Surgery was cancelled in November...good thing!

So I was supposed to have surgery in November to replace my expanders with permanent implants. I finally decided to go with saline implants. I travel enough to remote areas of the world that it seemed having silicone implants that require immediate surgery if they leak would not be a good idea if I was out in a jungle. Saline implants, if they were to leak, would end up just deflating, but my body could absorb the water without harm. I could then wait until I got back home to have surgery. That seemed to make sense to me.

I had to cancel the surgery because my youngest daughter was in the hospital. I needed to be well enough to care for her both at the hospital and once she got home. She is well now.

It turns out that it was a very good thing I didn't have surgery. The scar tissue is building up very intensely in the area of my chest where they did the radiation treatment. The area is becoming like cement, very hard and encapsulating the expanders. It is pressing the expander, especially on the left side, tightly against my chest wall and misshaping it. It feels like someone has wrapped a very, very tight bandage around my chest. It is pulling the muscles in my back and is very uncomfortable.

I have spoken to two surgeons, they both agree that I need to have a more significant surgery done to repair the damage from radiation. The plan is to remove the skin and muscle on the left side over the expander and replace it with donor skin and muscle taken from my back. They will take a portion of my latissimus dorsi muscle and the skin and move it around to the front and replace the damaged tissue. It will leave a 5 inch scar on my back but should free up the tightness and pain in my "breast" area. While they are in there, they will replace the expander with a saline implant.

The surgery will take about 41/2 hours with two surgeons working in concert. I will be in the hospital for a few days. I will have a drain in the front for about a week and a drain in the back for about two weeks. It will be a few more weeks after the drains are removed to recover.

In about three months after that surgery, they will do the same thing on the right side. It is pretty major surgery. If I had the original surgery in November, they still would have had to do this one, so the decision to cancel the previous surgery saved me a needless one.

Surgery is planned for February 2.

Been awhile since I've written

I have been pondering why it has been so long since I have written on my blog. Two things have come to mind. The first and most obvious reason is that I was able to return to work in November. It has taken most of my time and energy just to keep up with working and getting back into life at a more normal pace. I love that I can work again, but it has taken all of my energy and effort over the past couple of months. I haven't had much time or energy for anything else. When they say that it takes a full year after 6 months of chemo followed by radiation to regain "normal" energy, they mean it.

The less obvious reason is denial. I think once I was able to return to work, I just sort of wanted to forget about cancer and what I've been through for awhile, so writing about it didn't fit into that subliminal agenda. So I just didn't write. I think it was a good and needed break emotionally and mentally. It has been a long couple of years.

I am back now and hope that some of you are still checking in on my blog.

Worth the Fight!

I just had a fabulous weekend with my daughter, Karyn, down in So Cal. It was Parents Weekend at Biola University. I missed her entire sophomore year at college last year as I was fighting cancer and unable to travel down to see her, meet her roommates or even see her dorm room. I can't tell you how good it was and how it warmed my heart to be able to be there for Parent Weekend. Karyn's roommate is her life-long best friend, Sarah, who I also got to see. Sarah's parents, also my dear friends, were down too and so I was able to ride with them. I so appreciated not having to drive.

It was a stretch for me physically, but so wonderful. I want to encourage those of you who may be reading this and are fighting cancer, especially those in the middle of treatment. I know the days seem long and it feels at times like you will not be able to get through the treatment. I know that at times you want to give up and that it seems just too hard to get in the car and go get pumped full of chemo drugs again. I am living proof that it is absolutely worth the fight. It is for days like I had with my daughter that I was fighting, fighting to spend time with those I love, fighting to enjoy everyday that I have, fighting to love and laugh with my family and friends, fighting for LIFE! Keep going, it is worth the struggle, and I pray God's presence, love and strength be with you.

Health 2.0 Conference in San Francisco

As a member of the Wellsphere Healthblogger Network, I am excited about the Health 2.0 conference going on right now in San Francisco (http://www.health2con.com/). The Healthblogger Network recently reached 3,000 bloggers in their network. This means that there are 3,000 health professionals and patient experts blogging about a huge variety of subjects making available a broad array of information for those looking to live well and improve their health. It is an exciting and innovative way forward in health and wellness.

As a member of the cancer community, it is my desire to speak to those who have been diagnosed with cancer, breast cancer in particular, or those who have friends and loved ones with cancer. It is my hope that through my candid and honest blogs, others might find hope, help and encouragement to press on in their fight for life. The road is different for everyone, and yet there are shared common experiences, emotions, thoughts, fears, setbacks and triumphs that all who fight cancer can share. It is my hope that these common threads can help to form a tapestry of hope in our common struggle.

Silicone or Saline-- that is the question

Surgery has been set for early November to have my expanders removed and implants put into my body. I will be very glad when that part of my reconstruction is finally behind me. I have come to find out that "immediate reconstruction" is anything but immediate. It will be a year and four months since my bi-lateral mastectomy and expander placement by the time my implants reach their final dwelling place.

The biggest decision I have to make at this point is to decide between silicone or saline implants. My doctor sent me home with two lengthy brochures to read. I was forewarned that the FDA requires they include every possible thing that can go wrong so that I can make an "informed" decision. I can understand their point, but it is also hard to read and keep fear from creeping in uninvited. I still have not made a decision. There are so many pros and cons that the decision is not an easy one. I would be interested to hear your feedback if you are informed on this subject or have personal experience.

I will keep you posted as I go through this process of deciding. Would you please pray for me for wisdom as I make my decision? Thank you!

Under construction

I went to the plastic surgeon last week and to my relief, he said the hyperbaric treatment had healed my skin enough to expand my expanders some. So I had an expansion of 55 cc's last week and will have one final expansion on Tuesday, Sept. 29 bringing my total to 450 cc's. Before the severe radiation burns I was expanded considerably beyond that, but I no longer have the elasticity in my skin cells to expand to the original goal. (If you recall, they took most of the fluid out of my expanders to take the pressure off of my radiation burn.) But, I am very happy with where we are stopping and feel very content.

I should find out next week when the doctor thinks we should do my next surgery to replace the expanders with my permanent breast implants. I still need to decide whether to use saline filled implants or silicon filled implants. There are many pros and cons to both, it is not a clear cut decision. I am trusting that the Lord will give me specific wisdom as He has done each time I have needed to make a decision. I am also praying for a clear sense of when to do the surgery. The big decision for me is whether or not to have the surgery before the holidays or after. My doctor is wise and I know he will have some good advice for me next week. I would very much appreciate your prayers for wisdom in these decisions. Thank you!!

Stronger every week

I was telling a friend that I don't necessarily feel stronger every day, but I do feel stronger every week. I have made a great deal of progress. I can actually be out doing things during the day and still cook dinner at night. It is amazing how grateful I feel for the little things in life; like being able to take a shower and not need to take a nap; like cooking dinner for my family and feeling well enough to eat with them; like taking my dogs for a walk and still being able to run errands afterward, to name just a few.

I got to drive one of my nieces to a class the other night and take another niece to Back to School Night later in the week. I also got to be in the right place at the right time to provide food for a homeless man and his children. It is beyond my ability to express how grateful I am to be on the helping side after being on the receiving end for the past two years. It is a tremendous privilege to help those I love and those that God loves. It is a gift to serve and I am grateful to have the strength to do so. Life is so very precious, I am grateful for each new day.

A New Look for a New Season

I felt very strongly from the Lord that September would begin a new season in my life and so I really wanted to get through with my hyperbaric treatments. I went around 13 days in a row in order to finish by September. It was GREAT starting this new month with the daily treatment phase behind me.

I also wanted to change the look of my blog to reflect the change that has taken place. In this past season I felt very much that the Lord was walking with me through the "valley of the shadow of death." I feel like I have come out of the valley into a field of green pastures with lots of sun and cool breezes. I wanted the look of the blog to reflect that feeling.

I am still getting my strength back. I tire out more quickly than I used to and Ron says that my endurance still has a ways to go, but being 6 months out from chemotherapy is a wondrous thing! I have really gained so much ground.

Thank you for being with me on this journey, for praying me into this new season, and for your faithfulness to stand with me through the toughest fight I've ever faced. I am so grateful for you

FINISHED Hyperbaric Oxygen Treatment

Well, I am thrilled to report that I completed my 40th and final hyperbaric oxygen treatment on Saturday, August 29, 2009!! I have been going to the hospital 5 days a week since about February for either radiation or hyperbaric. I am so happy and relieved to have that phase of my treatment behind me. It is just so nice to have days in which I don't have to go to the hospital or even see a doctor...as great as my doctors have been!

One of the nurses said that in his 20 years of nursing he had never seen anyone with a wound as bad as mine heal as quickly as mine did. I know that was a direct result of God's gracious healing and your faithful prayers! Thank you, thank you, thank you!

Ron and I had some amazing opportunities to talk about the Lord, to pray for people and generally be a blessing when ever we could during my time in hyperbaric treatement. We were told that our lives showed that it really helps to "have someone bigger than you looking out for you" and that prayer really makes a difference. That was very encouraging. The doctors and nurses in hyperbaric were just great, we got to be very close. I will miss them.

Hyperbaric oxygen treatment is really an outstanding treatment in helping wounds to heal. I am one of many who were helped during my time there. Hyperbaric treatment is helping to save many cancer patients, diabetic patients and others from having surgery or even loosing a toe or even a foot. I had no idea it was such a powerful help in healing wounds. I highly recommend it!

Heading Down to LA

I am just posting a quick update as I head out of town for a few days. I am heading down to LA to help a friend move...yes, I am feeling well enough to travel and help someone else...it is a new day!!

I also wanted to let you know that I was released from the wound care clinic a week ago. My wound has been pronounced healed! I still have 12 more hyperbaric treatments to complete out of 40, but I am well on my way to being done!!

I am literally heading out the door so I will keep this short, but I wanted you to know that I am doing so much better. Thank you for all of your faithful prayers, I know I am doing this well because of your partnership in my healing process through prayer. The Lord is kind and He is faithful...always!

I'm riding my bike again

I got to go ride my bike with Karyn today. It was so much fun! It has been my heart's desire and prayer to be able to hike and ride my bike again. Having been sick for almost 2 years, it has taken a lot of hard work and many, many baby steps to get back to being in good enough shape to do what I had taken for granted before. I still have a long way to go, but I am getting there!

After my double mastectomy and removal of 18 lymph nodes on my right side last summer, I could only do 4 crunches when I was given the go ahead to begin slowly exercising. During chemo, there were days that it was all I could do to get to the bathroom, forget about the crunches. Radiation was a rough ride for me and having this radiation necrosis put a further hitch in my get-a-long, but I've been cleared again to exercises and have been steadily working on it. Little by little, taking many baby steps along the way, I am really making progress. I am up to 60 crunches, I am using light hand weights to work my arms. It amazes me how much muscle mass I lost during chemo and being sick for two years. I work on it almost every day though and I am slowly seeing improvement. This process has taught me to rejoice in the little accomplishments of life, it helps me to be patient.

I hope in a couple of weeks that I can go kayaking. As soon as the radiation wound heals completely and there is no longer risk of infection, I plan to be out on the lake paddling. I can hardly wait!

I am still going to hyperbaric treatment. They think I still need around 20 more treatments. We shall see. The healing is really making progress. The wound was originally over 6 cm by 5. 8 cm. Now it is down to 2cm by 1cm!! I am very encouraged. Thank you for all of your prayers, God is answering in amazing ways.

this time, no news was good news!

Sorry it has been so long since I've posted. I actually got to go on vacation! I went with my friend, Karen, to Tahoe for several days. We had a blast and I was so very encouraged by the endurance I had while hiking around. It was amazing.

I had to wear a lymphedema sleeve and glove the entire time I was up in the altitude, which was a little annoying, but well worth it. I didn't have any problems with swelling. They had me put it on in Auburn and then I took it off when I got back down to Auburn. I felt a little self conscious at first but within a few hours I just forgot about it for the most part.

The sleeve and glove are expensive, over $200. I only have one of each, so for going down to the beach with the dog and when I can kayak (hopefully in a couple of weeks) I bought the kind of sleeve that cyclists wear with their short sleeve shirts when it is cold. I got a tight one, one that feels about as tight as my lymphedema sleeve. I also bought kayak gloves that are tight like the lymphedema glove and put those on when I was going to get wet or dirty. It worked out great for me...if you are a cancer patient, I would check it out with your doctor before trying this idea. I still wore the real deal most of the time, but the two cycling sleeves were about $30 and the kayak gloves about $20, so they were much cheaper and easier to wash.

I was able to hike for a couple of miles, which was both fun and so encouraging. I worked so hard during cancer treatment to try and keep up my strength. My motto has been, "do what I can when I can." So if I could only walk across the house, I'd do that. When I could walk to the end of the porch, I'd do that and be happy that at least I could do something. After that , I got to where I could walk to the mail box, then to the end of the street. Ron and my girls have been walking with me as I have been slowly increasing the distance I could walk. It has apparently really paid off as I was able to hike up in the mountains. As I walked in the beauty of God's amazing creation, I thanked Him for seeing me through those very difficult months of treatment, I was thankful for you for your faithful prayers each step of the way, and I was thankful to be alive to enjoy such beauty again. God is good and I am so thankful.

Passed my one year mark!

On June 19, 2008, I was diagnosed with breast cancer. Just over a year later, I am thrilled to be able to say that I am cancer free. I want to thank the Lord for His faithfulness to me through this very difficult journey. His presence has held me and sustained me through some of the darkest and most difficult days of my life. He has been and continues to be faithful. I still have a ways to go with treatment, but it is so encouraging to look back at all that has been completed and accomplished.

I also want to thank each of you! You have been a constant source of prayer and encouragement to me throughout this journey and I am so very, very grateful to you and for you! I could not be where I am today without your help and partnership. You are awesome!!

with a heart overflowing with love and gratitude,
Leslyn

Finished another week of hyperbaric treatment

Just got home from hyperbaric treatment. Last week, after finding out I had a fever, I went and saw my doctor. He discovered that I still had a sinus infection and put me on another round of antibiotics. That seemed to take care of the infection. Today, I finished up another week in the chamber and I am feeling fine.

Just in case you've been wondering, here are a few little known facts about hyperbaric treatment:
- At 33 feet of pressure or 2 atmospheres, it is really hard to whistle
- After being at 2 atmospheres of pressure for 2.5 hours, you get really, REALLY hungry!
- Joints pop very loudly at 2 atmospheres of pressure.
In case any of that comes up on Jeopardy, you'll be set!

I get to take a few days off from treatment and I am so excited. They are closed over 4th of July weekend. Being in that very small tube day after day gets to me after awhile. It is definitely making a difference though! The wound continues to get smaller and is completely scabbed over, which is pretty amazing. I have had an open wound since the early part of April! The doctors are all encouraged. I asked the wound specialist if he thought I needed to continue with hyperbaric since the scab had formed and he said very clearly that he thought it was necessary. He said more directly than ever before that I had "severe radiation necrosis" and that I needed to keep up hyperbaric treatment until it was completely healed. So that is what I will do!

Thank you for praying for me. I can tell that this week I have had an increase of grace to be in the chamber. I am a far cry from enjoying it, but at least I don't feel so frustrated while I am burning up half a day, 5 days a week. God's grace is enough!

Hope all of you in America have a wonderful 4th of July! God bless our nation!!

Got the boot from hyperbaric treatment today

Well, I'm not sure what is going on at the moment. I went to my hyperbaric treatment today, they checked my vital signs like they always do and found out that I had a fever of 101 degrees. I knew I felt kind of weird today and thought it was hot, but didn't realize it was me! I think it might be that my sinus infection did not clear completely with one round of a Z-pack. I will see my oncologist tomorrow for a scheduled appointment and I guess I'll see what is going on then. I'll keep you posted. Please pray for healing! Thanks!!!

On the amazing side, I got to go to our church, Lighthouse Regional Church, yesterday for the first time in a year. It was WONDERFUL!!! I LOVED getting to see everyone, I was overwhelmed by everyone's love and care. There were many tears of joy. The worship was heavenly, the teaching was wonderful and we had a couple who were visiting that were very prophetic and encouraging. We got to pray over a dear and precious couple who are moving to So Cal and send them out from our fellowship. We will miss them deeply. All in all it was a fantastic day. The Lord blessed me more than I could have asked or even imagined.

A Great Verse

A friend of mine who is valiantly fighting cancer right now shared a verse that was really encouraging to me. I wanted to share it with you!

Now if we are children, then we are heirs—heirs of God and co-heirs with Christ, if indeed we share in His sufferings in order that we may also share in His glory. I consider that our present sufferings are not worth comparing with the glory that will be revealed in us (Rom 8:17-18).

Facets of Humility

Humility is an interesting issue. I am beginning to realize that a life of humility has facets to it, somewhat like a diamond. As you move a diamond around, light catches on the different facets and a new view of the diamond is possible, nuances and dimensions that were unseen before come into view. Through this cancer fighting journey, I have thought a lot about humility as well as experienced deeper levels of it than ever before.

I really thought that during the time when I had no hair, to say nothing of having no breasts, and still was able to go out in public, smile and look people in the eye, that God had done a pretty deep work of humility in me. I was willing to be known for who I am, even without hair or breasts. That was a really difficult part of my journey emotionally, but I got through it and was content. Then the diamond moved, light caught the facet and another dimension of my life was exposed. My eyebrows and eyelashes fell out. I prayed, gave up my rights to look normal, dug down to my source of value and worth that is not found in my outward appearance but in who I am as a person and who I am especially as a daughter of the Living God. I know that in Jesus I am loved and accepted completely just for who I am. I struggled for several days, prayed, had some weepy moments and then found a new and deeper place of humility and contentment.

So, you might think, like I did, that I had pretty much hit rock bottom in the journey toward humility. I thought that surely light had hit every possible facet of that diamond, but apparently not. It seems so silly in comparison to what I have already gone through but I am having yet another lesson in humility. Perhaps I should call it an opportunity for humility. With these hyperbaric treatments, on the day of treatment, I am not allowed to wear any makeup, I can't wear any hair products, no deodorant or perfume, not even lotion for my skin that has gotten so dry from the treatments. I can use a very mild soap and that is it. (These treatments are 5-6 days a week.) I think I was so ready to get back to normal, now that my hair is growing slowly back and my eyebrows and lashes have returned, that this new set of circumstances took me off guard. I can feel myself settling into being content and comfortable out in public again au natural, but it has been a struggle. I have prayed, felt frustrated and have been a little self conscious out in public, that is usually my barometer so to speak for where I am in the humility department. Do I think about myself when I am out in public, am I wondering what other people think of me, am I consciously aware of my appereance when I look at someone, can I look people in the eye and smile at them to bring them joy and encouragement or am I thinking about what they will think of me? Those are some of the ways I can practically gauge how free I am in the area of humility. That is the wonderful thing about humility, it frees us from self. It frees us from being self-conscious to that we can be God-conscious. It also frees us to be able to give of ourselves freely to others. So, though these opportunities have been challenging, I really do welcome the light shining on the various facets of my life where I am in need to deeper humility, exposing the nuances and dimensions of which I was previously unaware. This life is a journey, I am grateful that I do not walk alone.

Becoming a Wellsphere Health Blogger

I have been in conversation with Wellsphere, a network of over 2,000 health writers on the web (including doctors, nurses, healthy living professionals, and expert patients). After reading my blog, I really don't know how they found out about it, they invited me to become one of their health bloggers and awarded me the designation of being a "top health blogger."

I am very excited and grateful for this opportunity. There are approximately 5 million people who visit Wellsphere every month and read the blogs that are posted there. They will take posts from my blog and use them in their entirety in their cancer community forum. Each post of mine that they use will have a link back to my blog. Amazingly, it takes no additional work from me. I see this as an opportunity to encourage others who are fighting cancer and hope that my life and honesty will show many the love, hope and help that is found in Jesus. I also hope that the power of prayer and a loving, praying community will encourage many.

If you'd like to find out more about Wellsphere you can go to: http://www.wellsphere.com
It is free to sign up and there is an outstanding wealth of information on living in health. It is really a pretty cool website. I checked with my doctors before giving my consent to be part of this website and they have only heard good things about it. I hope you find it helpful!

Making lemonade out of lemons

In the spirit of making lemonade out of lemons, Ron and I decided to head up to Bodega Bay and spend several days at the beach. Since my sinus infection and bulging eardrums are keeping me from receiving hyperbaric treatments for my radiation wound (see previous post below), we thought we would just make the best of it and enjoy ourselves.

Someone asked me if I was worried about the effect that not being able to have hyperbaric treatments would have on my wound. My answer was, "No, not in the least." They then said, "Do you think you should ask your doctor what might happen since you can't have your treatments?" My answer was simply, "No." I am aggressively pursuing every possible treatment option that will help to give me the best possible prognosis in my fight against breast cancer, so I am not into denial nor am I advocating it. However, one thing I have learned through this process that seems very elementary and yet profound is that you can't change what you can't change and so there is no sense wasting one moment of life worrying about it. Worrying about what I cannot change only makes me miserable. Worry changes nothing. Each moment I worry is a moment of joy that I have lost. It is not worth it. The Bible has much to say about worry and none of it is good. One of my life sayings is, "Why worry when you can pray!" I would rather pray, which can and does change things, and trust in my loving Jesus who has my life securely in His hand than spend my energy with worry that changes nothing.

So in that spirit, we are enjoying the beauty of the Pacific Ocean, yummy seafood and fresh salt air. When my ears clear, I will return to hyperbaric treatments and will be all the more refreshed and rested for having enjoyed this time rather than worrying about it! God knows what He is talking about when He tells us not to worry! I am grateful!!

Twitter

Well, I decided to try Twitter. If you are into Twitter and would like to follow my tweets my address is: http://twitter.com/LeslynMusch

Sinus infection and bulging ear drums

I have not been able to have hyperbaric treatment over the past couple of weeks. The congestion I mentioned in one of my last updates developed into a sinus infection and my ear drums were bulging according to my nurse practitioner. It was a very good thing that I had not gone in for hyperbaric treatment as it could have caused my ear drums to burst. So, once again, God was gracious in helping me to be sensitive to my body and following through on what I felt was the right thing to do. My oncologist's office got me in right away when I called, they are so great. They started me that day on antibiotics. If you are counting, that means I am now taking two antibiotics at the same time (one for the staph infection in my radiation wound and one for this sinus infection). Please pray for my intestines...you can only imagine what double antibiotics can do to intestinal health! I am using probiotics and eating live culture yogurt, which is helping some, but I would still be very grateful for your prayers. Thank you!!
PS. I am still taking Vicodin at night for the pain from the wound, but it continues to get better little by little. I am grateful for progress in any form!

I colored my hair

Yes, I broke down and had my hair colored. In some ways I really liked the gray hair, but as it got longer, I just didn't feel ready to be that gray. I guess for me, I didn't feel like my outside looked like my inside felt. Don't know if that makes sense or not, but like I said, I just didn't feel ready to be that gray. As my grandma used to say, "If the barn needs paintin', paint it!" So I did.

The funny thing was that after I colored it, back to the brown my hair had been before chemo, I sort of missed the gray hair. I like that color with my blue eyes. At least now, when I feel ready to go gray, I will know that I like that too. So it is all good. Smile.
[pictures to follow as soon as one of my girls can take some for me]

Hyperbaric treatment humming along

Well, I am now a couple of weeks into hyperbaric treatment and it has been more time consuming than I first imagined. When you factor in driving time and traffic, it takes close to 4 hours a day, 6 days a week. That coupled with still having weekly Herceptin infusions and various and sundry doctor appointments, my days have been very full. I am still pretty fatigued and sleep a lot but a few days ago I did feel a shift. I could tell that the fatigue from radiation and chemo seemed to step down a notch, not a lot but I will happily take anything I can get!

Thank you for praying for healing for the wound. It started out at just over 3 inches square-ish. The top part where the wound was not so deep has already begun to show clear signs of healing. There is about a 1/4 inch of new, healthy pink skin around the edge of the wound. The doctors are all very encouraged by that and say that part is moving forward ahead of schedule. The area that is really deep where the skin and muscle had died still looks about the same, but that was expected at this point. The pain has also gotten better. I am no longer taking Vicodin during the day, I am able to push the pain to the back of my mind, so to speak, during the day. At night though, when there is nothing to distract my mind, I find the pain keeps me awake, so I am still taking one pill at night to help me sleep. That is a vast improvement over the pain level just two weeks ago.

One thing that has come up in the past two days that is a problem is that I am feeling very congested and there is pressure on my ears. There is also a lymph node that is just at the base of my left ear at the juncture of my jaw that is swollen and very sore. I missed a couple of hyperbaric treatments because of this. I really need it to heal quickly so that I can resume treatment as soon as possible. Because there is so much pressure in the chamber, they can't treat me if I am congested or there is any problem with my ears. They don't want an eardrum to burst. So if you would please pray, I would be very grateful! Please also pray for patience and grace for me with these treatments. I find being in that chamber for hours and hours and hours every week to be a bit annoying or irritating, I'm not really sure how to describe the feeling, but I need an extra dose of GRACE...that I know for sure. Thank you!!

Started Hyperbaric Treatment Today

All I can say is you all are amazing. I was really fighting discouragement and fear and I woke up today with the deepest sense of peace and trust. I feel a little like I am floating, I know your prayers are lifting me above the challenging circumstances that I am facing right now. Thank you a hundred times over!

So the story continues...

Yesterday, (Friday) I did get to see a plastic surgeon (my plastic surgeon who has been working with me on my breast reconstruction has been out of town). It was a very, very long day and I will not go into in all of the details, but suffice it to say that he was eventually able to successfully remove about half of the fluid in my left expander. Removing the fluid took the pressure off of the blood vessels that supply circulation to the wound. That in itself should help the healing process. He said there is very little tissue covering the expander on the wound site and that I had been in danger of having the expander break through the tissue. Thank the Lord we got that fluid out and the pressure off before that happened. I can't even imagine how much that would have hurt. It would also have required immediate surgery, so praise the Lord!

Today, I went in to see a doctor of Hyperbaric medicine (see wikipedia for a pretty good explanation and a picture of a chamber that looks like the one that I use: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Hyperbaric_medicine

I really liked the doctor and all of the techs that were working. Ron and I thought that we would just see the Dr. and then IF he decided I needed treatment, we would get a treatment on the calendar. Well, the doctor saw me today and decided to begin treatment immediately. So, I had my first treatment today, I have my second one tomorrow. Yep, they treat on Sundays!

The treatment plan will run about 2 hours a day in the chamber, 6 days a week (I'll usually have Sundays off) and I will need between 40 and 60 treatments! That was a little sobering. Yes, the wound is really bad.

I felt such amazing peace throughout the treatment. When I finished, the doctor said almost no one does as well as I did on their first treatment. The treatment feels similar to the pressure one feels when scuba diving to about 33 feet. The pressure builds up in the ears and they have to be cleared over and over until the proper pressure is reached. By God's grace, I did so well that when I finished the doctor shook my hand and said, "Welcome to the United States Navy!" I think he feels I am ready to be a navy diver! It was funny. One of these times I am going to walk in wearing my diving mask and snorkel just to make them laugh.

My plastic surgeon called me at home tonight; he just got back from his vacation. He is going to see me in his office tomorrow! He wants to see the wound himself and make sure everything is okay with my expander. (I have amazing doctors. Who hears of a doctor willing to come into his office on a Sunday during his vacation AND on a three day weekend!! God's favor is amazing.) I will see him and then go directly over to the hospital for my hyperbaric treatment #2 of 40-60. This is going to be a bit of a long haul.

Here is a final piece of good news. The hyperbaric Dr. told Ron and me that studies show that patients who receive hyperbaric treatment after radiation typically do not have any lasting negative effects in their bodies from radiation treatment. Apparently, the cells that are damaged during radiation are restored and repaired during hyperbaric treatment. The significant increase in oxygen causes new blood supplies to appear, enables the cells to repair the damage that radiation does to the walls of blood vessels and stimulates stem cell growth in the bone marrow, just to name a few benefits. All kinds of things in the body heal as the cells are restored, even the immune system is regenerated. So, I was thinking, as I listened to the doctor, that perhaps this is God truly working ALL things together for good. Without the burn, I wouldn't have been able to have hyperbaric treatment. Through this treatment I am believing that God is going to restore all that was damaged during radiation as well as whatever else needs to be restored in my body, even my immune system. God is amazing! So while on one hand, 40-60 treatments is a bit daunting, but on the other hand, I am focusing on the blessing that this treatment will be in the long run.

One more thing, the name emblazoned on the outside of the hyperbaric chamber is "SECHRIST" over the top of a world map! At first glance, it looked like "see christ" over the nations of the world. It was really encouraging to both Ron and me.

Thank you so much for rallying around me in prayer. I can totally feel it!! with a grateful heart, Leslyn

I really need your prayer or A Tale of Woe

Lots has happened since my last post. The good thing is, I didn't end up getting sick, just didn't feel great for a couple of days but it did not develop into anything. That was an answer to prayer!

On Friday, I noticed my burn wound began to look weird and smell kind of funky (I think that is a medical term...lol) so I called the doctor and they couldn't see me until Monday. I spent the weekend soaking the wound in domeboro solution and saw Kathleen on Monday. She didn't like the way the wound looked either and started me on antibiotics.

Today, I went in for my Herceptin infusion and asked to see Kathleen again because everyone in my house agreed that the wound looked worse this morning. She got me in right away and again she agreed and was worried about the area I was worried about. A section had gotten deeper and was looking a weird color, somewhere between green and black. She put me on a stronger antibiotic and sent me to the wound care center. The Lord was gracious and I was able to get in there today even though they were booked solid until June! Thank you Lord!

I got to see a great doctor who specializes in wound care. It was a bit of a nightmare though. He had to clean the wound with a scalpel! Yes, I was awake, much to my dismay. He scrapped and scrapped to get off who knows what, I wasn't looking. Then he cut into the wound to cut out and clip off the necrotic skin...it was black because the tissue had died. The burn has now gone through all layers of skin and into the muscle...I thought it looked really deep. The blessing and silver lining in this is that the worst of it is where I am still numb from the surgery, so at least the deep cut part I didn't feel. The did numb the area some, but I could still feel it...trust me!

Tomorrow I need to go to a plastic surgeon that I don't know because my plastic surgeon is out of town. He needs to remove about half of the fluid from my left expander, the one that has remained expanded throughout the radiation. The doctor thinks if we get the tension off of the skin there that the wound might heal better.

He is also trying to see if he can get me into a hyperbaric chamber to super infuse my blood stream with oxygen to also help with the healing of the wound. That is major because apparently I will need to go 5 days a week for about 30 days. They are saying it could take weeks or months to heal a wound this bad. So you know a wound is bad when the wound doctor thinks it is.
So that is my tale of woe. I am really fighting being discouraged. I know the Lord is in control and I am putting my trust in Him. Do you remember when I shared awhile back that the Lord had given me a picture of being in the boat with Him in the midst of a huge storm and I was snuggled in with Him, asleep in the back of the boat because if the storm didn't worry Him it didn't worry me. Well, I saw myself in that same picture and I had put my head up and looked over the rail of the boat and saw the huge storm all around, with waves hitting the sides of the boat and splashing over the side and I felt fear. I looked back and saw Jesus still at peace and so, right now, I feel like I am in the place of crawling back to Him to lay back down beside Him. If He is at peace, I too want to be at peace too, so I am praying. Would you please pray too? I feel like I am about at the end of my coping capacity. Thank you for continuing to stand with me, I really need your support in prayer. gratefully, Leslyn

Hit a rough patch

Well, no news was definitely not good news this time. I know it has been a long time since I have updated the blog, my radiation burns got pretty bad. I am finally healed enough that I am not taking copious amounts of Vicodin to be able to deal with the pain. I still have a fair amount of healing to go, but I am finally improving. (I spent about three days crying from the pain and then Kathleen, my nurse practitioner, gave me "the lecture" as she calls it about taking enough medication to keep the pain under control. I did much better after increasing my pain meds.)

The radiation continued to express itself in my skin for some time after my last post. I felt a little like I was on some sort of Sci-Fi horror movie as my skin was sort of melting off in globs in the areas where I received the intensive bolus treatment. The area was pretty large. It started at my sternum or breast bone and extended horizontally across my left breast, under the arm and around the back a couple of inches. Vertically, it started just below my collar bone down to about an inch or two below my breast. The area under my arm was incredibly painful, but has healed very well, it is just red and feels like a sunburn now. The area that is still pretty bad is right on the front of my left breast. It is an area about 3 to 4 inches by 3 to 4 inches. Hannah and I agreed it looks a little like the Grand Canyon. The whole thing is still raw and oozing with two very deep pockets. It seems to be healing very slowly. The deep areas are right in the spot where some of the skin had died after my double mastectomy. I think the skin that grew back must have still been pretty delicate and so burned more than the rest. At least that is my best guess as to why that area is so bad.

[For those of you with cancer who are reading and still have to go through radiation, the good news is that most people don't burn this badly. It is very likely that you won't experience what I have...I pray that is true for you! I am putting a couple of ointments on the burned areas that seem to be helping. Biafine seems to help the most. Just having the burn open to the air is also very helpful.]

Thank you for your prayers. I have so needed them and know that I got through this rough patch, as my Dad used to say, because you were carrying me in prayer. I am very, very thankful for you!! I have heard from several of you that the Lord had really put me on your heart over the past couple of weeks. Thank you for your faithfulness to respond to His leading by increasing your prayer coverage over me. You are amazing!

Please continue to pray for the area that is still so burned. It hurts and I will be very glad when it is healed. Also, today I have started feeling like I am coming down with something. It has gotten worse as the day has progressed. I am achy, have a headache, swollen glands and am a little stuffy. Please pray for complete and swift healing! Thank you so much!! lovingly, Leslyn

Having a hard day

I will keep this short, but wanted to ask for specific prayer. The burning has gotten worse and is so very painful that I am feeling overwhelmed by it all today. I am not sleeping well, and I know that effects my ability to handle the pain emotionally. Please pray that I can sleep, please pray that the pain supernaturally is lifted and for swift and miraculous healing for the skin. I won't even go into how gross the burn is, but it is bad, much worse than I imagined it could get. I really need your extra support in prayer, it makes all the difference. Thank you.

Friday, April 24th was the last day of radiation

Good news! I was able to complete my radiation treatment on Friday!! Ron was going to take me, but needed to take Hannah to the doctor to get some antibiotics for a bacterial infection she developed, so Linda D. was kind enough to take me to my appointment. Thanks Linda!

I was able to take flowers in for my doctor and the amazing techs who have been so kind to me over the past six weeks. I feel like they are helping to save my life so the least I could do was give them flowers. They've been so nice and so kind. They are so funny, they call me "Jamie Lee" because they all think I look like Jamie Lee Curtis, and they call Ron "hallway man" because he often spent the time he was waiting for me to have my treatment out in the hallway making calls for our church, Lighthouse.

I am so grateful to be finished with treatment and so grateful to you for praying me through it all! They said that the burning, which is considerable, would get worse before it gets better. It is hard to imagine that because the burning is pretty bad already. They said it would take a couple of weeks before the healing begins. Radiation has a cumulative effect, so the burn I am experiencing today is from radiation they gave me a few weeks ago. I have a couple more weeks of radiation in me that still needs to works its way out.

Thank you for your continued prayer as I begin the healing phase. Love to you! Leslyn

Really, really burned

On Thursday my skin was so burned that the doctor wanted me to skip Friday's radiation treatment, which turned out to be a very good thing! By Saturday night my skin had blistered up pretty badly, on Sunday morning I woke up and my shirt was stuck to the skin. Before I realized what was actually going on, I pulled my shirt away from my chest and my skin tore off...oh my goodness did that hurt!!!! So I cried a lot on Sunday from the pain, I can't imagine what it would have been like if I had been treated on Friday. A dear friend reminded me that there is a Person who also had His skin torn off and that she knew He could help and bring healing...I so appreciate how Jesus intimately understands all that we suffer.

I went in to see the radiation oncologist this morning (thank you Jennifer for the ride!). My doctor wanted to see me before treatment to decide if they needed to delay treatment again. I am so burned that she wanted me to take today and tomorrow off. I will go in and see her on Wednesday to decide if they can treat me then. If so, I will have radiation on Wednesday, Thursday and Friday and then I'll be finished. I am hoping that works. I would love to have this behind me.

Thank you for continuing to pray for healing and supernatural restoration of my skin, it hurts really badly.

My hair is growing again!

I asked Hannah to take some pictures of me so that you could see my hair. It is finally growing in again. It is still really short and it has come in grayer than I expected but it is mine!! As my friend Mary L says, "any day with hair is a good hair day!"


I still haven't decided if I am going to color it or just leave it gray. I think I will wait and see how it looks when it gets longer. I have been told that I am not supposed to color it or use a curling iron on it (not that there is enough to curl anyway!) for awhile. I guess that the hair is so new and fine that it damages it too much. It feels like baby hair. You can see that my eye lashes and brows have grown in too! It is all very exciting!! I have never enjoyed having hair so much in my life.

I included a picture of my sweet dog, Charley, because he has been my constant companion throughout my illness. He is never far away and has been so patient and sweet during my long and many days of bed rest and being house bound. He has been such a blessing from the Lord.


Thanks for your many prayers! My head of hair is a clear sign of the healing that is happening in my body and the recovery that is taking place after the chemotherapy.

Down to three more treatments...

Today is Friday and I got to have the day off from radiation treatment, I may have Monday off too. This week my skin suddenly got very burned. I thought it was burned before, but apparently, I was mistaken! Oh my, I had no idea. The texture of some of the skin is sort of crispy like the seaweed paper that they use for sushi...tasty on sushi, not so good for skin texture!! There are some blisters, some open sores, some crispy bits and skin so red it almost looks purple. Most of all it is sore!!!!! I have actually had to start taking codeine for the pain, especially so I can sleep. Even having cotton against my skin hurts. The good news is that I only have three more treatments, so I am almost finished. The doc is hoping that taking a few days off in a row will allow my skin to heal enough to finish up the remaining three treatments.

They stopped doing the bolus treatments to the skin on Thursday. (A bolus is a way that they deliver an extra strong dose of radiation to, in my case, the skin to make sure they kill off any possible cancer cells that might be lurking there. Judging by my skin, it worked. They've been using that technique from the beginning on me.) They won't do any more bolus treatments, just "regular" radiation for the remaining three treatments.

Please pray for supernatural healing over the next few days so that they can complete my course of treatment. It is important to do all that we can to keep the cancer from having a chance to come back. Please pray for me especially at night. I have been having a hard time sleeping because of the pain as well as having to sleep on my back. I am not a back sleeper but that is the only place that doesn't hurt. Thank you!! I so appreciate you!!

Tomorrow I'll be 2/3 through with radiation!!

My how time flies when your having...oh wait, that idiom doesn't quite fit, but time is flying!! I am encouraged that I have made it this far and am not as tired as I expected to be at this point. I am still in need of naps, but radiation is much better than chemo.

My skin in the radiation field is getting more painful and I am developing some open sores. Ouch. I am also having some complications with lymphedema and am going back to the lymphedema clinic tomorrow (Tues, April 7). My left arm, the side that is getting radiated, is very sore and the tendons or lymph channels or something is getting really tight. Every morning I have to go through painful stretching exercises just to be able to straighten my arm all the way. It hurts a lot. On my right side, the side I didn't think I'd have any problems with, has developed some significant swelling under my arm. They ruled out blood clots and cancer, which was good! Now they think it is lymphedema, though I did not have any lymph nodes removed from that side. Apparently, when they do a mastectomy, it can disrupt the lymph system and cause problems. A temperamental little system apparently!! So I should find out more after they evaluate me tomorrow.

I would really appreciate your prayer that my burned skin would heal, especially the open sores. Please pray for a release in my left arm, that the tendons or lymph channels or whatever is causing the problem would be healed and relax so the pain would stop and I can have full use of my arm. Please also pray for whatever is causing the swelling in my right arm to be healed as well. It sort of feels like I am carrying a clutch purse under my arm, but of course there is nothing there but swollen tissue...it feels weird but at least that side doesn't hurt.

Thank you for continuing on this journey of faith with me! You are a great traveling partner!!

1/3 through with radiation!

I've hit the 1/3 mark on the count down of my radiation treatments. On one hand, going to radiation everyday is tiring, but on the other hand, it makes it seem like it is going quickly. I guess it is sort of like when the day is really busy at work, the day seems to go by faster.

My skin is beginning to look burned and is starting to hurt, but it is still tolerable. I really wanted to thank you for praying. I have had such tremendous faith that God is really protecting my heart and lung during radiation. I can really sense a shield of faith keeping me protected.

Thankful for you!!

Please pray for protection over my heart and left lung

I found out this week that a small part of my heart and two places in my left lung are getting some of the radiation each time I get my treatment. The doctor showed me the graphs, charts and CT scans to explain what part of my lung and heart where getting the radiation and why it was unavoidable in order to radiate the areas where the cancer was in my breast and lymph node and where they think it is most likely to recur. They have done everything they could to avoid as much of the lung and heart as possible. So, my prayer request is for protection and as Mary L said, "shielding" of my heart and lung from the adverse and damaging effects of the radiation. I REALLY do not want any long term damage done to these organs!

I am also writing to ask for prayer for strength. By the end of my first week, which was Wednesday, I was already beginning to feel increased fatigue...I still have five weeks left to go. I am getting what is considered a high dose of radiation, and they warned me that I will probably start feeling burning in my skin soon. Please join me in asking the Lord to minimize the side effects.

Throughout the time they are radiating me I pray for protection and healing of my healthy cells and that any cancer cells that might still be lingering would be killed. Would you please join me daily in that prayer. Thank you so much!! Your prayers made such a difference for me emotionally last week, thank you so much for your precious prayers that are making a very real and tangible difference in my life!

One week down, five to go!

It seems amazing to me that I have competed one week of radiation already. Your prayers really made a big difference with my emotions. I walked in supernatural peace throughout the week, have already had a chance to connect with a couple of the lab workers, and have begun to share a little about what the Lord has done in my life with workers and other patients. The people I have met have been really sweet and very kind.

This week was called, "daffodil days" sponsored by the American Cancer Society. They provided daffodils for all of the radiation patients. One of the lab workers who I am getting to know gave me an extra bouquet, "just because," which was really sweet. The Cancer Society does this to let cancer patients know they are not alone in the fight and to give the phone numbers and web info of their 24 hour help lines. I was really touched by their kindness and thoughtfulness. I could see that other patients were touched by the flowers too. Very sweet.

Starting Radiation Today

I have my first radiation treatment today at 4:30PM. I've already had several pre-radiation appointments where they made sure that all of the angles and calculations were correct, I've had two CT scans and three small tattooes and will get one more today. As they say, I'm all tatted up!

So today it begins. I will be going in for radiotherapy every weekday for the next 6 weeks. Everyone tells me that radiation is much easier than chemo, which is good, but for some reason I am feeling pretty apprehensive about the whole thing. I know logically that this should be easier, but emotionally I am feeling pretty stressed about it. I would really appreciate your prayers for peace over my emotions. I know some of the apprehension comes from association, both my parents had to have radiation treatments, so I think it brings back memories of them going though difficult times. I am praying through all of that, but I have not experienced a breakthrough emotionally yet. I am still moving forward regardless of how I feel, of course, but I thought I would let you know and ask for your prayers. I know that I need God's grace, strength, mercy and peace.

Thank you again for standing with me and for all of the encouraging words that you send to me. May God richly and deeply bless you! Leslyn

A hard week, but full of blessings

Last week was a tough one, but the Lord had placed blessings there for me in the midst of it. He is really thoughtful that way...smile.

As you know, since last September 08 I have been undergoing the process of reconstructing the breasts that were removed during my double mastectomy for cancer. That process of slowly filling the expanders that create a space between my ribs and the muscle and skin of my chest wall has been longer and more painful than I had anticipated. Just two weeks ago I had my final expansion, which meant, I thought, that I would not have to have anymore poking of needles or stretching of muscles and that the next step would be the eventual surgery to place the permanent implants. This was to happen sometime in July after I healed from radiation. Ah but there were some bumps in the road that I had not anticipated...

I found out from the radiation oncologist that they would have to drain much of the fluid from my right "breast" in order achieve the correct angle as they radiate the left side of my chest where the cancer was. Apparently, they don't want to radiate the skin and muscle on the right side because it doesn't need it. They also have to come in over the right side and radiate the left side at the shallowest possible angle in order NOT to radiate my left lung and heart, which I appreciate. What I was not expecting was to have to go back in, have another needle placed in my right breast and have most of the fluid removed after working so very hard to get it to the point of being fully expanded.

So, on Tuesday I had the fluid removed and on Thursday afternoon I went in for what they call "radiation mapping." They marked up the area they are planning to radiate with a permanent marker, ran me through a CT machine and took pictures of my chest and neck where they are planning to do radiation therapy. Then the technician said the doctor wanted to talk to me. I thought, "Uh oh." The doctor had me come out and look at the computer screen with my CT scan on it and showed me that the little bit of fluid the doctor had left in my right breast was still too much and ALL of the fluid would need to be removed, otherwise too much of my lung and heart would be hit by radiation. When the doctor originally told me about this whole draining thing, I cried off and on for two days feeling like I was having to loose my breast all over again, but by this time I was feeling fairly resigned to the idea.

Ron and I left the radiation lab and went across the street to my plastic surgeon just to make an appointment to have the rest of the fluid drained. Thankfully, and for the first time, his office was completely empty and he was able to drain the fluid right then and there, which was so nice of him and his receptionist to do for me. I saw that as the kindness and provision of the Lord. I realize now why the doctor had left some fluid in the first time. Taking all of the fluid out is very disfiguring, I will spare you the description but take my word for it, it is not attractive. That has been hard for me. I will be like this for about 9-10 weeks or more until the radiation is over and I have recovered enough to begin the process of expanding the right side again.

I will go back in on Tuesday, March 3 and they will do the mapping all over again: marking me up with a permanent marker and doing the CT scan again. After that, they will cover some of the important marks with tape, which I will wear until I come back in to begin radiation therapy in about a week to a week and a half. At that point they will tweek their measurements and then tattoo small marks permanently on my chest. The doctor assured me they would be small marks like freckles and I said, "Oh gosh, I was hoping for Tinker Bell." She laughed and yes, I was just joking. These marks outline the field of radiation so that any radiation oncologist who ever looks at me will know exactly which areas have been radiated.

So all of that was a setback we had not been prepared for and it sort of took the wind out of our sails. Ron has been great through it all, he brought me flowers and tells me daily how beautiful I am to him...I could not ask for a more loving and supportive husband.

The blessings the Lord provided during this hard week were my two dear friends, Mary and Beth, who flew in from Texas and Tennessee to be with me this week while Mary did some meetings for our church and for Aglow. They were such a blessing to have with me as I navigated these unexpected setbacks. They were also so flexible with my need to sleep a lot this past week as the recovery process from chemo is slow.

I would so appreciate your prayers for me on Tuesday, March 3 as I go in for the radiation mapping do-over.
**Please pray that they are able to get the most shallow possible angle of radiation so that they get all of the skin, muscle and bone that needs to be radiated but that they miss as much as possible of my lung and miss all of my heart.
**Please pray for protection over any lung tissue that does get radiation that God would protect it and keep it healthy.
**Radiation generally kills all cells that it hits whether healthy cells or cancer cells. It causes lots of scar tissue to form and so please pray that there is minimal scaring and burning of the muscle and skin on my chest a neck area where they will be radiating. The neck area is being radiated because the cancer had gone into my lymph nodes and they want to hit the nodes in my neck with radiation in case any cancer cells are hiding there.
**Please pray for me emotionally as I have to live with a very disfigured "breast" for the next month and a half or so.

I will post the radiation schedule as soon as I have it. Bless you and thank you so much for praying!!

You carried me in prayer over the finish line!!

Dear friends, oh how thankful I am for you!!!!!!! I am finally recovering from that last chemo treatment, it was a doosey!! I did pretty well for the first 24 hours after chemo, thanks in part to the steroids they give me with my chemo treatment. When the steroids wear off though...hold on cause the ride begins to plummet, as it did for me by Friday night after chemo on Thursday. Saturday, I was scary weak, all I did was fade in and out of sleep. That lasted really through Monday and then I started getting a bit stronger. Today is Friday, a week later, and I am actually starting to feel better. I was even able to drive Hannah over to a friend's house yesterday, it has been a long while since I've driven anywhere.

I cannot begin to tell you how wonderful it is to know that I don't have to go in for chemo next week. It is an amazing feeling.

I want you to know that your prayers truly carried me over the chemo finish line. I do not believe I would have made it without your support. The fact that I was able to complete all 12 chemo treatments on time is nothing short of a miracle. I was so weak when I began chemo due to having been sick for the whole prior year, that I marvel at God's faithfulness to keep me strong enough to complete the course of treatment. He is faithful and you have been steadfast in your prayer and support and I am so very grateful to you and for you. with much love!! Leslyn

I had my LAST chemo treatment today, 2/12

I will keep this short because I am not feeling well at all, but I had my LAST chemo treatment today!! The nurses and doctors at Contra Costa Oncology even gave me a graduation certificate celebrating my last treatment. They all signed it...very sweet and thoughtful.

The chemo is hitting me pretty hard already and probably will for the next 4-5 days, so I would very much appreciate your prayer. But I just had to share the joy with you of actually getting through this 6 month journey through chemo, and being able to get all of my infusions on schedule! You have been a VITAL part of my journey, I truly could not have done this without you. Thank you, thank you, thank you. God answers prayer and is faithful, that truth means so much more to me today than every before.

I will update you with new info regarding radiation and what is coming next as soon as I feel better, until then, God bless you beyond all that you could ask for or even imagine.

My hair is growing and so are my eye brows and lashes!

I have to say, I think God is moving here in a visible way. I just wrote, not too many days ago, that my eye lashes and eye brows all fell out. Well, I already have tiny little eye lashes growing back in on both upper and lower lids! There are a lot of them too!! My eye brows are also growing in all of a sudden. They are very short but thick. Also, I have hair growing on my head. It is also short but coming in pretty thick and very, very soft. It feels sort of like baby hair.

I still have one more chemo treatment, so I didn't expect my hair to start growing back in until toward the end of February. I am very encouraged and feel really excited about it. It is hard to convey how exciting it is to be getting my own hair growing on my own head!! Thank you for praying, I really believe that this is a direct response to your prayers for me. God is moving!!

Chemo #11 down, only one more to go!!

I had my eleventh chemo infusion yesterday along with Herceptin and a liter of IV fluids with potassium added. I went back in today and had my Neulasta shot to boost my white blood cells and had another liter of IV fluids with potassium added. That is supposed to help with the residual nausea I have been having for the past two weeks along with the extreme fatigue. I am praying it helps.

I do not feel well at all today, but am trusting that I will get better with these fluids. The consensus is that I will probably not feel better until awhile after my last chemo treatment. I just need to tough it out through the end of my treatment. They said it will probably be 6 months to a year after all of my treatment is finished, including radiation and surgeries that are still ahead of me, before I start to feel like myself again. Everyday, I get closer to that mark.

Thank you again for praying, I couldn't do this without you.
with a grateful heart,
Leslyn

My eyelashes and eyebrows are gone

The last of my remaining eyelashes fell out last night. I now have no eyebrows or eyelashes, it feels kind of weird I must confess. At any rate, I don't have to spend much time getting ready in the morning...no hair requires no fuss, and no eyebrows and eyelashes require no makeup. This experience has really taken me down to the very basics of who I am. There is a strange sort of freedom that comes with really having to look at who I am aside from looks or body parts. I have never been so grateful to know that I am a daughter of the King, a child of the living God as I am now...no props, nothing to lean on but my identity in my Jesus. That identity supersedes any outward appearance and cuts to the core of my being. I am so grateful.

Round 3 of antibiotics

I saw Kathleen today and they are starting me on a third round of antibiotics. I thought I had fought off the infections, but found out that I am not through just yet. I don't have much resistance left. The good news is that I will still be able to take chemo on Thursday, though I will admit my body is getting very weak, I am sleeping a lot. They are going to give me some hydration fluids on Thurs and Fri to see if that helps with the nausea that seems to be hanging on between treatments.

I am grateful that the Lord has made me a fighter because the next three weeks are going to be a push to get through to the end of chemo.
I am writing to ask for increased prayer support.
I know you all have been so faithful to pray all along the past 5+ months of chemo, but now at the end I really need as much prayer as possible to sustain me and really to carry me. I don't remember ever feeling so weak physically.

As I said to one of my cousins, I am so grateful that the Lord is my strength and my help in this time of trouble!! Thank you for coming to my aid in prayer.
with an extremely grateful heart for you, Leslyn

We had to put our dog down today, we miss him

Our fifteen and a half year old dog, Chance, has not been doing very well for the past couple of weeks. His health has really been failing for the past year or so, but recently his health started really taking a turn for the worse. Today, it became very clear that the kindest thing we could do for him would be to put him down. We got to spend a majority of the day with him, holding him and telling him what a good boy he has been. Ron and I took him to the Vet and were with him to the end. I cried and cried.

He has been such a great dog, very loving and very faithful. He was Karyn's dog, so I would really appreciate your prayer for her in particular. She is back down at school already, so I think it will sink in a little more slowly for her. The Lord had prepared Karyn's heart. Before she left, she told me that she thought she would probably not see Chance again, so when Ron called her today to tell her, she was already prepared.

As you can imagine, we are all feeling a little overwhelmed. With all that is already going on and now with Chance's passing, it is just a lot to handle. Those who have been following my blog for awhile may remember that we had to put our 14 year old dog, Chad, down a few months ago, so loosing Chance seemed just that much harder. We are thankful that we still have Charley, he is only 4 years old.

I know some may think, "he is just a dog," but for us, Chance was part of our family. We really love our pets. As you pray for us, would you please pray for comfort, grace and strength? We really need it and your prayers. Thank you so much.

Started a second round of antibiotics

Well, I have not been able to fight off this cold yet. I started on a second round of antibiotics last night. My lungs are still pretty congested but I have not developed pneumonia, praise the Lord!! Thank you so much for praying, I know your prayers are making a major difference.

I have my Herceptin infusion tomorrow at 9:30 AM. I am not feeling great, but definitely good enough to move forward with my infusion.

Thank you again for coming to my aide in prayer.

The cold has dropped into my lungs

Friday morning the cold seemed to be getting better. I went in for my Neulasta shot (white blood cell booster) and spent a little time sitting in the sun when I got home. It was a nice day. By evening, the cold had dropped into my lungs and I have been in bed since. I am writing from bed on my lap top. I wanted to get this out to you to ask for specific prayer.

Please pray that this does not turn into pneumonia, my lungs are very congested.
Please pray for my back to remain strong. In the past, my back tends to go out when I am coughing as hard as I am now.
Please pray that I can get into see my doctor tomorrow. I would like someone to listen to my lungs and decide if I need another round of antibiotics or not.
Please pray for grace and strength, between this cold getting so bad and chemotherapy, I am unbelievably tired and worn out. I can tell it would be easy to get discouraged but I am resisting that and trying to remain in His presence.

I wish there was more that I could say than "thank you." I truly lack the words to express how grateful I am that you are continuing to stand with me in prayer through this on-going battle. with a thankful heart, Leslyn

Was able to have chemo #10 on schedule

Thank you so much for praying! I went early on Thursday to have my blood counts checked because I had a 102 degree fever the night before. They had dropped but were still high enough for me to take the chemotherapy. When the nurse went to ask the doctor if I could have the chemo, I ask her to please tell him, "I really, really, really want to take chemo." I have to keep the long term benefit in mind more than my immediate comfort.

I only have two more chemo treatments to go. The last one will be on Feb. 12, that will be a good day!

The cold has taken hold

I got hit pretty hard by the cold last night. I thought I was getting through it with just a light cold but then it took a turn for the worse last night. I already had an appointment with the oncologist today so that worked out well. I have a sinus infection and both ears are infected, so I am on antibiotics. My temp. is 101 tonight so it is a good thing I started the antibiotics today!

I will keep this very short because I don't feel well at all, but just wanted to ask that you keep praying for healing.

I have chemo #10 on Thursday. On one hand, I can't imagine having chemo feeling like this, but on the other hand I am glad that they are letting me move forward at this point. I will need to call the office and let them know my temp is 101 tonight, they want anything over 100.5 reported to their office.

Thank you for your steadfast prayer and for continuing to stand with me in this fierce battle.

I am coming down with a cold, please pray!!

It appears that I am coming down with a cold tonight. Hannah and Karyn have both been sick with colds. Karyn is still sick. My nose started running (funny mental picture...I need to get out more) yesterday and then by this afternoon my throat started hurting down low in my larynx. This evening, I think I may be running a bit of a fever, my head hurts and my sinuses are getting pretty full.

The main issue for me is that I am well enough to get my Herceptin and chemo treatments on schedule. I have mentioned before that the recurrence rate drops by 30% if the chemo is given every two weeks throughout treatment. That benefit is lost when that treatment cycle moves off of that every two week schedule. I know that the Lord is the One who holds my life in His hands and knows the number of my days, so I need not and will not give into fear, but I do want to be diligent to ask for prayer. I know that God is able to heal and so would you go to Him with me and ask for healing of this cold? Please pray for Karyn too, she is supposed to fly back to So Cal on Monday. Thank you so much!! I am grateful for you, Leslyn

Answer to Kathy's Question

Kathy asked, after being sick and running a fever for so long what happened that made me check for cancer? Good question. Several things happened all around the same time. First, several doctors that I saw said that one of the things that can cause a fever that has no other obvious origin is a malignant tumor. I had a bone marrow biopsy to rule out several cancers that can present with a fever. That very painful test came back negative. (Breast cancer doesn't usually present with a fever, but mine did.)

I have always done my monthly self breast exams and gone for my annual mammograms. I have had several cysts in the past, some that have come and gone with fluctuating hormones during the month, so I was not too surprised when I found a lump while doing a self check. I decided to wait and keep an eye on it to see if it disappeared as my hormones changed that month. Around the same time, I went to a very gifted and highly trained massage therapist in San Francisco because my neck had gone out really badly. He is very intuitive to illness in the body. As he was checking my neck and left arm where I was having some numbness from my neck, the first thing out of his mouth was, "Have you been checked for breast cancer?" (He knew I had been sick for months at that point without a diagnosis.) My first thought was, "I had better go get that lump checked."

Also around this time, and this sounds really bizarre I know, my dog (a mini-doxie and therefore a scent hound) had been sitting on my lap and turned around and sniffed my left breast like there was something under my shirt. He did this on two or three occasions. I thought that was pretty wierd but I had read that sometimes dogs can smell cancer so it got my attention.

I think it was the the day after I came home from the massage therapist in SF, I called my GYN and made an appointment. They were able to get me in immediately. I had prayed and knew when I went into the doctor that I needed to ask to have a mammogram AND an ultrasound to check this lump. The mammogram was completely clear, but it was during the ultrasound that a very careful and thorough tech found the cancer in my left breast. So that was a long answer, but clearly the Lord went out of His way to make clear to me that I needed to get checked for breast cancer. My advice now to women is 1) do your monthly self breast exams, 2) if you suspect there is anything different, go to your doctor and make sure to ask for a mammogram and an ultrasound 3) don't put it off, I know it is scary, but going to your doctor can save your life! I am sure glad I went. Hope that helps.

2009 is here at last

Don't you just feel that 2009 is going to be a better year? I could hardly wait to start 2009. I've heard from a few others who have felt this way too. I am looking forward to a number of things this year. The first is restored health. I am very much looking forward to getting stronger as the year progresses. Full health may not come until 2010, but I believe I will make great strides in that direction this year. I am looking forward to finishing up chemo next month, Feb. 12 to be precise! I am looking forward to completing radiation, March and April, and having that behind me. There are a couple of surgeries still before me but by the end of the year, these should all be done. So though there are still some hard things to endure on this journey of healing, I can look forward to most of them being behind me by the end of this year.

I also have some very fun things to look forward to this year. Hannah is graduating from High School the end of May. We are really proud of her. My nephew Joe is getting married to his wonderful fiance Jessica in August and Ron and I get to perform the wedding. I am really looking forward to that, and trusting that by then I will be strong enough to participate. I should even have a decent amount of hair for the ceremony! My list of "Things to do when I get well" is expanding, so that gives me lots to look forward to as well.

I love what our friends Mahesh and Bonnie Chavda are saying about his year, "The Lord is preparing a table before us in the midst of our enemies, so come and dine in 2009." This is particularly meaningful to me because I am still very much in the fight for my life, very much still surrounded by the enemy, but it is in that very place that God sets a table of provision, nourishment, sustenance and even celebration before us. This reference to Psalm 23 is a precious reminder to me that my God is with me, He is for me and He is my Provider and Defender. He is not the least bit intimidated by the enemy and so I don't need to be either. Happy New Year, and I pray His grace, peace, provision and defense be yours in abundance.