Well, I'm not sure what is going on at the moment. I went to my hyperbaric treatment today, they checked my vital signs like they always do and found out that I had a fever of 101 degrees. I knew I felt kind of weird today and thought it was hot, but didn't realize it was me! I think it might be that my sinus infection did not clear completely with one round of a Z-pack. I will see my oncologist tomorrow for a scheduled appointment and I guess I'll see what is going on then. I'll keep you posted. Please pray for healing! Thanks!!!
On the amazing side, I got to go to our church, Lighthouse Regional Church, yesterday for the first time in a year. It was WONDERFUL!!! I LOVED getting to see everyone, I was overwhelmed by everyone's love and care. There were many tears of joy. The worship was heavenly, the teaching was wonderful and we had a couple who were visiting that were very prophetic and encouraging. We got to pray over a dear and precious couple who are moving to So Cal and send them out from our fellowship. We will miss them deeply. All in all it was a fantastic day. The Lord blessed me more than I could have asked or even imagined.
Monday, June 22, 2009
A Great Verse
A friend of mine who is valiantly fighting cancer right now shared a verse that was really encouraging to me. I wanted to share it with you!
Now if we are children, then we are heirs—heirs of God and co-heirs with Christ, if indeed we share in His sufferings in order that we may also share in His glory. I consider that our present sufferings are not worth comparing with the glory that will be revealed in us (Rom 8:17-18).
Now if we are children, then we are heirs—heirs of God and co-heirs with Christ, if indeed we share in His sufferings in order that we may also share in His glory. I consider that our present sufferings are not worth comparing with the glory that will be revealed in us (Rom 8:17-18).
Facets of Humility
Humility is an interesting issue. I am beginning to realize that a life of humility has facets to it, somewhat like a diamond. As you move a diamond around, light catches on the different facets and a new view of the diamond is possible, nuances and dimensions that were unseen before come into view. Through this cancer fighting journey, I have thought a lot about humility as well as experienced deeper levels of it than ever before.
I really thought that during the time when I had no hair, to say nothing of having no breasts, and still was able to go out in public, smile and look people in the eye, that God had done a pretty deep work of humility in me. I was willing to be known for who I am, even without hair or breasts. That was a really difficult part of my journey emotionally, but I got through it and was content. Then the diamond moved, light caught the facet and another dimension of my life was exposed. My eyebrows and eyelashes fell out. I prayed, gave up my rights to look normal, dug down to my source of value and worth that is not found in my outward appearance but in who I am as a person and who I am especially as a daughter of the Living God. I know that in Jesus I am loved and accepted completely just for who I am. I struggled for several days, prayed, had some weepy moments and then found a new and deeper place of humility and contentment.
So, you might think, like I did, that I had pretty much hit rock bottom in the journey toward humility. I thought that surely light had hit every possible facet of that diamond, but apparently not. It seems so silly in comparison to what I have already gone through but I am having yet another lesson in humility. Perhaps I should call it an opportunity for humility. With these hyperbaric treatments, on the day of treatment, I am not allowed to wear any makeup, I can't wear any hair products, no deodorant or perfume, not even lotion for my skin that has gotten so dry from the treatments. I can use a very mild soap and that is it. (These treatments are 5-6 days a week.) I think I was so ready to get back to normal, now that my hair is growing slowly back and my eyebrows and lashes have returned, that this new set of circumstances took me off guard. I can feel myself settling into being content and comfortable out in public again au natural, but it has been a struggle. I have prayed, felt frustrated and have been a little self conscious out in public, that is usually my barometer so to speak for where I am in the humility department. Do I think about myself when I am out in public, am I wondering what other people think of me, am I consciously aware of my appereance when I look at someone, can I look people in the eye and smile at them to bring them joy and encouragement or am I thinking about what they will think of me? Those are some of the ways I can practically gauge how free I am in the area of humility. That is the wonderful thing about humility, it frees us from self. It frees us from being self-conscious to that we can be God-conscious. It also frees us to be able to give of ourselves freely to others. So, though these opportunities have been challenging, I really do welcome the light shining on the various facets of my life where I am in need to deeper humility, exposing the nuances and dimensions of which I was previously unaware. This life is a journey, I am grateful that I do not walk alone.
I really thought that during the time when I had no hair, to say nothing of having no breasts, and still was able to go out in public, smile and look people in the eye, that God had done a pretty deep work of humility in me. I was willing to be known for who I am, even without hair or breasts. That was a really difficult part of my journey emotionally, but I got through it and was content. Then the diamond moved, light caught the facet and another dimension of my life was exposed. My eyebrows and eyelashes fell out. I prayed, gave up my rights to look normal, dug down to my source of value and worth that is not found in my outward appearance but in who I am as a person and who I am especially as a daughter of the Living God. I know that in Jesus I am loved and accepted completely just for who I am. I struggled for several days, prayed, had some weepy moments and then found a new and deeper place of humility and contentment.
So, you might think, like I did, that I had pretty much hit rock bottom in the journey toward humility. I thought that surely light had hit every possible facet of that diamond, but apparently not. It seems so silly in comparison to what I have already gone through but I am having yet another lesson in humility. Perhaps I should call it an opportunity for humility. With these hyperbaric treatments, on the day of treatment, I am not allowed to wear any makeup, I can't wear any hair products, no deodorant or perfume, not even lotion for my skin that has gotten so dry from the treatments. I can use a very mild soap and that is it. (These treatments are 5-6 days a week.) I think I was so ready to get back to normal, now that my hair is growing slowly back and my eyebrows and lashes have returned, that this new set of circumstances took me off guard. I can feel myself settling into being content and comfortable out in public again au natural, but it has been a struggle. I have prayed, felt frustrated and have been a little self conscious out in public, that is usually my barometer so to speak for where I am in the humility department. Do I think about myself when I am out in public, am I wondering what other people think of me, am I consciously aware of my appereance when I look at someone, can I look people in the eye and smile at them to bring them joy and encouragement or am I thinking about what they will think of me? Those are some of the ways I can practically gauge how free I am in the area of humility. That is the wonderful thing about humility, it frees us from self. It frees us from being self-conscious to that we can be God-conscious. It also frees us to be able to give of ourselves freely to others. So, though these opportunities have been challenging, I really do welcome the light shining on the various facets of my life where I am in need to deeper humility, exposing the nuances and dimensions of which I was previously unaware. This life is a journey, I am grateful that I do not walk alone.
Tuesday, June 16, 2009
Becoming a Wellsphere Health Blogger
I have been in conversation with Wellsphere, a network of over 2,000 health writers on the web (including doctors, nurses, healthy living professionals, and expert patients). After reading my blog, I really don't know how they found out about it, they invited me to become one of their health bloggers and awarded me the designation of being a "top health blogger."
I am very excited and grateful for this opportunity. There are approximately 5 million people who visit Wellsphere every month and read the blogs that are posted there. They will take posts from my blog and use them in their entirety in their cancer community forum. Each post of mine that they use will have a link back to my blog. Amazingly, it takes no additional work from me. I see this as an opportunity to encourage others who are fighting cancer and hope that my life and honesty will show many the love, hope and help that is found in Jesus. I also hope that the power of prayer and a loving, praying community will encourage many.
If you'd like to find out more about Wellsphere you can go to: http://www.wellsphere.com
It is free to sign up and there is an outstanding wealth of information on living in health. It is really a pretty cool website. I checked with my doctors before giving my consent to be part of this website and they have only heard good things about it. I hope you find it helpful!
I am very excited and grateful for this opportunity. There are approximately 5 million people who visit Wellsphere every month and read the blogs that are posted there. They will take posts from my blog and use them in their entirety in their cancer community forum. Each post of mine that they use will have a link back to my blog. Amazingly, it takes no additional work from me. I see this as an opportunity to encourage others who are fighting cancer and hope that my life and honesty will show many the love, hope and help that is found in Jesus. I also hope that the power of prayer and a loving, praying community will encourage many.
If you'd like to find out more about Wellsphere you can go to: http://www.wellsphere.com
It is free to sign up and there is an outstanding wealth of information on living in health. It is really a pretty cool website. I checked with my doctors before giving my consent to be part of this website and they have only heard good things about it. I hope you find it helpful!
Monday, June 15, 2009
Making lemonade out of lemons
In the spirit of making lemonade out of lemons, Ron and I decided to head up to Bodega Bay and spend several days at the beach. Since my sinus infection and bulging eardrums are keeping me from receiving hyperbaric treatments for my radiation wound (see previous post below), we thought we would just make the best of it and enjoy ourselves.
Someone asked me if I was worried about the effect that not being able to have hyperbaric treatments would have on my wound. My answer was, "No, not in the least." They then said, "Do you think you should ask your doctor what might happen since you can't have your treatments?" My answer was simply, "No." I am aggressively pursuing every possible treatment option that will help to give me the best possible prognosis in my fight against breast cancer, so I am not into denial nor am I advocating it. However, one thing I have learned through this process that seems very elementary and yet profound is that you can't change what you can't change and so there is no sense wasting one moment of life worrying about it. Worrying about what I cannot change only makes me miserable. Worry changes nothing. Each moment I worry is a moment of joy that I have lost. It is not worth it. The Bible has much to say about worry and none of it is good. One of my life sayings is, "Why worry when you can pray!" I would rather pray, which can and does change things, and trust in my loving Jesus who has my life securely in His hand than spend my energy with worry that changes nothing.
So in that spirit, we are enjoying the beauty of the Pacific Ocean, yummy seafood and fresh salt air. When my ears clear, I will return to hyperbaric treatments and will be all the more refreshed and rested for having enjoyed this time rather than worrying about it! God knows what He is talking about when He tells us not to worry! I am grateful!!
Someone asked me if I was worried about the effect that not being able to have hyperbaric treatments would have on my wound. My answer was, "No, not in the least." They then said, "Do you think you should ask your doctor what might happen since you can't have your treatments?" My answer was simply, "No." I am aggressively pursuing every possible treatment option that will help to give me the best possible prognosis in my fight against breast cancer, so I am not into denial nor am I advocating it. However, one thing I have learned through this process that seems very elementary and yet profound is that you can't change what you can't change and so there is no sense wasting one moment of life worrying about it. Worrying about what I cannot change only makes me miserable. Worry changes nothing. Each moment I worry is a moment of joy that I have lost. It is not worth it. The Bible has much to say about worry and none of it is good. One of my life sayings is, "Why worry when you can pray!" I would rather pray, which can and does change things, and trust in my loving Jesus who has my life securely in His hand than spend my energy with worry that changes nothing.
So in that spirit, we are enjoying the beauty of the Pacific Ocean, yummy seafood and fresh salt air. When my ears clear, I will return to hyperbaric treatments and will be all the more refreshed and rested for having enjoyed this time rather than worrying about it! God knows what He is talking about when He tells us not to worry! I am grateful!!
Well, I decided to try Twitter. If you are into Twitter and would like to follow my tweets my address is: http://twitter.com/LeslynMusch
Sinus infection and bulging ear drums
I have not been able to have hyperbaric treatment over the past couple of weeks. The congestion I mentioned in one of my last updates developed into a sinus infection and my ear drums were bulging according to my nurse practitioner. It was a very good thing that I had not gone in for hyperbaric treatment as it could have caused my ear drums to burst. So, once again, God was gracious in helping me to be sensitive to my body and following through on what I felt was the right thing to do. My oncologist's office got me in right away when I called, they are so great. They started me that day on antibiotics. If you are counting, that means I am now taking two antibiotics at the same time (one for the staph infection in my radiation wound and one for this sinus infection). Please pray for my intestines...you can only imagine what double antibiotics can do to intestinal health! I am using probiotics and eating live culture yogurt, which is helping some, but I would still be very grateful for your prayers. Thank you!!
PS. I am still taking Vicodin at night for the pain from the wound, but it continues to get better little by little. I am grateful for progress in any form!
PS. I am still taking Vicodin at night for the pain from the wound, but it continues to get better little by little. I am grateful for progress in any form!
Sunday, June 7, 2009
I colored my hair
Yes, I broke down and had my hair colored. In some ways I really liked the gray hair, but as it got longer, I just didn't feel ready to be that gray. I guess for me, I didn't feel like my outside looked like my inside felt. Don't know if that makes sense or not, but like I said, I just didn't feel ready to be that gray. As my grandma used to say, "If the barn needs paintin', paint it!" So I did.
The funny thing was that after I colored it, back to the brown my hair had been before chemo, I sort of missed the gray hair. I like that color with my blue eyes. At least now, when I feel ready to go gray, I will know that I like that too. So it is all good. Smile.
[pictures to follow as soon as one of my girls can take some for me]
The funny thing was that after I colored it, back to the brown my hair had been before chemo, I sort of missed the gray hair. I like that color with my blue eyes. At least now, when I feel ready to go gray, I will know that I like that too. So it is all good. Smile.
[pictures to follow as soon as one of my girls can take some for me]
Hyperbaric treatment humming along
Well, I am now a couple of weeks into hyperbaric treatment and it has been more time consuming than I first imagined. When you factor in driving time and traffic, it takes close to 4 hours a day, 6 days a week. That coupled with still having weekly Herceptin infusions and various and sundry doctor appointments, my days have been very full. I am still pretty fatigued and sleep a lot but a few days ago I did feel a shift. I could tell that the fatigue from radiation and chemo seemed to step down a notch, not a lot but I will happily take anything I can get!
Thank you for praying for healing for the wound. It started out at just over 3 inches square-ish. The top part where the wound was not so deep has already begun to show clear signs of healing. There is about a 1/4 inch of new, healthy pink skin around the edge of the wound. The doctors are all very encouraged by that and say that part is moving forward ahead of schedule. The area that is really deep where the skin and muscle had died still looks about the same, but that was expected at this point. The pain has also gotten better. I am no longer taking Vicodin during the day, I am able to push the pain to the back of my mind, so to speak, during the day. At night though, when there is nothing to distract my mind, I find the pain keeps me awake, so I am still taking one pill at night to help me sleep. That is a vast improvement over the pain level just two weeks ago.
One thing that has come up in the past two days that is a problem is that I am feeling very congested and there is pressure on my ears. There is also a lymph node that is just at the base of my left ear at the juncture of my jaw that is swollen and very sore. I missed a couple of hyperbaric treatments because of this. I really need it to heal quickly so that I can resume treatment as soon as possible. Because there is so much pressure in the chamber, they can't treat me if I am congested or there is any problem with my ears. They don't want an eardrum to burst. So if you would please pray, I would be very grateful! Please also pray for patience and grace for me with these treatments. I find being in that chamber for hours and hours and hours every week to be a bit annoying or irritating, I'm not really sure how to describe the feeling, but I need an extra dose of GRACE...that I know for sure. Thank you!!
Thank you for praying for healing for the wound. It started out at just over 3 inches square-ish. The top part where the wound was not so deep has already begun to show clear signs of healing. There is about a 1/4 inch of new, healthy pink skin around the edge of the wound. The doctors are all very encouraged by that and say that part is moving forward ahead of schedule. The area that is really deep where the skin and muscle had died still looks about the same, but that was expected at this point. The pain has also gotten better. I am no longer taking Vicodin during the day, I am able to push the pain to the back of my mind, so to speak, during the day. At night though, when there is nothing to distract my mind, I find the pain keeps me awake, so I am still taking one pill at night to help me sleep. That is a vast improvement over the pain level just two weeks ago.
One thing that has come up in the past two days that is a problem is that I am feeling very congested and there is pressure on my ears. There is also a lymph node that is just at the base of my left ear at the juncture of my jaw that is swollen and very sore. I missed a couple of hyperbaric treatments because of this. I really need it to heal quickly so that I can resume treatment as soon as possible. Because there is so much pressure in the chamber, they can't treat me if I am congested or there is any problem with my ears. They don't want an eardrum to burst. So if you would please pray, I would be very grateful! Please also pray for patience and grace for me with these treatments. I find being in that chamber for hours and hours and hours every week to be a bit annoying or irritating, I'm not really sure how to describe the feeling, but I need an extra dose of GRACE...that I know for sure. Thank you!!
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)