than spend money on wedding favors, they decided to use that money to give as a donation to the fight against breast cancer. Ron and I both teared up, that was amazingly thoughtful and precious to both of us.

Meanwhile, I could not travel and still needed considerable help with drains, meals, etc. So, my dear friends, Mary Forsythe from Texas and Beth Clark from Tennessee, flew out and stayed here at the house and took care of me. They were amazing and we had a great time together. Mary's education was as a pharmacist, though she now has her own ministry, and she was able to help me sort out my medications so that my pain has been managed much better over the past several days...a huge relief! Karen Greschel was also on hand to help out, so I was in great hands. Both Mary and Beth ministered at our church on Sunday morning and Mary preached. What a blessing they are! Thanks so much, Mary and Beth, for coming all the way out here to care for me. I loved being with you!

I am continuing to get stronger day by day...thank you so much for praying.

Post-op appointments with surgeons

I saw Dr. Ghorbani (plastic surgeon) yesterday and Dr. Kerlin today. Both doctors said everything looks good. The only problem is that the incision on the left side had a little place that is healing more slowly than the rest, would you please pray that the healing process catches up and keeps moving forward. Thank you.

Because the healing is going a little more slowly than expected, they are keeping the drains in on both sides for a few more days. Also, Dr. Kerlin said we may need to postpone chemo for another week or two depending on how the healing process continues. Again, please pray for swift, complication-free healing. I am hoping they are amazed at how much quicker things are healing the next time I go into see the doctors.

Since Friday, I have only been taking Tylenol and Advil for pain because the other drugs were making me very sick with pretty violent vomiting--not good after surgery! This is a whole lot of surgery for just Tylenol and the pain level has been higher than is conducive to healing, so today I spoke with Dr. Kerlin and we are trying another stronger pain medicine tonight. Please, please pray that I am able to handle this medication, that I do not get nauseous and that it will control my pain better. I think it will help to speed up the healing process.

I forgot to mention that they also put a "port" in my chest to enable the chemo treatments to be infused directly into a major vein rather than through smaller veins in my arms. That is healing beautifully.

I really wish I knew how to better express my extreme gratitude to all of you for your faithful prayers, encouragement, Scriptures, meals and gifts. You all have been such a tangible expression of God's loving grace, comfort and care to me and my entire family. Thank you so very much. with much love to you, Leslyn

Pathology Report

The pathology report came back with the results from the tissue taken during the surgery and the news is good. The results, in light of the PET scan and MRI, were what the doctors had hoped would be the case. The doctor said several times that we absolutely made the right decision to take both breasts. The right breast was completely clear of cancer, praise the Lord, but the tissue was full of pre-cancerous cells that were ready to turn. It would have been like having a time bomb in my body waiting to go off. I am so grateful for the wisdom of the Lord.

In the PET scan and MRI, it looked like the left breast had a 10 cm tumor in it covering most of the lower half. The oncologist said he HOPED that rather than a solid mass, that the surgery would show that there were small tumors spread throughout the lower half of the breast with clear tissue in between them, which the scans could not differentiate. That was exactly what they found in the pathology report! The largest tumor, and it looked like there were two or three of them, was only 2 cm (a MUCH better scenario than one very large tumor). There were many tumors, most of which were only a millimeter and some were microscopic.

Only one lymph node had cancer, which was what we were hoping for based on the scans. The doctor said she was amazed that it was contained there because the whole node had become a tumor. They took the two centinal nodes on either side and a "packet" of 15 nodes as well from the surrounding area and all of them were completely clear of cancer!! Thank you, Jesus, for keeping that cancer contained! The doctor said usually when they see the cancer that far along in a lymph node, they find it in the other nodes too. I really believe the Lord answered our prayers to keep that cancer contained and that He did not allow it to spread. I see that as being a miracle.

Thank you so much for praying and for contending for my life and fully restored health. Based on what we knew going in, this was the best possible medical outcome. I am so grateful.

something changed

On the second morning in the hospital, I was awakened to the already familiar sound of the vital sign machine coming into my room at 4:00 AM. I was wide awake by the time the very kind nurse left my room (I did have AMAZING nurses day and night, I KNOW some of you were praying for that specifically...thank you so much!!).

As I looked out the window of my private room (another answer to prayer!) the dawn began to break over the mountain. Admittedly, I have not seen a lot of sunrises in my life and so I watched carefully, knowing God was wanting to speak to me. Dawn breaks so slowly, the darkness finally receding after a long, dark night. At times it seems that no progress is being made at all, though the sun is relentlessly rising all that same. The sun doesn't just POP! up over the horizon, it takes a long time but by the time the sun does rise up fully, the darkness has vanished. Dawn is a gentle wakening, like a mother waking her child slowly and lovingly, not by harshly flipping on the lights. I pondered these aspects and more as I watched the transformation the sun brings to dark and cold places.

As I watched, I began to realize that since having the cancer removed two days before, I felt totally different inside. Over these past nine months, I have been running a fever and feeling really sick. I have known deep inside that there was something really wrong with me. I realized that morning that the deep sense of well-being that I normally feel had returned. Though I still am hurting from the surgery, am tired and have a long way to go, down deep inside, I feel so much better. I feel "well." I truly believe that all of my symptoms were my bodies way of fighting the cancer and trying to warn me that something was very wrong and needed attention. My fever is already going away, not everyday, but most days I am fever free and my heart is healing too. My cardiologist already dropped the dosage of my beta blockers by half because of the improvement.

My family and I have experienced many instant and amazingly miraculous healings over the years. Sometimes God moves instantaneously and other times through a process. That morning I began to sense the "dawn" of God's healing slowly breaking over my body, pushing back the darkness that has hung over me for months. Dawn breaks slowly but when the Son rises fully, the darkness must vanish.

I'm Back...

Oh thank you, thank you, thank you for standing with me in prayer. I could profoundly feel your prayers lifting me during the past week. It will take a few posts to get you all caught up on what all has gone on, I know some of what I have to share will be direct answers to many of your prayers. I will have to go slowly, so just a couple a day, because I can't type very long yet, my arms are still pretty sore.

Thank you to all who prayed on the day of surgery, God's grace was truly amazing.

First, the morning went so smoothly, there was such peace on our home that it was tangible. I was ready early and was able to send out a few emails before going to the hospital. I felt such love and gratitude for those of you praying for me that I sent just had to send out emails to as many of you as I was able.

It was so sweet to have family and friends at the hospital before, during and after surgery. The doctors commented on what a large family I have and how nice everyone was. You all are great and I heard you had a great time complete with snacks, and yummy cookies!! What a great idea!!

In pre-op they allowed Karen Greschel to come in with us to pray for us, she was able to stay much longer than we thought which was really a comfort.

For me, the most nerve racking part of surgery is being wheeled from pre-op down the hall, through all the people in hallways, to the surgical room and having to switch tables and see all of the machines, etc., so I had told the Lord about that concern that morning. So as the time to go to sugery approached, the anastiologist came in and injected something into my IV (which by the way stayed viable the entire time I was in the hosptial, that was an answer to prayer). I said, "Wow, I can feel that!" Ron leaned over and kissed me and we said, "See you soon." I closed my eyes and suddenly saw a picture in my mind's eye of a huge grassy meadow filled with flowers. Far away in the distance I could see a huge, beautiful waterfall. Standing next to me was Jesus, He looked down at me and took my hand, pointed away at the distant waterfall as if to say, "Let's go over there and look at that." We began to step forward and that is all I remember until I woke up in the post-op recovery room. I have NO memory of going down the hall, of switching tables or anything or anyone in the operating room, I got to skip all of the stuff that is usually hard for me. I was so blessed by God's grace and kindness to me. Even after I got put in my room in the hospital, as I would fall asleep, I would remember seeing Jesus pointing to the waterfall.

My brother Rich said that when I was sleeping in my room in the hospital that I always looked so peaceful and had a little smile on my face. I must have been running through that meadow and playing in the waterfall!!

Thank you for praying!!!!!! More to come.

Pain and Recovery

Three days into recovery at home there has been a mixture of good days and very bad ones. The first day back Leslyn did okay, she was extremely tired, but was talking and eating okay. However, yesterday she spent the day with horrible nausea and threw up for most of the day...which feels bad anyways, but on top of having your chest muscles cut in half, it's just a painful experience. The surgeon said it was likely her body having an adverse reaction to the pain killers, so they have completely taken her off of them. This, thankfully, has stopped the nausea and today her stomach has been much more settled. Unfortunately, she can now only control the pain with advil and tylenol...so she is much more sore than she has been before. Please continue to pray for the pain as we are trying to keep it under control as best we can with the medication we have available and that the nausea will not return.

Thank you all for your faithful prayers, there is no way we could be doing this without you.

~Karyn

Leslyn's Coming Home

Hello again,

Today Leslyn will be coming home from the hospital. The doctors feel that she is stable enough and able to control the pain from the surgery through oral pain killers, so they want to get her back home where she will be more comfortable and less likely to get an infection from the other patients.

Yesterday, she was doing much better. The nausea had subsided and she was able to sit up, talk, and even eat a sandwich. The plastic surgeon, Dr. Ghorbani, checked the surgery site and said it was healing well. To me, it looked much better than I had expected and the scars seem to be placed well. The doctors truly did an amazing job!

Please keep her in your prayers over these next two weeks, as they are crucial to the healing process. Specifically that infections will not occur and that the pain will stay at a low and manageable level.

Thank you all for your prayers!!!

~Karyn

Surgery Update 1

Hello everyone,

Thank you all so very much for your prayers today!! They have been very effective because the surgery went very well and Leslyn [Mom] is recovering well. Surgery ended sooner than expected, which was great because she didn't have to be under anesthesia for an extra hour. The surgeons are confident that they have clear margins and have removed all the cancer. She was also able to get a private room with a nice view of the mountains, so that is an extra blessing. I saw her today, and she seems to be at peace, especially since Ron [Dad] will be spending the night with her. She has asked you all to please be praying for three things specifically:

*That the nausea accompaning the anesthesia will subside quickly
*That she will remain infection free
*That the pain will be at a minimal level or even better, that there will be no pain at all!!

Thank you all so much for your prayers, they have carried Leslyn and the rest of us through this difficult day.

~Karyn

leaving for surgery in 5 minutes

My dear friends and family,
I just had to write one more quick note to thank each of you for your prayers, loving notes and steadfast faithfulness to me and my family. The peace and presence of God is tangible in our home and in our hearts this morning. God bless each of you! with much love, Leslyn

New Surgery Info

Surgery has been pushed back to 12:45 PM. We will arrive at the hospital for pre-op at 10:45 AM.

Surgery should last for about 5 hours with another hour or so for recovery.

I am having a double mastectomy, then they will biopsy the lymph nodes under my left arm and remove any that have cancer--of course we are hoping they are all clear. The plastic surgeon will then begin the reconstruction process. After that, I will go to recovery and then to a room.

They expect me to be in the hospital for about 3 nights.

*Please pray for Dr. Kerlin, doing the cancer surgery, and for Dr. Ghorbani, the plastic surgeon, and that the presence of the Lord will permeate the operating room.
*Please pray that I get a good room, either with a great roommate or a private room and that the presence of the Lord would already be there when they wheel me into it.
*Please pray that I will remain infection free especially since I have only 3 antibiotics that I can take to fight infection--this is a major concern.
*Please pray for my family during the long hours in the waiting room, I know it will be a long day for them.( Again, I am so grateful that family and friends will be with them and to the Grunders for being available to my girls while I am in surgery and the hospital! It puts my heart at ease.)
*Please pray that I do not get nauseous after the surgery from the pain medication or the anesthesia.
*Please pray that the pain is miraculously minimal.

Please check back here Tuesday night. My daughter, Karyn, will let you know how the surgery went and any prayer updates. Thank you, thank you, thank you for standing with me and my family in prayer, I lack the words to express my gratefulness to you!

The Surgery Date is Here: Tuesday, July 29 @ 12:45PM

When I first found out that the surgery would be a month away, it seemed like such a long time but now all of a sudden the surgery is tomorrow! It seems like these past four weeks have flown by with all of the doctor appointments and things to do to prepare. My whole family is back to the surreal sensation again today.

We have had a pretty good day, thank you all so very much for praying...I can feel it. Ron, the girls and I have all felt a bit nervous off and on throughout the day, but I think that is very normal. Thank you Brenda for doing my hair again today and Julie for adjusting my neck and back...ahhh, I feel so much better!!

We are spending the evening as a family, quiet and just being with each other. Our home feels very peaceful. Michelle O. made a beautiful banner with Scriptures about healing with a cross in the center. We have it hanging in our living room and I can see it right now as I type, it is so encouraging.

Thank you for praying for us today and especially tomorrow and the days following. My brothers, Rich, Bill and Kevin and sister Lisa will be with Ron and our girls in the waiting room along with my sister-in-law, Cecelia and several of our dear friends. They should have a great time together, that makes me happy. I will be sleeping soundly in the operating room in the loving arms of my Heavenly Father and the capable hands of my surgeons.

I know that a number of you have told me that you are going to be fasting as well as praying, I thank you for that sacrifice on our behalf.

My daughter, Karyn, will be updating the blog while I am in the hospital so please check the blog tomorrow night for a post-surgery update. Blessings and much love from a grateful heart, Leslyn

If you'd like to help

This new "help" section on the blog has been created in response to the many offers that we have received from people wanting to help. I have been urged to make our needs known to you. I thought this would be the best way to communicate those needs.

Over the past 9 months, as many of you know, I have been running a temperature accompanied by debilitating fatigue and body aches. Now, with this diagnosis of breast cancer, I will have another year to year and a half (unless of course I am healed!) of treatment, recovery and healing time ahead of me.

Because of my prolonged illness, I have not been able to travel and speak or write, causing a significant decrease in that source of our income. Additionally, donations to Global Prayer Ministries, of which I am the president, have dropped dramatically so that I have not received a salary in many months. In response to this financial need and the Lord's leading, in addition to being the full-time senior pastor of our church, Ron has taken on a part-time position at Walnut Creek Presbyterian Church (WCPC) making pastoral visits to some of the dear folks in that congregation. He is doing all he can to provide for our family and yet with the increased medical bills and related needs, we are falling short each month and our bills are beginning to pile up. [**update: due to budget cut backs, WCPC could no longer afford to hire Ron so they had to let him go. He lost that job in Sept 08, further reducing our income.]

If you would like to help us during this time of significant need, my family and I would be very, very grateful. Your tax-deductible donations to Global Prayer Ministries will go directly to funding back salary that I have not yet received. If God has touched your life through Global Prayer or through my life, would you please prayerfully consider sowing into our ministry at this time? We need your help.

Your donations, large or small, can be sent to:
Global Prayer Ministries
1647 Willow Pass Road, #317
Concord, CA 94520

Please make your check payable to Global Prayer Ministries. Please do not put my name on the check, instead, you may enclose a note indicating how you would like the gift to be used. Thank you so much!

**Global Prayer Ministries is recognized by the IRS as a non-profit organization. All donations are tax-deductible.

a wise friend said...

A dear and wise friend of mine, Mary L., wrote a while back to warn me that "cancer seeks to infiltrate everything. It seeks to insinuate itself into your body, your time, your thoughts, your relationships. Just like the devil, it wants the supremacy of your thoughts." I took that warning to heart and have been praying about it but also vigilant against it. God has given me great grace to keep close watch over my thought-life. I also know you all have been praying for me and my family for peace throughout the days. Your prayers have been very effective.

The other day I was sitting at the kitchen counter while Ron was working in the kitchen and I said with all sincerity, "Gosh, I really don't feel well. (pause) I wonder why?" Ron turned around and just stared at me. As I looked at him and his response, it suddenly dawned on me..."oh yeah, I forgot."

There are many times in each day when I have no thought at all of cancer. This disease is only a temporary intruder in my body and I have no intention of allowing it to insinuate itself into my life, my thoughts, my emotions or my family more than I need to in order to deal with its effective removal from my body.

Thank you for praying for grace for me and my family, God is abundantly answering your prayers.

Surgery Information and Prayer Points

Well, the surgery is going to take a bit longer than I had anticipated. The doctors think the surgery will take between 4 and 5 hours with an additional hour for recovery. So with the surgery beginning at noon on July 29, Ron won't be able to see me until about 6 o'clock.

They think that I will be in the hospital for 2-3 days if all goes as well as we are anticipating. They need to be able to manage the pain with oral medication before they will release me. I will go home with drainage tubes that will stay in for 5-7 days or so. I'll be really glad for my short hair during those days as I can't shower during that time...poor Ron! smile.

In addition to needing prayer for the actual surgery time and that the recovery will go well, a significant prayer need is that I do not develop any kind of infection. This is a normal need anytime someone has surgery, but especially for me. I am allergic to all but three antibiotics, and only two of those are very effective against infection. Please pray that I would not develop any kind of infection during or after the surgery. That will be an on-going prayer request during the chemo phase as well since the doctors are very limited in what they can use to fight infection.

Please pray too that I will not develop scar tissue at the surgery site and that the visible scars will be minimal, thank you. Of course, I would also appreciate prayer that the pain would be as minimal as possible.

Please pray specifically for my surgeons, Dr. Deborah Kerlin and Dr. Ghorbani. Thank you!!

I told a friend that my plan is to check to see if the tumor is gone all the way up until they inject the medication to put me to sleep. I have seen God do many miracles in the "eleventh hour" and will continue to ask and hope for miraculous healing until the very last minute! Bless you and thank you so much for standing with our family in prayer.

pre-op appointments

I have both of my surgical pre-op appointments behind me. Thank you so much for praying for those appointments! Ron and our oldest daughter, Karyn, went with me and there was such grace on all of us. I felt really relaxed and at peace throughout both appointments. The plastic surgeon took my blood pressure and it was on the low side of normal, then he looked at me and said, "You seem to be feeling very positive and relaxed. That is good." So God's grace is tangible to us and to others.

We are all feeling very confident about the surgical team that we have working with us, all the more since meeting with them again this week. In the next post I will give details about the surgery.

Thank you again for praying, I can literally feel the support of your prayers. What a gift you are to our whole family!

Genetic Testing -- BRAC Analysis

Thursday, my wonderful sister, Lisa, and I went to see Kathleen (the same nurse I raved about who did the chemo clinic) for a genetic counseling session. Several people in our immediate and extended family have had cancer, including both of our dear parents who have gone to be with the Lord.

Lisa and I had both been thinking about the benefits of me getting tested to see if there is a genetic component to this cancer or not. After talking with her and Ron, I decided to pursue it.

Genetic counseling is required before getting the test done. It was so helpful to understand how the genetic mutation works and is passed along. If I am negative than that will be great news for my siblings, children and relatives; however, if I am positive than everyone will be encouraged to get tested too. The benefit of knowing is access to better and more sensitive screening tests as well as strong incentive to make lifestyle changes like diet, etc., that can help to prevent cancer from occurring. As the saying goes, forewarned is forearmed.

I will get the blood test for the BRAC Analysis on Wednesday but it can take a month or more to get the results back. I'll keep you posted!

Days by the Sea

I have not posted in a couple of days because Ron and I were able to get away alone to the beach for a few days...ahhhhhhhhh. Though I have not been feeling well for 9 months now, we felt like it may be awhile before I feel much better, so we decided to go. We went to the family beach house in Bodega Bay. Bob and Linda Mahley, who have been my Mom and Dad for many years, have the most wonderful home right on the coast, it has been a place of blessing, provision and restoration for all of us during different seasons of life. It was just the place Ron and I needed for a few days. (Thanks Mom and Pop!)

Ron could walk on the beach while I rested and slept, we were able to drive up the coast which was so refreshing for my senses after looking at walls and ceilings for the past several months. There is just nothing like the ocean for being refreshed and reminded of how big our God is, how beautiful His creation is and how big the world is beyond my own circumstances. Perspective is so important when facing difficult trials, it helps to remind me that God is BIG and cancer is small.

Thank you to those who have been praying for Ron and me as a couple as we walk through this together. The days at the beach house gave us the time we needed to talk, to laugh, to cry and to pray. It was just what we needed.

thoughts on identity--female to the bone

Prefacing all of this with the hope that I will be healed before my surgery date on July 29 and avoid going through surgery and chemo, I have been thinking a lot about the changes that will be taking place in my body.

I knew, even before I received the official diagnosis, that if the spots in my breast were cancer I would pursue a double mastectomy and chemotherapy. I know that was the Lord preparing my heart ahead of time because all of my doctors agree that is the best course of treatment in light of my diagnosis. In addition, we have learned that after I have chemo and and all the treatment is completed, I will also need to have my ovaries removed. That surgery, in combination with another medication, whose name escapes me at the moment, has the best chance of keeping the cancer from recurring.

As Ron and I were sitting in the chemo teaching clinic, we asked Kathleen why some women who are at risk of the cancer returning choose not to have a double mastectomy and have their ovaries removed. She said that for some women, their identity is closely tied to those parts of their bodies that make them distinctly female. Of course, that got me to thinking about what it really means to be female. Here are some thoughts, I may have more as time goes along.

My first and immediate thought was, "Every cell in my body is female, not just my breasts, ovaries and uterus." I have those body parts because I am female, they don't make me female. I love being a woman, I am grateful that God made me female because as one made in the image of God, I believe that women carry a unique expression of the image of God. He has made us little "c" creators, we have the unique capacity to bring forth life. Speaking in generalities, women often reflect the character of God as comforter, as one who comes alongside to help, many women have a gift of wisdom and the ability to care for others, to nurture and give of themselves selflessly for the good of others. These are just a few of the beautiful reflections given to those made in the image of God.

My very DNA is female. I often joke that it is the "Y" gene in men that often leaves women wondering "Y" (why) do they do that?" because we don't have that gene. =) Regardless of whether or not I have my breasts removed, my ovaries removed or even my uterus removed, I am still uniquely female because that is the image of God that has been instilled in me at a cellular level from the womb where God formed me. Therefore, every part of me is female, my fingers, my toes, even my knees are female. My female DNA is in every part of me...I am female to the bone!