Leslyn's Blog

Fabulous Women's Retreat!

2010-11-16T23:07:00.000-08:00

We had a wonderful, fabulous, off the chain, over the top, women's retreat this past weekend! Kate Eifert and her amazing team of women from Bethel in Redding came down and blessed us beyond anything we could have imagined! Thank you Lord! My heart is so full!

Karen Greschel has a blog!

2010-11-10T22:33:00.000-08:00

For those of you who would like to keep up with Karen Greschel's fight against ovarian cancer please check out her new blog at:

http://www.caringbridge.org/visit/karengreschel

I will be keeping Karen's blog updated for her and she will add journal entries as she is able. Thank you in advance for praying for her! We've been friends for 31 years and she is very dear to my heart. Blessings!

Best Place for Prosthesis and Prosthetic Bra Fitting

2010-10-24T10:45:00.000-07:00

When I first began this journey of life without my own breasts, my first visit to a local shop to get fitted with prosthetic breasts and bras was overwhelming and sort of made my head spin. I didn't know what to ask or what to look for, I didn't know that I had many, many options, I just took what was given to me.

Now, a couple of years down the road, I have found a gem that I wanted to share with you. For those of you (or a friend or loved one) who have lost your breast/s to cancer or whose breasts need some filling out due to a lumpectomy or whose reconstruction still needs a little help to have a more natural look, I have good news.

My surgeon, Dr. Kerlin, sent me to Nordstrom! Who knew they had prosthesis certified experts?! I didn't, but it was the best experience I've had to date.

For those who live near Walnut Creek, CA, I highly recommend Sommer Boulit. She is in the Lingerie department, you can call 924/930-7059 ext. 1240.

She was very, very kind, honoring, sensitive and thoughtful. She listened to my concerns and needs and was able to fit me perfectly. Surprisingly, the prices there were comparable or actually less than another place I had gone before. I could not have been happier with my experience and I wanted to pass along the good report.

Ask your doctor for a prescription for prostheses and bras. Sommer will help you with the paper work to see if you can get reimbursed from your health insurance. I hope this helps some of you, it was a huge help to me!

Doing a Healing Workshop for Aglow Fall Retreat

2010-10-24T10:32:00.000-07:00

I am excited about getting to do a Healing Workshop for the Nor Cal Aglow Retreat on November 6. I will do some teaching but want to focus mostly on equipping people with a hands on practical approach to praying for healing. I think that healing workshops are my favorite because the Lord loves to heal and always comes in supernatural ways to meet the needs of His people. Throughout the Gospels, Jesus calls those who follow Him to heal the sick. I believe that healing is a key to seeing the revival come that we are all praying for and expectantly waiting for, especially for Northern California. Please pray for miracles of healing and for an impartation of healing gifts and anointing on those who attend the workshop. Thank you!

Please pray for my friend, Karen Greschel

2010-10-24T10:14:00.001-07:00

I returned this week from being away for almost three weeks. On October 1, I got a call that my dear friend, Karen Greschel, was in the emergency room with blood clots in both lungs. (She and I have been friends for 31 years.) I was at the national Aglow conference to support my friend, Mary Forsythe, as she was the key note speaker that night. I left the conference immediately and drove to Southern California to be with Karen in the hospital. It turned out that the clots were formed because of pressure that was coming from a large ovarian cancer tumor.

In what was one of the fastest medical response times I've ever seen, she was sent to City of Hope, a premiere cancer center, had tests done and was in surgery a week and a half later. The favor of the Lord and the amazing efficiency of this cancer center was amazing to watch.

Karen's surgery was 91/2 hours long, she was in intensive care for a few days and then the hospital for a total of just over a week. She is home now. She will go in on Tuesday to get the staples out and find out the results of what they found during surgery. At that time, they will put together a game plan to fight the ovarian cancer. Please pray for Karen, for healing and life to flow through every cell of her body! Thank you!

I was able to stay down there to help for almost three weeks. I had to come home because I was due for my Lupron shot that I get every three months and my Zometa infusion that I get every six months. I pushed my treatment back as far as I could safely push it. I also needed to come home to be with my family and my wonderful church family. The support they gave me as I was away was just tremendous. I'm sure lots of pastors must feel this way, but I think we have the best church in the world. Our people are so amazing!

Restoring and Redeeming!

2010-08-31T21:59:00.000-07:00

If you've visited my blog before, you'll notice I changed the look. I believe that I am entering a new season where God is going to be restoring and redeeming the things that I had to lay down during my fight with cancer. Of course when I saw the background of a map of the nations, I knew that was the one for me! I am asking God to release me to return to the nations in this next year among many other things!

I believe this restoring and redeeming season began in August/September and is not just for me but for many in the Body of Christ. This is a transition time to set us up to move into both restoration/redemption as well as into new things. I have set aside a couple of days (Monday night thru Thursday) to seek the Lord because I don't want to carry any old mindsets into this new season. I am asking God to show me every place where old mindsets and thought patterns don't line up with His thoughts and perspective. I want to transition fully and be on the same page as Jesus. It is my strong desire to have the mind of Christ and an increased anointing of the Holy Spirit for His Kingdom and His glory. I am so thankful that the Lord promises to meet those who diligently seek Him. He loves to answer our prayers!

Fourth Surgery

2010-08-31T21:41:00.000-07:00

I had my fourth surgery on August 16th. The goal was to remove the expander on my right side and replace is with a saline implant as well as make a number of repairs to both the right and left sides. I had 7 incisions of varying lengths in all. The surgery was supposed to take 2 1/2 hours, but ended up taking an additional hour because there was so much scar tissue, called capsular contraction. I had hoped this would be my last surgery, but it looks like I will need at least one more and perhaps a second down the road.

The good news is that I recovered more quickly from this surgery than from any surgery I have previously had, which was wonderful and very encouraging. I am up in Bodega Bay right now to spend a couple of days seeking the Lord. I was able to drive myself up here and even walk on the beach today just two weeks out from surgery. That is miraculous compared to my previous recovery times from major surgery.

I see the surgeon again in a few weeks. We need to wait until the swelling has gone down before we can make a good decision about what is next.

I REALLY don't want to have any more surgeries. I am praying for a miracle to restore my left reconstructed breast. Scar tissue is building up again there from the radiation damage and surgeries, it is significantly shrinking and contracting the muscle and skin around the implant again. The new right "breast" is great, but the left one is getting smaller and smaller and tighter and tighter. At least it is not as bad as it was last January before the surgery in February. I couldn't inflate my lungs completely because of the restricting scar tissue. I really need a miracle to restore the muscles and skin on the left side. I know that God is able.

Please join me in praying for restoration and healing! Thank you!!

Kayaking!

2010-08-31T21:30:00.000-07:00

I was able to achieve one of my goals of recovery...to kayak again. Last February, I had a very large portion of my lattissmus dorsi muscle cut and brought around to try and reconstruct my left breast due to severe radiation damage. (It is the muscle that covers a large part of the back and is used to paddle a kayak among many more things than I ever realized until a chunk of it was gone!) It took many months to every so slowly regain strength and flexibility in my left arm, shoulder and back. I am happy to say that perseverance and hard work and lots of prayer culminated in my being able to kayak on Donner Lake up near Truckee on our family vacation. It was so much fun! My whole family went along with our good friends the Grunder family. It was simply wonderful!! Thanks Susan for being my kayak buddy!

Cancer Free from Head to Toe!

2010-08-31T21:12:00.000-07:00

It has been several months since I have written. I don't know who is still following my blog but I hope to begin updating it regularly again. After the retreat, I began working full time again and it took a lot more out of me than I anticipated. I really needed to put all of my energy and effort into that and so things like my blog were put on hold.

I also needed a break from thinking about fighting cancer. I just wanted to live day to day without thinking too much about it. That is another reason I didn't blog for a time.

Since my last post, much has happened. I went through a time in May and June, like most people who have finished up treatment, where I was battling with fear. For example, when I would have a bad headache, in the back of my mind I would fear that the cancer had gone to my brain, or if I coughed more than usual, that it had gone to my lungs, etc. I have heard this is a common occurrence among cancer patients, I've read about it and knew it was silly, but as much as I would pray, I couldn't get it to go away completely. So one day, I prayed and told the Lord that I really needed Him to take care of this because try as I might, I could not.

Just a few weeks later, I found a lump near where my original cancer tumor was found. My heart dropped into my stomach. It turned out to be just a glob of fatty tissue that had died from radiation trauma and formed a lump. To find that out, however, I needed to go through a battery of tests. Finally, the tests all came back confirming that from head to toe, I am cancer free. I was VERY relieved and so grateful. Suddenly the Lord brought back to mind that I had prayed and asked Him to take care of my fear. I hadn't really thought He would do it in this way, but He did a very thorough job of answering my prayer. I now no longer have to fear or worry, I know objectively that the cancer is out of my body, head to toe. When I realized He had answered my prayer through all of that, I laughed out loud, thanked Him and have been at great peace ever since.

Aglow Retreat was so fun!

2010-05-14T22:40:00.001-07:00

Thank you so much for praying for the Aglow Retreat. Thank you to those of you who were able to attend. It was so much fun! I really enjoyed having the strength, health and energy to be able to teach and minister at a retreat. I taught three sessions! Such a huge milestone for me. As I was standing there that first night, I was thinking of all of you who have prayed for me, I was there because of your faithful prayers for me.

I kept thinking of the verse that I have prayed so many times over the past 2 1/2 years,
Psalm 118:17 "I shall not die, but live, and declare the works of the Lord."
That is exactly what happened at the retreat! I live and I am declaring the works of the Lord! God is so faithful!! We are hearing wonderful reports of changed lives as a result of what God did at the retreat. It is such a privilege to follow Jesus!

God bless you abundantly for all that you have given in prayer and may the fruit that is born in the lives of those who attended the retreat be attributed to you when you stand one day before our heavenly Father.

with much love and a grateful heart!
Leslyn

Aglow International North Bay Area Spring Retreat this weekend!

2010-04-28T22:12:00.000-07:00

I will be speaking at the Aglow International North Bay Area Spring Retreat this weekend, April 30 and May 1. This will be the first retreat I have done since my fight began with cancer back in October 2007! It has been a long time.

I am really excited about the retreat. I am looking forward to seeing what God will do through me and in me. I feel like I have learned much during the trials, suffering and quietness of the past two and a half years. It will be interesting to see how all of that comes out as I am teaching and ministering.

I need to head to bed, but thought I'd post this upcoming retreat. It is truly a testimony of the faithfulness of God to see me through this past battle. It is also a testimony to your faithful prayers to help me get to this new place. I hope that you are as encouraged as I am that I am able to do this. It is a new day!

What an awesome time!!!!!

2010-04-28T22:04:00.000-07:00

Thank you, thank you, thank you for your prayers for me as I was away at the Open Heavens conference at All Nations Church. I am home now with a full and happy heart. I had a wonderful time with the Lord and with my dear friends. My body held up miraculously well. God is so very good and faithful!

It was the first time I have really traveled where I was so aware of the weakness in my body. I have always been pretty strong physically and have never felt vulnerable while traveling. This time, with the new reality of my body, I realized that I did feel vulnerable. I spent some time in prayer and realized I had an opportunity to trust God in a new way to be my strength and my defender. He was faithful and I feel like my own faith grew in the experience.

Blessings!!

Heading to the Open Heavens Conference at All Nations Church!

2010-04-20T16:47:00.000-07:00

YES!!! I have been cleared by my surgeons to travel!! Several weeks ago I felt the Lord tell me I could go to the Open Heavens conference at All Nations Church in Charlotte, N. Carolina, but circumstances made that seem impossible! I was sick with an ear and sinus infection, I had surgery coming up and an infusion that usually makes me very sick. I talked with Ron and we both believed I was to move forward in faith, so I did. I went online and bought the ticket, though I must confess that I did buy trip insurance, just in case I had not heard correctly.

I am thrilled to say that tomorrow I will use that ticket to fly to N. Carolina. This is my first major trip since October of 2007 when I first got sick!! It has been a long journey, but all along my desire has been to go to a conference with the Chavda's as soon as I was able. That day has finally arrived. All Nations Church is like family to me. They have prayed and fasted so faithfully. I am looking forward to being able to thank all of them. I am so grateful to them just as I am so very grateful to all of you!!

It is a new day!!

Please pray that I am able to deeply receive from the Lord, to soak in His presence and be renewed and nourished.
Pray that I receive healing and impartation of all that God wants to give me over the next 5 days.
Pray that I will be refreshed and come home ready to speak for the Aglow International North Bay Area Spring Retreat that I am doing on April 30 and May 1.
Pray for renewed and deepened friendships at All Nations Church and with those there for the conference. I believe there are divine appointments awaiting me!!
Thank you!!

Check out the three new encouraging posts below

2010-04-17T23:28:00.001-07:00

I have three new very encouraging posts below. Check them out starting with "Best Surgery EVER!" Thanks again for all of your prayers. I am so excited and I think you will be too!!

NO More Hyperbaric Treatments!!

2010-04-17T22:37:00.000-07:00

Another truly miraculous outcome of the last week is that both of my surgeons have determined that the surgery was such a success and healing has happened so quickly that I don't need to have any more hyperbaric treatments!! I think I am still in shock.

I went into surgery with the understanding that I still needed anywhere from 30 - 50 more treatments. Suddenly, I don't have to have any more at all!!

I am still stunned. It is slowly sinking in that this has really truly healed and all of the pain and struggle of the past two and a half months is over (and that of course on the heels of two and a half years of struggle and suffering). I was even able to take a normal shower for the first time since February 2! I have only been able to shower about once a week and even then I had to wrap and tape the wound with Saran Wrap to keep all water off of the wound. Not very comfortable!

The little things in life, like a normal daily shower, are such a wondrous gift. Thank you again for your prayers and partnership in this long struggle. I could not do this without your faithful prayer and support. This sudden break through of healing is truly a miracle...our miracle! Thank you!

Healing Beautifully

2010-04-17T22:19:00.000-07:00

Three days after the surgery I changed the dressing. I was a little afraid to take the bandages off, I just didn't know what to expect. Going into surgery, I did not have very high hopes regarding the cosmetic outcome of the surgery. I kept telling myself that all that mattered was that the wound would get closed and that it didn't matter what it looked like. Going into surgery, the wound looked really bad, it was very deforming. I was also concerned that it wouldn't heal properly after all that I had been through after the Feb. 2 surgery.

So the morning of the third day, I very slowly removed the bandages and hesitantly peeked inside to see how it looked. I almost cried from relief. It already looked 100 times better than I had even dared hope. I had no idea that the surgeon could make it look so "normal." Clearly, I still have a reconstructed breast, no one will mistake it for a real one, but it is amazingly normal. I still can't quite get over it.

There was one dark spot that I was a little concerned about, but it turned out to be just fine.

One week after surgery, the doctor took out my stitches. It is healing beautifully!

Sometime over the summer, he will complete the reconstruction of the right breast, but for now, I am going to enjoy the wonder of healing and health!

Thank you so much for praying! This is just what we were all asking for and I am so very grateful!!

Best Surgery EVER!

2010-04-17T21:29:00.001-07:00

Wow! I had no idea surgery could go so well. It was an amazing experience. I went in for surgery bright and early, everything was running exactly on time. They started an IV and let Ron and both of my daughters back into the pre-op area with me. It was so nice. They prayed for me and shortly afterward they took me into the surgical suite. I was fully awake. I scooted over onto the operating table and they gave me 2 cc's of some sort of sedative. Then the surgeon numbed the area with local anesthetic. The initial injections of it hurt but soon I was not feeling anything. The surgeon asked if I'd like any more sedative and I said, "Nope, I'm good!"

So he proceeded to begin the operation. He removed a majority of the granulation tissue down almost to the muscle, then brought the sides of the wound together and sewed the whole thing up. I could feel a lot of pressure and pulling, but no pain. I was completely at peace. It was an amazing experience. I lay there chatting with the nurses and my doctor in my croaky voice. One of my nurses was from West Africa, so that was fun talking with her. I had a pretty bad cold and laryngitis, but the doctor said I was well enough to have surgery, so we went for it!

Amazingly, I coughed once when I first lay down on the table, but did not cough even one time during the whole hour long surgery. That was truly a miracle.

I scooted back over onto the gurney and they wheeled me into recovery. Gave me a little something as a preventative for nausea and I was good to go. They sent me home in less than an hour after surgery. I got home and slept several hours that day and was just fine. I was tired for a few days, but other than that, just great. By the second day, all I needed for pain was Tylenol.

So many specific answers to prayer! Thank you all so much for praying. I am still in awe of God's goodness.

Surgery tomorrow, Thurs, April 8, 7:30 AM

2010-04-07T16:48:00.000-07:00

So I am on for surgery tomorrow bright and early. I have had an ear and sinus infection, so I didn't know for sure if I could have surgery until today. I developed the sinus and ear infection last week as a result of being in the pressure of the Hyperbaric chamber day after day. I started antibiotics on Friday, so I have 6 days worth in my system. I still have laryngitis, congestion and a cough, but no fever.

I was not getting any better and then put out a request for prayer on Facebook and woke up the next morning feeling better. Prayer is an amazing gift!! I have not run a fever since folks started praying specifically. Awesome!

So, tomorrow my plastic surgeon will go in and close this open wound I have in the left breast area. The wound is a result of a severe lack of vascular support to the area caused by radiation damage from treatment I had last year. When the doctor tried to repair and reconstruct my left breast area during surgery on February 2, part of the skin graft died. Once they cleaned out the dead tissue, I was left with this wound that still has not been able to heal.

Tomorrow, I am trusting the final step in this healing process will begin!
**Please pray that the surgery goes even better than planned.
**Please pray that enough blood supply gets to the closure so it can heal quickly.
**Please pray I DO NOT cough during surgery!
**Please pray that the surgery sight remains infection free!!
**Please pray that I do not get nauseated from the sedation.

Thank you so very much!! I know that your prayers, love and support are sustaining me on this very long journey! I am so grateful.

On for surgery...Thursday, April 8

2010-03-30T18:04:00.000-07:00

I am pleased to report that the tissue in the wound is healthy enough to have surgery next week. I am relieved.

I have had 13 Hyperbaric Oxygen Treatments (HBO) and have been going to wound care and progress is finally being made! Yea! As you may recall, after my surgery on February 2, I immediately began to have trouble with the grafted skin beginning to die. The radiation damage to my vascular system around the breast area was much worse than anyone realized. There was just not a sufficient blood supply to the newly grafted skin. The skin graft was replacing skin very scared by radiation. Thankfully the muscle flap that the surgeon brought around from my back worked well, it was just about 1/2 of the skin that died. At this point, the wound will not close without surgery.

So next week, Thursday, April 8, I will have out patient surgery bright and early in the morning. The plastic surgeon will remove some of the raw granulation tissue so that he can bring the ends of the surviving skin together to close the wound. I am hopeful that things will move along much more quickly once the wound is closed.

It will be outpatient surgery at the Aspen Surgery Center in WC. I will be in twilight sleep with local anaesthetic for about an hour. I will get to go home that day. I will continue HBO treatments starting the next day. They want to do everything they can to make sure I get enough blood circulation this time!

Please pray:
**I have a bit of a cold, enough to keep me out of HBO treatment the last couple of days, that needs to be healed quickly and completely!
**Please pray that the surgery goes well, without any problems or setbacks.
**Please pray that my blood vessels are strong enough to feed the surgery site so that there is no more necrotic/dying skin. If I need more vascular support, please pray for a miraculous healing in that area.
**Please pray that I will not be nauseated from the medication they use to help me sleep through the surgery.
**Again, please pray for NO COMPLICATIONS!!

Thank you so very, very much!!

Seeing the plastic surgeon today

2010-03-30T12:42:00.000-07:00

I have an appointment this afternoon with my plastic surgeon They have determined that the wound left from my surgery on Feb 2 will not heal without an additional surgery. I am hoping I can have it next week. I will find out today.

For those who don't know why I have this wound...

2010-03-17T20:46:00.000-07:00

If you are logging onto the blog and don't know why I have this crazy wound right now, please go back in the archives to January 24 and January 26. Those two posts will explain why I needed to have surgery on February 2. This wound is still open from that surgery.

The bottom line, for those who love brevity (which I am not great at), is that I have been fighting breast cancer. I was diagnosed in June of 2008, had a double mastectomy and all lymph nodes under my left arm removed the end of July 08. This past surgery was to try and repair severe radiation damage and do some reconstruction. The radiation damage has proven to be much worse than anyone realized. Thus the many complications. Thank you for logging on and for praying. It means more to me than I can express. I know it is the prayers of family and friends that is sustaining me through this long and difficult battle.
With deep gratitude,
Leslyn

Bad news is hard to write...

2010-03-17T19:26:00.001-07:00

I have delayed in updating my blog because I find that bad news is hard for me to write. A week and a half ago I went in to see my other surgeon and the wound had separated so far that the skin broke free from the stitches. No wonder it had been hurting!

Wound Care Center:
She and my plastic surgeon talked and decided to send me back to the Wound Care Center. That was an experience. They are so good but really aggressive when it comes to debriding a wound. The doctor goes after the wound with little scissors and a scalpel cutting and scraping away ALL tissue that he thinks is not healthy. Whoa baby. The first time I had to change my bandages at home after that, I had to go lay down. I broke out in a sweat and got light headed just from looking at the wound. For those who know me well, it tells you what it must look like to have that effect on me. I am usually unphased by that type of thing.

Hyperbaric Oxygen (HBO) Treatment:
The wound care doctor called the Hyperbaric Oxygen (HBO) doctor and I went directly from the wound care center to the HBO center at John Muir. They evaluated me and began HBO at 8AM the next morning on a Saturday. They wanted me to be treated twice a day for the first few days, but I told them I would go everyday, but not twice a day. There is a risk for oxygen toxicity if you spend too much time in 100% oxygen at 2 atmospheres of pressure. I didn't feel that the benefit outweighed the risk.

I have had 5 treatments. They think I will need 40-60 treatments. That was a bit overwhelming to hear. I got home and had a good long cry. Ron just sat with me while I cried and ran his fingers through my hair and quietly prayed for me. It was just what I needed. The next day I felt much better and stronger.

Surgery:
I saw my plastic surgeon again yesterday. He said the tissue in the wound looks good for the most part. Thank the Lord there is no infection. There is still some necrotic (dead) tissue that has developed since the last time the wound was debrided (cleaned out). He said that he hopes in two weeks with hyperbaric treatment and wound care that the necrotic tissue will be gone. If that is the case, he wants to take me back into surgery to close the wound. It just continues to get wider and wider, so he has to do something. The least invasive would be to cut away some of the tissue in the center and then bring the skin that is left back together so it will heal. If that does not work, then he will do a skin graft. I am praying the first surgery will work. They hope that since I will have a couple of weeks of hyperbaric treatments already done and will continue to go to treatment for a number of weeks afterward that the surgery will work. I will probably have surgery the week before Easter, if all goes well.

Thank you for your prayers. I had great favor to get into both the wound care and the hyperbaric treatment so quickly. We got to know everyone in both places well last time around. They were all very happy to see us, though sad that I had to be back. I trust the Lord has more for Ron and me to do in those places, we desire to be a blessing and used by the Lord there again.

Thank you for your prayers, especially that I can stay focused on the Lord and His goodness. This delay was not in my plans, so I am having to give my agenda and time schedule to the Lord again. He knows and I trust Him. Thank you!!

It will be awhile longer...

2010-03-02T22:23:00.000-08:00

I went to see my plastic surgeon today. On the one hand, he is happy with the wound, the tissue looks viable and it is not infected. I am very grateful for that! On the other hand, the wound is so bad and so deep that he thinks the best area may heal in 4-6 weeks. The area that is the worst will likely take 6-8 weeks to heal.

Please join me in continuing to pray for complete healing.
Please pray that the wound would remain infection free!
Please also pray that it would heal much more quickly than they expect. I would like this to be finished and I'd love to move forward.
Please pray too that I do not get discouraged. I am fighting that and winning, but it is a battle at times.
Thank you, I am very grateful for you and thankful that you are continuing to walk with me in this long journey and battle.

Yesterday was a hard day

2010-02-24T21:47:00.000-08:00

(Warning: this post contains a lot of detail)

I went to see the plastic surgeon yesterday for another post-op appointment. He decided to take the back drain out. It had been in for three weeks, which is longer than normal. It was still draining bloody fluid from my back but had slowed some. He was concerned that the drain itself may have been causing irritation and drainage. As of today, bloody fluid is still seeping from the hole in my back, which is better than having it accumulate under the skin in my back. It is just sort of yucky. I am hoping that by tomorrow it stops seeping. Once it finally stops and the hole heals over I can actually take a shower. That will be a glorious day.

So that was the good news. As I have mentioned previously, I have had problems again with necrotic (dead), non-viable tissue in the newly grafted skin. The nipple had died completely and the necrosis had started spreading to the other tissue in the newly built areola. The doctor said that the radiation damage to the vascular system that feeds the left side of my chest and under my left arm was much worse than he had anticipated. Even though he brought new unradiated skin around front from my back, there was not enough blood flow to support it. So I really need continued prayer for new veins to form and a miraculous healing to my vascular system there so that the tissue that is left will survive and heal.

Yesterday, the doctor went in with a scalpel and cut away and dug out all of the dead tissue to try and give the healthy tissue a better chance to begin to heal. I was awake. It was not painful because I have no feeling in that area, but I could feel pressure and it was uncomfortable. It was hard to loose another nipple, that brings my total to three nipples lost, which is just weird. It is very stressful to loose body parts. I was so hopeful right after the surgery and it all looked so good. I had a good cry off and on during the day yesterday, really just mourning the loss of what I had hoped would make me look more "normal" again. It was also just hard to have all of that cut away. It was pretty deep in places and so he had to sow it all back up. It was just emotionally intense.

I feel better today. I am pretty sore, but emotionally I am doing much better. The Lord's grace has been sweet.

Still so happy to have my VAP (Port) out!

2010-02-24T21:39:00.000-08:00

A few times each day I reach over and feel the area under my right collar bone where my port used to be, I still smile every time. I don't know if all cancer patients feel this way but it is difficult to over state how happy and grateful I am to have that port out. I was very, very thankful to have had it. It was a blessing during my Chemo and Herceptin treatments to have a direct access to a major vein. It was so nice not to have IVs in my arm. It was a much needed life line. But it is so encouraging to be at a place now where I don't need it. Getting that port out was a major milestone for me in my healing journey. It seems like there should be some kind of a port removal party. Maybe once I am feeling strong again, a celebration may be in order.

plucked eyebrows and other indicators of recovery

2010-02-24T21:30:00.000-08:00

There are some very pragmatic indicators that help to let you know where you are on the journey back to health. For example, when you are too tired and hurting to even notice that your eyebrows look like a forest, that's when you know you are still pretty bad off. I am happy to say that a week or so ago I noticed the sad state of my eyebrows. A couple of days later I had the strength and endurance to do something about it. A few days later, I passed the next milestone of shaving my legs. I am making progress!

I still have not been able to take a shower. I am hopeful that tomorrow will be the day.

making progress

2010-02-16T17:15:00.000-08:00

Today was a good day with my surgeon. He was able to remove one of my two drains. He took out the one in the front and is hoping to remove the back one on Friday. He removed the bandages from the back completely and the incision is totally healed over. Amazing. It is just a very thin line that runs horizontally where my bra strap or bathing suit would cover it. It is about 41/2 - 5 inches long. It looks great, much better than I imagined.

I will begin changing my own bandages/dressing tomorrow on the front part of the incision. The actual incision is just a round area where he removed much of the radiation damaged skin and using skin from my back, built an areola and nipple. Somehow, through that hole, he was able to remove the damaged muscle and scarring/encapsulation bring the muscle flap from the back up to the front and sow it in place and replace the expander with a saline implant. I saw pictures on the Internet of others who had Latissimus Dorsi flap surgery and they had huge scars on their breasts. Dr. Ghorbani is truly an artist and an outstanding plastic surgeon. You would never know all of that had happened. I almost cried when I realized I had minimal scarring. I am still amazed.

It does look like I will loose the nipple that was reconstructed. It has essentially died. It is black and shrivelled. He will have to remove it, called debriding the wound, later when it is ready to come off. I am not too concerned about loosing it. On the bright side, I probably will never have to wear a bra again. That is a bonus. Please do pray for continued strong and robust circulation for the muscle flap and the areola. Those are really the important parts.

Also, amazing news! I have actually recovered feeling in the reconstructed breast. I could FEEL that his examination gloves were cold. It was amazing!! I haven't felt anything there except some occasional pain since the bi-lateral mastectomy. I am thrilled. It goes a very long way to making me feel "normal."

Finally, I have lost about 50% of my range of motion in my left shoulder. When my back drain comes out I will ask for a referral to go back to the lymphedema clinic in Concord where they do physical therapy especially for breast cancer patients. They have wonderful expertise in this area. Please pray that I regain all of the movement in my left shoulder. Also that I have much grace. It is VERY painful trying to regain movement. Thank you.

...and I'm back

2010-02-16T16:35:00.001-08:00

Well today I feel well enough to sit up and type, that is encouraging. Karyn was not able to update the blog last week as she was sick. Sorry for the gap. I know that after the last post some of you were worried when you didn't hear anything. I apologize.

**Thank you, Karyn, for helping to keep up the blog while I was down. I know you are in a very busy season and I appreciate your help very much.**

Where to begin...
First, I want to thank each of you for praying me through this surgery. I had tremendous peace and grace throughout my pre-op, surgery and recovery. God's presence was tangible and I am grateful.

Karen Greschel flew up and served as our pastor during pre-op which was so sweet. We had much favor. She was able to stay in with us for a good long while. I still had a bit of a cough when I got to pre-op. After she prayed, I didn't cough again until last night. God is so awesome.

Surgery went very well, as Karyn mentioned. Recovery went well too. I honestly don't remember much of it, which is fine with me.

So last Sunday was a bumpy day. I think what happened was the drain in my back got clogged or something and wasn't draining the accumulated blood from my surgery site effectively. The blood has to go somewhere, so it started going into the tissue along my left side between my ribs and my hip. The red and purple bruising kept spreading. Meanwhile, I was getting more and more pale. The skin under my bottom eyelid looked like milk as did my gums. My blood pressure was low and my pulse high. I was dizzy and it sounded like water rushing past my ears. Generally not a good combination. My doctor, who is truly wonderful, wanted to see me on Sunday night at his office. Before leaving, I texted a bunch of friends and intercessors and they began to pray. Karyn updated the blog to alert you to pray as well. In the 20 minutes it took to get to the doctor's office, God had touched me. By the time I got there, my gums and eyes lids were pinking up and my blood pressure had risen closer to normal. The doctor fiddled with the drain and it began to drain again, the bleeding into surrounding tissue stopped. Blood work done the next day showed that I was anemic but did not need a transfusion, which is what we had been concerned about. I have been getting better each day ever since.

Thank you for your prayers! God leans in to hear them and answers (He inclines His ear to hear your prayers).

Bleeding and Bandages

2010-02-09T00:13:00.000-08:00

A Quick Update from the last few days:

Last night (Sunday), signs of internal bleeding were found at my mom's surgery site and so Dr. Gorbahni most kindly rushed into his office to meet with them and decide what needed to be done and how urgent the situation was. Before going to the office, her blood pressure was well below normal and her eyes had gone pretty white (both signs of anemia, possibly showing blood loss). A few people had been alerted to pray and upon arriving at the office, her blood pressure was normal and some blood vessels could be seen in her eyes again. Certainly an answer prayer. The doctor looked at the surgery site and said that it was not an emergency for that evening, but that blood tests would certainly need to be taken in the morning. So this morning, my dad took my mom to the hospital agian and the proper tests were done, results pending until tomorrow. Unfortunately, nothing can be done until those test results get back in.

Please pray for healing of whatever is causing the bleeding, and that clear answers can be found from the results of the tests. Also, please pray for Leslyn as this process has discouraging and also for physical strength as she battles with potential blood loss. Thank you all so very much, Leslyn sends you her love and the whole family thanks you for your prayers. You are carrying us through this!

~Karyn

Back Home :)

2010-02-04T23:38:00.000-08:00

My mom is back home after being at the hospital for two days after her surgery. Her blood levels evened out and the pain was manageable enough that the doctors discharged her. I talked with her a bit this evening on the phone, and she said that she was able to handle the pain and that given that she just had surgery a few days ago, she is feeling alright. She is still a bit nauseous, so continued prayer for that would be appreciated. She is going back in a few days so the surgeon can make sure everything is healing properly, so also please pray for that appointment and that her body will receive the reconstructive work well and will heal as it should.

She thanks all of you for joining her in prayer, as do I. God bless you all.

~Karyn

2010-02-03T21:34:00.000-08:00

Hey everyone,

Leslyn is recovering well, hooray! She was able to sit in a chair for about an hour and walked a little bit. The doctors are pleased with her progress and according to my dad (Ron) he says that her color is good and she has been up to talking. There are still some concerns though, her blood levels are low and the nausea is still hanging on to her. Please pray that these issues are resolved quickly so she can go home tomorrow and be in her own bed.

Thank you all for your care and prayer, this recovery would not be happening so smoothly without them.

~Karyn

Out of Surgery and Into Recovery

2010-02-03T00:31:00.001-08:00

Hello everyone,

Thank you all so much for praying through today. I am Leslyn's daughter, Karyn, and will be updating you all for a while since she, obviously, cannot type at the moment. Leslyn went into surgery early this afternoon and was in for about 4 1/2 hours. The Lord was very gracious, this was about an hour less than what was expected. The surgery went very well, due, I am sure, to all of your prayer and support. Also, some good news (if I understood my Dad correctly), the surgeon was apparently able to do more work than he had planned, so it is likely that a second surgery will not be necessary. Please pray that would be the case!

Tonight, when she woke up from surgery she was nauseous, but the nurses have been working on settling her stomach so she would be more comfortable. My dad and some others have been able to visit her in recovery. Please keep praying for her recovery process as she has a lot of healing to do. I will give more specific details as they come up, but after her last surgery the nausea was a significant concern, so specific prayer on that would be so appreciated.
My dad has said how much he appreciates all the concern and prayer from everyone, he and the people who were at the hospital today could all feel it, it has been a blessing already.

I will hopefully have another update tomorrow to let you all know how the recovery is going. If you have any specific questions please post them as comments and I will try to address them in the next post.

God Bless!
Karyn

It is time...surgery is here

2010-02-02T00:27:00.000-08:00

Well, I thought I would be asleep by now, but alas I am still awake. I suppose I can catch up on my sleep during the surgery. Since it is after midnight now, I am having surgery today, Feb. 2.

I just wanted to thank you once again for praying for me during the surgery today and through the recovery journey. I check in at 10:45AM and the surgery will begin at 1:00PM. It should last around 5 1/2 hours. I had a great day today. Spent most of it with my sister, which was very sweet. Now that everything is done and it is quiet I am feeling a little nervous so I have just put on my new favorite worship CD that I have been using lately in my personal time with the Lord as well as during ministry. It is called, "Take Me Away" by Grace Williams. (I downloaded it from iTunes.) It has a beautiful anointing for healing and miracles. I know I just need to keep focused on my Jesus. I always do well as long as I keep my focus on His beautiful face. It is when I start looking at circumstances that fear finds a place in me. Like Peter walking on the water, I just can't look around at the waves. Jesus is my Love and my peace.

My daughter, Karyn, has graciously agreed to update my blog for me daily while I am in the hospital. She will update it as soon as I am out of recovery from the surgery so please check back here for updates and prayer requests.

Already I feel His peace filling me and I am grateful. It has gotten late so I had better close and sleep. I wish I had words to convey my gratitude for you! I will trust the Lord to communicate it to you for me.

With a thankful heart, Leslyn

All work and no play...

2010-01-28T23:01:00.000-08:00

One more thought: I realized getting ready for major surgery is like doing all of the work that it takes to go out of town for a long vacation, but without the fun vacation part! That sort of sucks...oh well.

Hospital pre-op down, just the surgery to go...

2010-01-28T21:57:00.000-08:00

I went in for my hospital pre-op yesterday. It went well. I found out that I am scheduled for 51/2 hours of surgery. It is an hour longer than I was expecting. I am hoping that is cushion in case it goes long. They took some blood so they could get my blood type just in case I need a transfusion. I am praying and trusting that I will not. They told me that any surgery over 4 hours requires the availability of blood...just in case. They also did an EKG, which looked perfect. So I am good to go.

My surgeon is pre-medicating me with anti-nausea medicine. I would really appreciate your prayer that I don't feel nauseated or vomit when I come out of the surgery or from the pain medication that they give me. I have had a very difficult time with that in the past. It is terribly painful to throw up right after surgery...trust me!

I am feeling much better. As I mentioned, I had been fighting some fear about the surgery, the pain and being down again just when I am finally feeling great. I know many of you have been praying. I woke up this morning and felt so much better. The fear was gone and a heaviness that I have been feeling had lifted. God is so faithful and prayer is so very effective!

I am heading to bed. I am trying to excercise and get lots of sleep heading into surgery. Please pray that I will stay healthy and strong. Thank you!!

Met with the plastic surgeon

2010-01-26T14:24:00.000-08:00

I had my pre-op appointment with my plastic surgeon yesterday. It went very well. I so appreciate Dr. Ghorbani, he is very steady, peaceful and confident. Good traits for a surgeon.

He assured me that he is confident that I need to go through with this surgery. That was helpful to hear again. It will be nice to have soft and movable skin and muscle on my chest area again. It feels like scrunched up, very tight cement at the moment.

Thank you for your prayers and encouraging words regarding my fight with fear. I am beginning to feel a bit better about it all. There is a part of me that is beginning to feel excited about what the Lord has for me in my relationship with Him during these upcoming days of quietness and rest. He is so kind to walk with us and even carry us through difficult times and suffering. A friend reminded me that Jesus knows exactly how I feel. He too had his chest torn open and He carries the scars with Him still. He has identified with me even in this. Amazing.

So this next section may be too much information for some, so you may want to close this now. For those who are going through reconstruction too, this may be helpful. For those who want to pray specifically, this is for you.

The doctor is going to cut out the capsule of scar tissue that has formed around the expander. He says that will loosen up my chest wall muscles and the skin over my "breast" area. (I say "breast" area because I had a bi-lateral mastectomy and because what I have there now has very little in common with a breast.) He will also take out the radiation damaged muscle tissue and skin on the left side. (We will do the right side sometime in May or June.)

The doctor will then bring a donor portion of muscle and skin around from my back using the Latismis Dorsi muscle. I will have a drain back there for about two weeks. It will leave about a 5 inch scar. The doc is hoping that if my skin relaxes enough, he may be able to use extra skin from my back to create a nipple and colorless areola. He will have to wait and see, and so will I. If he can't, that will be another surgery that will have to be done at some time in the future. I must say, reconstruction is a much more lengthy process than I had expected. He will attach the vessels and nerves in the patch so that it gets proper blood supply. This is a very important part of the procedure as I have had trouble with poor blood supply to the breast area in my previous surgery and with radiation. I will have a drain in the front for a week or so. Dr. Kerlin will also be assisting during the surgery. They are two of the finest surgeons in the Northern California. She will be taking my VAP (port) out, which will be a huge milestone for me.

I have heard that the first 12 hours or so are the most painful. I also have had trouble with nausea and vomiting after coming out of surgery so prayer for that would be GREATLY appreciated. Throwing up with large incisions is a horrific experience.

Please pray against any infection as well. I am only able to take three antibiotics, I am allergic to the rest so I really need divine protection while in the hospital and during recovery. Thank you so much.

Please continue to pray for peace for our whole family. Both of my girls are in school during my surgery. I know that will be hard on them. Karyn is in So Cal and won't be able to come up as school starts up again next week. It is hard to be away from home when this type of thing is happening. Also, I have a cough that is hanging on from bronchitis that I had earlier this month. Please pray it leaves completely. Coughing and surgery are not a good match!
Thank you so much for your faithful prayers! I am extremely grateful!

By the way, my hospital pre-op is tomorrow.

I will be in the hospital

Processing...

2010-01-24T22:23:00.000-08:00

I rarely feel fear, I often joke that I wasn't born with a fear chip. Apparently, I have one. I was very resolute when it came to my double mastectomy surgery. I was very at peace and knew that I was making the right decision. As I look back from this vantage point, I think most of that was of course the Lord's grace and part of it was that I knew I had to do it to save my life.

This surgery is a whole different kettle of fish. Part of the decision to have the surgery is cosmetic and part of the decision is to alleviate the pain that the radiation damage is causing. It is elective not life saving. Somehow, for me emotionally, I am having a harder time preparing for this surgery. For the past couple of days I have been fighting fear and very consciously having to keep my thoughts on a very short leash so that I don't start thinking about the "What-ifs" that are so unhelpful to staying in a place of peace.

I have my pre-op appointment tomorrow. I will ask the doctor one more time if he thinks this extensive repair and rebuilding is really necessary. I need to hear it for my own peace of mind. The pain from the radiation damage has increased over the past couple of weeks, so I do know that I have to do something. In some ways, the pain is helping me to make the decision to move forward. For me it is very much about moving forward. Sometimes that is all we can do. Just keep going.

I believe that I am entering a season of rebuilding, in this case a very thorough rebuilding. Rather than look at my time of recovery as being isolated, thanks to Linda and Prudy, I am looking at it as a time of being set apart to the Lord. I believe He has some things to speak to me and show me. That part I am actually looking forward to now.

Would you please be praying for me as I process through preparing for this upcoming surgery. Would you also please join me in standing against a spirit of fear? I know that God has not given me a spirit of fear but a spirit of power, of love and of a sound mind (2 Tim 1:7). I am a "pre-processor", I process things before they happen and then by the time I get to the event, I am good to go. This is my time to process all of the things that I am feeling and to pray through to a place of peace. Thank you for joining me in prayer, I appreciate it and need your prayers.

Surgery was cancelled in November...good thing!

2009-12-31T14:04:00.000-08:00

So I was supposed to have surgery in November to replace my expanders with permanent implants. I finally decided to go with saline implants. I travel enough to remote areas of the world that it seemed having silicone implants that require immediate surgery if they leak would not be a good idea if I was out in a jungle. Saline implants, if they were to leak, would end up just deflating, but my body could absorb the water without harm. I could then wait until I got back home to have surgery. That seemed to make sense to me.

I had to cancel the surgery because my youngest daughter was in the hospital. I needed to be well enough to care for her both at the hospital and once she got home. She is well now.

It turns out that it was a very good thing I didn't have surgery. The scar tissue is building up very intensely in the area of my chest where they did the radiation treatment. The area is becoming like cement, very hard and encapsulating the expanders. It is pressing the expander, especially on the left side, tightly against my chest wall and misshaping it. It feels like someone has wrapped a very, very tight bandage around my chest. It is pulling the muscles in my back and is very uncomfortable.

I have spoken to two surgeons, they both agree that I need to have a more significant surgery done to repair the damage from radiation. The plan is to remove the skin and muscle on the left side over the expander and replace it with donor skin and muscle taken from my back. They will take a portion of my latissimus dorsi muscle and the skin and move it around to the front and replace the damaged tissue. It will leave a 5 inch scar on my back but should free up the tightness and pain in my "breast" area. While they are in there, they will replace the expander with a saline implant.

The surgery will take about 41/2 hours with two surgeons working in concert. I will be in the hospital for a few days. I will have a drain in the front for about a week and a drain in the back for about two weeks. It will be a few more weeks after the drains are removed to recover.

In about three months after that surgery, they will do the same thing on the right side. It is pretty major surgery. If I had the original surgery in November, they still would have had to do this one, so the decision to cancel the previous surgery saved me a needless one.

Surgery is planned for February 2.

Been awhile since I've written

2009-12-31T13:46:00.001-08:00

I have been pondering why it has been so long since I have written on my blog. Two things have come to mind. The first and most obvious reason is that I was able to return to work in November. It has taken most of my time and energy just to keep up with working and getting back into life at a more normal pace. I love that I can work again, but it has taken all of my energy and effort over the past couple of months. I haven't had much time or energy for anything else. When they say that it takes a full year after 6 months of chemo followed by radiation to regain "normal" energy, they mean it.

The less obvious reason is denial. I think once I was able to return to work, I just sort of wanted to forget about cancer and what I've been through for awhile, so writing about it didn't fit into that subliminal agenda. So I just didn't write. I think it was a good and needed break emotionally and mentally. It has been a long couple of years.

I am back now and hope that some of you are still checking in on my blog.

Worth the Fight!

2009-10-13T11:13:00.001-07:00

I just had a fabulous weekend with my daughter, Karyn, down in So Cal. It was Parents Weekend at Biola University. I missed her entire sophomore year at college last year as I was fighting cancer and unable to travel down to see her, meet her roommates or even see her dorm room. I can't tell you how good it was and how it warmed my heart to be able to be there for Parent Weekend. Karyn's roommate is her life-long best friend, Sarah, who I also got to see. Sarah's parents, also my dear friends, were down too and so I was able to ride with them. I so appreciated not having to drive.

It was a stretch for me physically, but so wonderful. I want to encourage those of you who may be reading this and are fighting cancer, especially those in the middle of treatment. I know the days seem long and it feels at times like you will not be able to get through the treatment. I know that at times you want to give up and that it seems just too hard to get in the car and go get pumped full of chemo drugs again. I am living proof that it is absolutely worth the fight. It is for days like I had with my daughter that I was fighting, fighting to spend time with those I love, fighting to enjoy everyday that I have, fighting to love and laugh with my family and friends, fighting for LIFE! Keep going, it is worth the struggle, and I pray God's presence, love and strength be with you.

Health 2.0 Conference in San Francisco

2009-10-06T19:31:00.000-07:00

As a member of the Wellsphere Healthblogger Network, I am excited about the Health 2.0 conference going on right now in San Francisco (http://www.health2con.com/). The Healthblogger Network recently reached 3,000 bloggers in their network. This means that there are 3,000 health professionals and patient experts blogging about a huge variety of subjects making available a broad array of information for those looking to live well and improve their health. It is an exciting and innovative way forward in health and wellness.

As a member of the cancer community, it is my desire to speak to those who have been diagnosed with cancer, breast cancer in particular, or those who have friends and loved ones with cancer. It is my hope that through my candid and honest blogs, others might find hope, help and encouragement to press on in their fight for life. The road is different for everyone, and yet there are shared common experiences, emotions, thoughts, fears, setbacks and triumphs that all who fight cancer can share. It is my hope that these common threads can help to form a tapestry of hope in our common struggle.

Silicone or Saline-- that is the question

2009-09-30T22:56:00.000-07:00

Surgery has been set for early November to have my expanders removed and implants put into my body. I will be very glad when that part of my reconstruction is finally behind me. I have come to find out that "immediate reconstruction" is anything but immediate. It will be a year and four months since my bi-lateral mastectomy and expander placement by the time my implants reach their final dwelling place.

The biggest decision I have to make at this point is to decide between silicone or saline implants. My doctor sent me home with two lengthy brochures to read. I was forewarned that the FDA requires they include every possible thing that can go wrong so that I can make an "informed" decision. I can understand their point, but it is also hard to read and keep fear from creeping in uninvited. I still have not made a decision. There are so many pros and cons that the decision is not an easy one. I would be interested to hear your feedback if you are informed on this subject or have personal experience.

I will keep you posted as I go through this process of deciding. Would you please pray for me for wisdom as I make my decision? Thank you!

Under construction

2009-09-26T23:04:00.000-07:00

I went to the plastic surgeon last week and to my relief, he said the hyperbaric treatment had healed my skin enough to expand my expanders some. So I had an expansion of 55 cc's last week and will have one final expansion on Tuesday, Sept. 29 bringing my total to 450 cc's. Before the severe radiation burns I was expanded considerably beyond that, but I no longer have the elasticity in my skin cells to expand to the original goal. (If you recall, they took most of the fluid out of my expanders to take the pressure off of my radiation burn.) But, I am very happy with where we are stopping and feel very content.

I should find out next week when the doctor thinks we should do my next surgery to replace the expanders with my permanent breast implants. I still need to decide whether to use saline filled implants or silicon filled implants. There are many pros and cons to both, it is not a clear cut decision. I am trusting that the Lord will give me specific wisdom as He has done each time I have needed to make a decision. I am also praying for a clear sense of when to do the surgery. The big decision for me is whether or not to have the surgery before the holidays or after. My doctor is wise and I know he will have some good advice for me next week. I would very much appreciate your prayers for wisdom in these decisions. Thank you!!

Stronger every week

2009-09-26T22:52:00.000-07:00

I was telling a friend that I don't necessarily feel stronger every day, but I do feel stronger every week. I have made a great deal of progress. I can actually be out doing things during the day and still cook dinner at night. It is amazing how grateful I feel for the little things in life; like being able to take a shower and not need to take a nap; like cooking dinner for my family and feeling well enough to eat with them; like taking my dogs for a walk and still being able to run errands afterward, to name just a few.

I got to drive one of my nieces to a class the other night and take another niece to Back to School Night later in the week. I also got to be in the right place at the right time to provide food for a homeless man and his children. It is beyond my ability to express how grateful I am to be on the helping side after being on the receiving end for the past two years. It is a tremendous privilege to help those I love and those that God loves. It is a gift to serve and I am grateful to have the strength to do so. Life is so very precious, I am grateful for each new day.

A New Look for a New Season

2009-09-05T19:32:00.000-07:00

I felt very strongly from the Lord that September would begin a new season in my life and so I really wanted to get through with my hyperbaric treatments. I went around 13 days in a row in order to finish by September. It was GREAT starting this new month with the daily treatment phase behind me.

I also wanted to change the look of my blog to reflect the change that has taken place. In this past season I felt very much that the Lord was walking with me through the "valley of the shadow of death." I feel like I have come out of the valley into a field of green pastures with lots of sun and cool breezes. I wanted the look of the blog to reflect that feeling.

I am still getting my strength back. I tire out more quickly than I used to and Ron says that my endurance still has a ways to go, but being 6 months out from chemotherapy is a wondrous thing! I have really gained so much ground.

Thank you for being with me on this journey, for praying me into this new season, and for your faithfulness to stand with me through the toughest fight I've ever faced. I am so grateful for you

FINISHED Hyperbaric Oxygen Treatment

2009-09-05T19:02:00.000-07:00

Well, I am thrilled to report that I completed my 40th and final hyperbaric oxygen treatment on Saturday, August 29, 2009!! I have been going to the hospital 5 days a week since about February for either radiation or hyperbaric. I am so happy and relieved to have that phase of my treatment behind me. It is just so nice to have days in which I don't have to go to the hospital or even see a doctor...as great as my doctors have been!

One of the nurses said that in his 20 years of nursing he had never seen anyone with a wound as bad as mine heal as quickly as mine did. I know that was a direct result of God's gracious healing and your faithful prayers! Thank you, thank you, thank you!

Ron and I had some amazing opportunities to talk about the Lord, to pray for people and generally be a blessing when ever we could during my time in hyperbaric treatement. We were told that our lives showed that it really helps to "have someone bigger than you looking out for you" and that prayer really makes a difference. That was very encouraging. The doctors and nurses in hyperbaric were just great, we got to be very close. I will miss them.

Hyperbaric oxygen treatment is really an outstanding treatment in helping wounds to heal. I am one of many who were helped during my time there. Hyperbaric treatment is helping to save many cancer patients, diabetic patients and others from having surgery or even loosing a toe or even a foot. I had no idea it was such a powerful help in healing wounds. I highly recommend it!

Heading Down to LA

2009-08-13T15:35:00.000-07:00

I am just posting a quick update as I head out of town for a few days. I am heading down to LA to help a friend move...yes, I am feeling well enough to travel and help someone else...it is a new day!!

I also wanted to let you know that I was released from the wound care clinic a week ago. My wound has been pronounced healed! I still have 12 more hyperbaric treatments to complete out of 40, but I am well on my way to being done!!

I am literally heading out the door so I will keep this short, but I wanted you to know that I am doing so much better. Thank you for all of your faithful prayers, I know I am doing this well because of your partnership in my healing process through prayer. The Lord is kind and He is faithful...always!

I'm riding my bike again

2009-07-25T22:06:00.001-07:00

I got to go ride my bike with Karyn today. It was so much fun! It has been my heart's desire and prayer to be able to hike and ride my bike again. Having been sick for almost 2 years, it has taken a lot of hard work and many, many baby steps to get back to being in good enough shape to do what I had taken for granted before. I still have a long way to go, but I am getting there!

After my double mastectomy and removal of 18 lymph nodes on my right side last summer, I could only do 4 crunches when I was given the go ahead to begin slowly exercising. During chemo, there were days that it was all I could do to get to the bathroom, forget about the crunches. Radiation was a rough ride for me and having this radiation necrosis put a further hitch in my get-a-long, but I've been cleared again to exercises and have been steadily working on it. Little by little, taking many baby steps along the way, I am really making progress. I am up to 60 crunches, I am using light hand weights to work my arms. It amazes me how much muscle mass I lost during chemo and being sick for two years. I work on it almost every day though and I am slowly seeing improvement. This process has taught me to rejoice in the little accomplishments of life, it helps me to be patient.

I hope in a couple of weeks that I can go kayaking. As soon as the radiation wound heals completely and there is no longer risk of infection, I plan to be out on the lake paddling. I can hardly wait!

I am still going to hyperbaric treatment. They think I still need around 20 more treatments. We shall see. The healing is really making progress. The wound was originally over 6 cm by 5. 8 cm. Now it is down to 2cm by 1cm!! I am very encouraged. Thank you for all of your prayers, God is answering in amazing ways.

this time, no news was good news!

2009-07-25T21:41:00.000-07:00

Sorry it has been so long since I've posted. I actually got to go on vacation! I went with my friend, Karen, to Tahoe for several days. We had a blast and I was so very encouraged by the endurance I had while hiking around. It was amazing.

I had to wear a lymphedema sleeve and glove the entire time I was up in the altitude, which was a little annoying, but well worth it. I didn't have any problems with swelling. They had me put it on in Auburn and then I took it off when I got back down to Auburn. I felt a little self conscious at first but within a few hours I just forgot about it for the most part.

The sleeve and glove are expensive, over $200. I only have one of each, so for going down to the beach with the dog and when I can kayak (hopefully in a couple of weeks) I bought the kind of sleeve that cyclists wear with their short sleeve shirts when it is cold. I got a tight one, one that feels about as tight as my lymphedema sleeve. I also bought kayak gloves that are tight like the lymphedema glove and put those on when I was going to get wet or dirty. It worked out great for me...if you are a cancer patient, I would check it out with your doctor before trying this idea. I still wore the real deal most of the time, but the two cycling sleeves were about $30 and the kayak gloves about $20, so they were much cheaper and easier to wash.

I was able to hike for a couple of miles, which was both fun and so encouraging. I worked so hard during cancer treatment to try and keep up my strength. My motto has been, "do what I can when I can." So if I could only walk across the house, I'd do that. When I could walk to the end of the porch, I'd do that and be happy that at least I could do something. After that , I got to where I could walk to the mail box, then to the end of the street. Ron and my girls have been walking with me as I have been slowly increasing the distance I could walk. It has apparently really paid off as I was able to hike up in the mountains. As I walked in the beauty of God's amazing creation, I thanked Him for seeing me through those very difficult months of treatment, I was thankful for you for your faithful prayers each step of the way, and I was thankful to be alive to enjoy such beauty again. God is good and I am so thankful.

Passed my one year mark!

2009-07-02T17:20:00.001-07:00

On June 19, 2008, I was diagnosed with breast cancer. Just over a year later, I am thrilled to be able to say that I am cancer free. I want to thank the Lord for His faithfulness to me through this very difficult journey. His presence has held me and sustained me through some of the darkest and most difficult days of my life. He has been and continues to be faithful. I still have a ways to go with treatment, but it is so encouraging to look back at all that has been completed and accomplished.

I also want to thank each of you! You have been a constant source of prayer and encouragement to me throughout this journey and I am so very, very grateful to you and for you! I could not be where I am today without your help and partnership. You are awesome!!

with a heart overflowing with love and gratitude,
Leslyn

Finished another week of hyperbaric treatment

2009-07-02T16:47:00.000-07:00

Just got home from hyperbaric treatment. Last week, after finding out I had a fever, I went and saw my doctor. He discovered that I still had a sinus infection and put me on another round of antibiotics. That seemed to take care of the infection. Today, I finished up another week in the chamber and I am feeling fine.

Just in case you've been wondering, here are a few little known facts about hyperbaric treatment:
- At 33 feet of pressure or 2 atmospheres, it is really hard to whistle
- After being at 2 atmospheres of pressure for 2.5 hours, you get really, REALLY hungry!
- Joints pop very loudly at 2 atmospheres of pressure.
In case any of that comes up on Jeopardy, you'll be set!

I get to take a few days off from treatment and I am so excited. They are closed over 4th of July weekend. Being in that very small tube day after day gets to me after awhile. It is definitely making a difference though! The wound continues to get smaller and is completely scabbed over, which is pretty amazing. I have had an open wound since the early part of April! The doctors are all encouraged. I asked the wound specialist if he thought I needed to continue with hyperbaric since the scab had formed and he said very clearly that he thought it was necessary. He said more directly than ever before that I had "severe radiation necrosis" and that I needed to keep up hyperbaric treatment until it was completely healed. So that is what I will do!

Thank you for praying for me. I can tell that this week I have had an increase of grace to be in the chamber. I am a far cry from enjoying it, but at least I don't feel so frustrated while I am burning up half a day, 5 days a week. God's grace is enough!

Hope all of you in America have a wonderful 4th of July! God bless our nation!!

Got the boot from hyperbaric treatment today

2009-06-22T16:05:00.000-07:00

Well, I'm not sure what is going on at the moment. I went to my hyperbaric treatment today, they checked my vital signs like they always do and found out that I had a fever of 101 degrees. I knew I felt kind of weird today and thought it was hot, but didn't realize it was me! I think it might be that my sinus infection did not clear completely with one round of a Z-pack. I will see my oncologist tomorrow for a scheduled appointment and I guess I'll see what is going on then. I'll keep you posted. Please pray for healing! Thanks!!!

On the amazing side, I got to go to our church, Lighthouse Regional Church, yesterday for the first time in a year. It was WONDERFUL!!! I LOVED getting to see everyone, I was overwhelmed by everyone's love and care. There were many tears of joy. The worship was heavenly, the teaching was wonderful and we had a couple who were visiting that were very prophetic and encouraging. We got to pray over a dear and precious couple who are moving to So Cal and send them out from our fellowship. We will miss them deeply. All in all it was a fantastic day. The Lord blessed me more than I could have asked or even imagined.

A Great Verse

2009-06-22T15:59:00.000-07:00

A friend of mine who is valiantly fighting cancer right now shared a verse that was really encouraging to me. I wanted to share it with you!

Now if we are children, then we are heirs—heirs of God and co-heirs with Christ, if indeed we share in His sufferings in order that we may also share in His glory. I consider that our present sufferings are not worth comparing with the glory that will be revealed in us (Rom 8:17-18).

Facets of Humility

2009-06-22T14:48:00.000-07:00

Humility is an interesting issue. I am beginning to realize that a life of humility has facets to it, somewhat like a diamond. As you move a diamond around, light catches on the different facets and a new view of the diamond is possible, nuances and dimensions that were unseen before come into view. Through this cancer fighting journey, I have thought a lot about humility as well as experienced deeper levels of it than ever before.

I really thought that during the time when I had no hair, to say nothing of having no breasts, and still was able to go out in public, smile and look people in the eye, that God had done a pretty deep work of humility in me. I was willing to be known for who I am, even without hair or breasts. That was a really difficult part of my journey emotionally, but I got through it and was content. Then the diamond moved, light caught the facet and another dimension of my life was exposed. My eyebrows and eyelashes fell out. I prayed, gave up my rights to look normal, dug down to my source of value and worth that is not found in my outward appearance but in who I am as a person and who I am especially as a daughter of the Living God. I know that in Jesus I am loved and accepted completely just for who I am. I struggled for several days, prayed, had some weepy moments and then found a new and deeper place of humility and contentment.

So, you might think, like I did, that I had pretty much hit rock bottom in the journey toward humility. I thought that surely light had hit every possible facet of that diamond, but apparently not. It seems so silly in comparison to what I have already gone through but I am having yet another lesson in humility. Perhaps I should call it an opportunity for humility. With these hyperbaric treatments, on the day of treatment, I am not allowed to wear any makeup, I can't wear any hair products, no deodorant or perfume, not even lotion for my skin that has gotten so dry from the treatments. I can use a very mild soap and that is it. (These treatments are 5-6 days a week.) I think I was so ready to get back to normal, now that my hair is growing slowly back and my eyebrows and lashes have returned, that this new set of circumstances took me off guard. I can feel myself settling into being content and comfortable out in public again au natural, but it has been a struggle. I have prayed, felt frustrated and have been a little self conscious out in public, that is usually my barometer so to speak for where I am in the humility department. Do I think about myself when I am out in public, am I wondering what other people think of me, am I consciously aware of my appereance when I look at someone, can I look people in the eye and smile at them to bring them joy and encouragement or am I thinking about what they will think of me? Those are some of the ways I can practically gauge how free I am in the area of humility. That is the wonderful thing about humility, it frees us from self. It frees us from being self-conscious to that we can be God-conscious. It also frees us to be able to give of ourselves freely to others. So, though these opportunities have been challenging, I really do welcome the light shining on the various facets of my life where I am in need to deeper humility, exposing the nuances and dimensions of which I was previously unaware. This life is a journey, I am grateful that I do not walk alone.

Becoming a Wellsphere Health Blogger

2009-06-16T19:19:00.000-07:00

I have been in conversation with Wellsphere, a network of over 2,000 health writers on the web (including doctors, nurses, healthy living professionals, and expert patients). After reading my blog, I really don't know how they found out about it, they invited me to become one of their health bloggers and awarded me the designation of being a "top health blogger."

I am very excited and grateful for this opportunity. There are approximately 5 million people who visit Wellsphere every month and read the blogs that are posted there. They will take posts from my blog and use them in their entirety in their cancer community forum. Each post of mine that they use will have a link back to my blog. Amazingly, it takes no additional work from me. I see this as an opportunity to encourage others who are fighting cancer and hope that my life and honesty will show many the love, hope and help that is found in Jesus. I also hope that the power of prayer and a loving, praying community will encourage many.

If you'd like to find out more about Wellsphere you can go to: http://www.wellsphere.com
It is free to sign up and there is an outstanding wealth of information on living in health. It is really a pretty cool website. I checked with my doctors before giving my consent to be part of this website and they have only heard good things about it. I hope you find it helpful!

Making lemonade out of lemons

2009-06-15T21:51:00.001-07:00

In the spirit of making lemonade out of lemons, Ron and I decided to head up to Bodega Bay and spend several days at the beach. Since my sinus infection and bulging eardrums are keeping me from receiving hyperbaric treatments for my radiation wound (see previous post below), we thought we would just make the best of it and enjoy ourselves.

Someone asked me if I was worried about the effect that not being able to have hyperbaric treatments would have on my wound. My answer was, "No, not in the least." They then said, "Do you think you should ask your doctor what might happen since you can't have your treatments?" My answer was simply, "No." I am aggressively pursuing every possible treatment option that will help to give me the best possible prognosis in my fight against breast cancer, so I am not into denial nor am I advocating it. However, one thing I have learned through this process that seems very elementary and yet profound is that you can't change what you can't change and so there is no sense wasting one moment of life worrying about it. Worrying about what I cannot change only makes me miserable. Worry changes nothing. Each moment I worry is a moment of joy that I have lost. It is not worth it. The Bible has much to say about worry and none of it is good. One of my life sayings is, "Why worry when you can pray!" I would rather pray, which can and does change things, and trust in my loving Jesus who has my life securely in His hand than spend my energy with worry that changes nothing.

So in that spirit, we are enjoying the beauty of the Pacific Ocean, yummy seafood and fresh salt air. When my ears clear, I will return to hyperbaric treatments and will be all the more refreshed and rested for having enjoyed this time rather than worrying about it! God knows what He is talking about when He tells us not to worry! I am grateful!!

Twitter

2009-06-15T21:48:00.000-07:00

Well, I decided to try Twitter. If you are into Twitter and would like to follow my tweets my address is: http://twitter.com/LeslynMusch

Sinus infection and bulging ear drums

2009-06-15T21:36:00.000-07:00

I have not been able to have hyperbaric treatment over the past couple of weeks. The congestion I mentioned in one of my last updates developed into a sinus infection and my ear drums were bulging according to my nurse practitioner. It was a very good thing that I had not gone in for hyperbaric treatment as it could have caused my ear drums to burst. So, once again, God was gracious in helping me to be sensitive to my body and following through on what I felt was the right thing to do. My oncologist's office got me in right away when I called, they are so great. They started me that day on antibiotics. If you are counting, that means I am now taking two antibiotics at the same time (one for the staph infection in my radiation wound and one for this sinus infection). Please pray for my intestines...you can only imagine what double antibiotics can do to intestinal health! I am using probiotics and eating live culture yogurt, which is helping some, but I would still be very grateful for your prayers. Thank you!!
PS. I am still taking Vicodin at night for the pain from the wound, but it continues to get better little by little. I am grateful for progress in any form!

I colored my hair

2009-06-07T17:12:00.000-07:00

Yes, I broke down and had my hair colored. In some ways I really liked the gray hair, but as it got longer, I just didn't feel ready to be that gray. I guess for me, I didn't feel like my outside looked like my inside felt. Don't know if that makes sense or not, but like I said, I just didn't feel ready to be that gray. As my grandma used to say, "If the barn needs paintin', paint it!" So I did.

The funny thing was that after I colored it, back to the brown my hair had been before chemo, I sort of missed the gray hair. I like that color with my blue eyes. At least now, when I feel ready to go gray, I will know that I like that too. So it is all good. Smile.
[pictures to follow as soon as one of my girls can take some for me]

Hyperbaric treatment humming along

2009-06-07T16:45:00.000-07:00

Well, I am now a couple of weeks into hyperbaric treatment and it has been more time consuming than I first imagined. When you factor in driving time and traffic, it takes close to 4 hours a day, 6 days a week. That coupled with still having weekly Herceptin infusions and various and sundry doctor appointments, my days have been very full. I am still pretty fatigued and sleep a lot but a few days ago I did feel a shift. I could tell that the fatigue from radiation and chemo seemed to step down a notch, not a lot but I will happily take anything I can get!

Thank you for praying for healing for the wound. It started out at just over 3 inches square-ish. The top part where the wound was not so deep has already begun to show clear signs of healing. There is about a 1/4 inch of new, healthy pink skin around the edge of the wound. The doctors are all very encouraged by that and say that part is moving forward ahead of schedule. The area that is really deep where the skin and muscle had died still looks about the same, but that was expected at this point. The pain has also gotten better. I am no longer taking Vicodin during the day, I am able to push the pain to the back of my mind, so to speak, during the day. At night though, when there is nothing to distract my mind, I find the pain keeps me awake, so I am still taking one pill at night to help me sleep. That is a vast improvement over the pain level just two weeks ago.

One thing that has come up in the past two days that is a problem is that I am feeling very congested and there is pressure on my ears. There is also a lymph node that is just at the base of my left ear at the juncture of my jaw that is swollen and very sore. I missed a couple of hyperbaric treatments because of this. I really need it to heal quickly so that I can resume treatment as soon as possible. Because there is so much pressure in the chamber, they can't treat me if I am congested or there is any problem with my ears. They don't want an eardrum to burst. So if you would please pray, I would be very grateful! Please also pray for patience and grace for me with these treatments. I find being in that chamber for hours and hours and hours every week to be a bit annoying or irritating, I'm not really sure how to describe the feeling, but I need an extra dose of GRACE...that I know for sure. Thank you!!

Started Hyperbaric Treatment Today

2009-05-23T21:28:00.000-07:00

All I can say is you all are amazing. I was really fighting discouragement and fear and I woke up today with the deepest sense of peace and trust. I feel a little like I am floating, I know your prayers are lifting me above the challenging circumstances that I am facing right now. Thank you a hundred times over!

So the story continues...

Yesterday, (Friday) I did get to see a plastic surgeon (my plastic surgeon who has been working with me on my breast reconstruction has been out of town). It was a very, very long day and I will not go into in all of the details, but suffice it to say that he was eventually able to successfully remove about half of the fluid in my left expander. Removing the fluid took the pressure off of the blood vessels that supply circulation to the wound. That in itself should help the healing process. He said there is very little tissue covering the expander on the wound site and that I had been in danger of having the expander break through the tissue. Thank the Lord we got that fluid out and the pressure off before that happened. I can't even imagine how much that would have hurt. It would also have required immediate surgery, so praise the Lord!

Today, I went in to see a doctor of Hyperbaric medicine (see wikipedia for a pretty good explanation and a picture of a chamber that looks like the one that I use: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Hyperbaric_medicine

I really liked the doctor and all of the techs that were working. Ron and I thought that we would just see the Dr. and then IF he decided I needed treatment, we would get a treatment on the calendar. Well, the doctor saw me today and decided to begin treatment immediately. So, I had my first treatment today, I have my second one tomorrow. Yep, they treat on Sundays!

The treatment plan will run about 2 hours a day in the chamber, 6 days a week (I'll usually have Sundays off) and I will need between 40 and 60 treatments! That was a little sobering. Yes, the wound is really bad.

I felt such amazing peace throughout the treatment. When I finished, the doctor said almost no one does as well as I did on their first treatment. The treatment feels similar to the pressure one feels when scuba diving to about 33 feet. The pressure builds up in the ears and they have to be cleared over and over until the proper pressure is reached. By God's grace, I did so well that when I finished the doctor shook my hand and said, "Welcome to the United States Navy!" I think he feels I am ready to be a navy diver! It was funny. One of these times I am going to walk in wearing my diving mask and snorkel just to make them laugh.

My plastic surgeon called me at home tonight; he just got back from his vacation. He is going to see me in his office tomorrow! He wants to see the wound himself and make sure everything is okay with my expander. (I have amazing doctors. Who hears of a doctor willing to come into his office on a Sunday during his vacation AND on a three day weekend!! God's favor is amazing.) I will see him and then go directly over to the hospital for my hyperbaric treatment #2 of 40-60. This is going to be a bit of a long haul.

Here is a final piece of good news. The hyperbaric Dr. told Ron and me that studies show that patients who receive hyperbaric treatment after radiation typically do not have any lasting negative effects in their bodies from radiation treatment. Apparently, the cells that are damaged during radiation are restored and repaired during hyperbaric treatment. The significant increase in oxygen causes new blood supplies to appear, enables the cells to repair the damage that radiation does to the walls of blood vessels and stimulates stem cell growth in the bone marrow, just to name a few benefits. All kinds of things in the body heal as the cells are restored, even the immune system is regenerated. So, I was thinking, as I listened to the doctor, that perhaps this is God truly working ALL things together for good. Without the burn, I wouldn't have been able to have hyperbaric treatment. Through this treatment I am believing that God is going to restore all that was damaged during radiation as well as whatever else needs to be restored in my body, even my immune system. God is amazing! So while on one hand, 40-60 treatments is a bit daunting, but on the other hand, I am focusing on the blessing that this treatment will be in the long run.

One more thing, the name emblazoned on the outside of the hyperbaric chamber is "SECHRIST" over the top of a world map! At first glance, it looked like "see christ" over the nations of the world. It was really encouraging to both Ron and me.

Thank you so much for rallying around me in prayer. I can totally feel it!! with a grateful heart, Leslyn

I really need your prayer or A Tale of Woe

2009-05-21T18:45:00.000-07:00

Lots has happened since my last post. The good thing is, I didn't end up getting sick, just didn't feel great for a couple of days but it did not develop into anything. That was an answer to prayer!

On Friday, I noticed my burn wound began to look weird and smell kind of funky (I think that is a medical term...lol) so I called the doctor and they couldn't see me until Monday. I spent the weekend soaking the wound in domeboro solution and saw Kathleen on Monday. She didn't like the way the wound looked either and started me on antibiotics.

Today, I went in for my Herceptin infusion and asked to see Kathleen again because everyone in my house agreed that the wound looked worse this morning. She got me in right away and again she agreed and was worried about the area I was worried about. A section had gotten deeper and was looking a weird color, somewhere between green and black. She put me on a stronger antibiotic and sent me to the wound care center. The Lord was gracious and I was able to get in there today even though they were booked solid until June! Thank you Lord!

I got to see a great doctor who specializes in wound care. It was a bit of a nightmare though. He had to clean the wound with a scalpel! Yes, I was awake, much to my dismay. He scrapped and scrapped to get off who knows what, I wasn't looking. Then he cut into the wound to cut out and clip off the necrotic skin...it was black because the tissue had died. The burn has now gone through all layers of skin and into the muscle...I thought it looked really deep. The blessing and silver lining in this is that the worst of it is where I am still numb from the surgery, so at least the deep cut part I didn't feel. The did numb the area some, but I could still feel it...trust me!

Tomorrow I need to go to a plastic surgeon that I don't know because my plastic surgeon is out of town. He needs to remove about half of the fluid from my left expander, the one that has remained expanded throughout the radiation. The doctor thinks if we get the tension off of the skin there that the wound might heal better.

He is also trying to see if he can get me into a hyperbaric chamber to super infuse my blood stream with oxygen to also help with the healing of the wound. That is major because apparently I will need to go 5 days a week for about 30 days. They are saying it could take weeks or months to heal a wound this bad. So you know a wound is bad when the wound doctor thinks it is.
So that is my tale of woe. I am really fighting being discouraged. I know the Lord is in control and I am putting my trust in Him. Do you remember when I shared awhile back that the Lord had given me a picture of being in the boat with Him in the midst of a huge storm and I was snuggled in with Him, asleep in the back of the boat because if the storm didn't worry Him it didn't worry me. Well, I saw myself in that same picture and I had put my head up and looked over the rail of the boat and saw the huge storm all around, with waves hitting the sides of the boat and splashing over the side and I felt fear. I looked back and saw Jesus still at peace and so, right now, I feel like I am in the place of crawling back to Him to lay back down beside Him. If He is at peace, I too want to be at peace too, so I am praying. Would you please pray too? I feel like I am about at the end of my coping capacity. Thank you for continuing to stand with me, I really need your support in prayer. gratefully, Leslyn

Hit a rough patch

2009-05-14T19:24:00.000-07:00

Well, no news was definitely not good news this time. I know it has been a long time since I have updated the blog, my radiation burns got pretty bad. I am finally healed enough that I am not taking copious amounts of Vicodin to be able to deal with the pain. I still have a fair amount of healing to go, but I am finally improving. (I spent about three days crying from the pain and then Kathleen, my nurse practitioner, gave me "the lecture" as she calls it about taking enough medication to keep the pain under control. I did much better after increasing my pain meds.)

The radiation continued to express itself in my skin for some time after my last post. I felt a little like I was on some sort of Sci-Fi horror movie as my skin was sort of melting off in globs in the areas where I received the intensive bolus treatment. The area was pretty large. It started at my sternum or breast bone and extended horizontally across my left breast, under the arm and around the back a couple of inches. Vertically, it started just below my collar bone down to about an inch or two below my breast. The area under my arm was incredibly painful, but has healed very well, it is just red and feels like a sunburn now. The area that is still pretty bad is right on the front of my left breast. It is an area about 3 to 4 inches by 3 to 4 inches. Hannah and I agreed it looks a little like the Grand Canyon. The whole thing is still raw and oozing with two very deep pockets. It seems to be healing very slowly. The deep areas are right in the spot where some of the skin had died after my double mastectomy. I think the skin that grew back must have still been pretty delicate and so burned more than the rest. At least that is my best guess as to why that area is so bad.

[For those of you with cancer who are reading and still have to go through radiation, the good news is that most people don't burn this badly. It is very likely that you won't experience what I have...I pray that is true for you! I am putting a couple of ointments on the burned areas that seem to be helping. Biafine seems to help the most. Just having the burn open to the air is also very helpful.]

Thank you for your prayers. I have so needed them and know that I got through this rough patch, as my Dad used to say, because you were carrying me in prayer. I am very, very thankful for you!! I have heard from several of you that the Lord had really put me on your heart over the past couple of weeks. Thank you for your faithfulness to respond to His leading by increasing your prayer coverage over me. You are amazing!

Please continue to pray for the area that is still so burned. It hurts and I will be very glad when it is healed. Also, today I have started feeling like I am coming down with something. It has gotten worse as the day has progressed. I am achy, have a headache, swollen glands and am a little stuffy. Please pray for complete and swift healing! Thank you so much!! lovingly, Leslyn

Having a hard day

2009-04-27T17:00:00.000-07:00

I will keep this short, but wanted to ask for specific prayer. The burning has gotten worse and is so very painful that I am feeling overwhelmed by it all today. I am not sleeping well, and I know that effects my ability to handle the pain emotionally. Please pray that I can sleep, please pray that the pain supernaturally is lifted and for swift and miraculous healing for the skin. I won't even go into how gross the burn is, but it is bad, much worse than I imagined it could get. I really need your extra support in prayer, it makes all the difference. Thank you.

Friday, April 24th was the last day of radiation

2009-04-27T16:43:00.000-07:00

Good news! I was able to complete my radiation treatment on Friday!! Ron was going to take me, but needed to take Hannah to the doctor to get some antibiotics for a bacterial infection she developed, so Linda D. was kind enough to take me to my appointment. Thanks Linda!

I was able to take flowers in for my doctor and the amazing techs who have been so kind to me over the past six weeks. I feel like they are helping to save my life so the least I could do was give them flowers. They've been so nice and so kind. They are so funny, they call me "Jamie Lee" because they all think I look like Jamie Lee Curtis, and they call Ron "hallway man" because he often spent the time he was waiting for me to have my treatment out in the hallway making calls for our church, Lighthouse.

I am so grateful to be finished with treatment and so grateful to you for praying me through it all! They said that the burning, which is considerable, would get worse before it gets better. It is hard to imagine that because the burning is pretty bad already. They said it would take a couple of weeks before the healing begins. Radiation has a cumulative effect, so the burn I am experiencing today is from radiation they gave me a few weeks ago. I have a couple more weeks of radiation in me that still needs to works its way out.

Thank you for your continued prayer as I begin the healing phase. Love to you! Leslyn

Really, really burned

2009-04-20T18:58:00.000-07:00

On Thursday my skin was so burned that the doctor wanted me to skip Friday's radiation treatment, which turned out to be a very good thing! By Saturday night my skin had blistered up pretty badly, on Sunday morning I woke up and my shirt was stuck to the skin. Before I realized what was actually going on, I pulled my shirt away from my chest and my skin tore off...oh my goodness did that hurt!!!! So I cried a lot on Sunday from the pain, I can't imagine what it would have been like if I had been treated on Friday. A dear friend reminded me that there is a Person who also had His skin torn off and that she knew He could help and bring healing...I so appreciate how Jesus intimately understands all that we suffer.

I went in to see the radiation oncologist this morning (thank you Jennifer for the ride!). My doctor wanted to see me before treatment to decide if they needed to delay treatment again. I am so burned that she wanted me to take today and tomorrow off. I will go in and see her on Wednesday to decide if they can treat me then. If so, I will have radiation on Wednesday, Thursday and Friday and then I'll be finished. I am hoping that works. I would love to have this behind me.

Thank you for continuing to pray for healing and supernatural restoration of my skin, it hurts really badly.

My hair is growing again!

2009-04-17T21:38:00.001-07:00

I asked Hannah to take some pictures of me so that you could see my hair. It is finally growing in again. It is still really short and it has come in grayer than I expected but it is mine!! As my friend Mary L says, "any day with hair is a good hair day!"

I still haven't decided if I am going to color it or just leave it gray. I think I will wait and see how it looks when it gets longer. I have been told that I am not supposed to color it or use a curling iron on it (not that there is enough to curl anyway!) for awhile. I guess that the hair is so new and fine that it damages it too much. It feels like baby hair. You can see that my eye lashes and brows have grown in too! It is all very exciting!! I have never enjoyed having hair so much in my life.

I included a picture of my sweet dog, Charley, because he has been my constant companion throughout my illness. He is never far away and has been so patient and sweet during my long and many days of bed rest and being house bound. He has been such a blessing from the Lord.

Thanks for your many prayers! My head of hair is a clear sign of the healing that is happening in my body and the recovery that is taking place after the chemotherapy.

Down to three more treatments...

2009-04-17T21:20:00.000-07:00

Today is Friday and I got to have the day off from radiation treatment, I may have Monday off too. This week my skin suddenly got very burned. I thought it was burned before, but apparently, I was mistaken! Oh my, I had no idea. The texture of some of the skin is sort of crispy like the seaweed paper that they use for sushi...tasty on sushi, not so good for skin texture!! There are some blisters, some open sores, some crispy bits and skin so red it almost looks purple. Most of all it is sore!!!!! I have actually had to start taking codeine for the pain, especially so I can sleep. Even having cotton against my skin hurts. The good news is that I only have three more treatments, so I am almost finished. The doc is hoping that taking a few days off in a row will allow my skin to heal enough to finish up the remaining three treatments.

They stopped doing the bolus treatments to the skin on Thursday. (A bolus is a way that they deliver an extra strong dose of radiation to, in my case, the skin to make sure they kill off any possible cancer cells that might be lurking there. Judging by my skin, it worked. They've been using that technique from the beginning on me.) They won't do any more bolus treatments, just "regular" radiation for the remaining three treatments.

Please pray for supernatural healing over the next few days so that they can complete my course of treatment. It is important to do all that we can to keep the cancer from having a chance to come back. Please pray for me especially at night. I have been having a hard time sleeping because of the pain as well as having to sleep on my back. I am not a back sleeper but that is the only place that doesn't hurt. Thank you!! I so appreciate you!!

Tomorrow I'll be 2/3 through with radiation!!

2009-04-06T15:12:00.000-07:00

My how time flies when your having...oh wait, that idiom doesn't quite fit, but time is flying!! I am encouraged that I have made it this far and am not as tired as I expected to be at this point. I am still in need of naps, but radiation is much better than chemo.

My skin in the radiation field is getting more painful and I am developing some open sores. Ouch. I am also having some complications with lymphedema and am going back to the lymphedema clinic tomorrow (Tues, April 7). My left arm, the side that is getting radiated, is very sore and the tendons or lymph channels or something is getting really tight. Every morning I have to go through painful stretching exercises just to be able to straighten my arm all the way. It hurts a lot. On my right side, the side I didn't think I'd have any problems with, has developed some significant swelling under my arm. They ruled out blood clots and cancer, which was good! Now they think it is lymphedema, though I did not have any lymph nodes removed from that side. Apparently, when they do a mastectomy, it can disrupt the lymph system and cause problems. A temperamental little system apparently!! So I should find out more after they evaluate me tomorrow.

I would really appreciate your prayer that my burned skin would heal, especially the open sores. Please pray for a release in my left arm, that the tendons or lymph channels or whatever is causing the problem would be healed and relax so the pain would stop and I can have full use of my arm. Please also pray for whatever is causing the swelling in my right arm to be healed as well. It sort of feels like I am carrying a clutch purse under my arm, but of course there is nothing there but swollen tissue...it feels weird but at least that side doesn't hurt.

Thank you for continuing on this journey of faith with me! You are a great traveling partner!!

1/3 through with radiation!

2009-03-29T18:15:00.000-07:00

I've hit the 1/3 mark on the count down of my radiation treatments. On one hand, going to radiation everyday is tiring, but on the other hand, it makes it seem like it is going quickly. I guess it is sort of like when the day is really busy at work, the day seems to go by faster.

My skin is beginning to look burned and is starting to hurt, but it is still tolerable. I really wanted to thank you for praying. I have had such tremendous faith that God is really protecting my heart and lung during radiation. I can really sense a shield of faith keeping me protected.

Thankful for you!!

Please pray for protection over my heart and left lung

2009-03-19T19:30:00.000-07:00

I found out this week that a small part of my heart and two places in my left lung are getting some of the radiation each time I get my treatment. The doctor showed me the graphs, charts and CT scans to explain what part of my lung and heart where getting the radiation and why it was unavoidable in order to radiate the areas where the cancer was in my breast and lymph node and where they think it is most likely to recur. They have done everything they could to avoid as much of the lung and heart as possible. So, my prayer request is for protection and as Mary L said, "shielding" of my heart and lung from the adverse and damaging effects of the radiation. I REALLY do not want any long term damage done to these organs!

I am also writing to ask for prayer for strength. By the end of my first week, which was Wednesday, I was already beginning to feel increased fatigue...I still have five weeks left to go. I am getting what is considered a high dose of radiation, and they warned me that I will probably start feeling burning in my skin soon. Please join me in asking the Lord to minimize the side effects.

Throughout the time they are radiating me I pray for protection and healing of my healthy cells and that any cancer cells that might still be lingering would be killed. Would you please join me daily in that prayer. Thank you so much!! Your prayers made such a difference for me emotionally last week, thank you so much for your precious prayers that are making a very real and tangible difference in my life!

One week down, five to go!

2009-03-19T19:19:00.000-07:00

It seems amazing to me that I have competed one week of radiation already. Your prayers really made a big difference with my emotions. I walked in supernatural peace throughout the week, have already had a chance to connect with a couple of the lab workers, and have begun to share a little about what the Lord has done in my life with workers and other patients. The people I have met have been really sweet and very kind.

This week was called, "daffodil days" sponsored by the American Cancer Society. They provided daffodils for all of the radiation patients. One of the lab workers who I am getting to know gave me an extra bouquet, "just because," which was really sweet. The Cancer Society does this to let cancer patients know they are not alone in the fight and to give the phone numbers and web info of their 24 hour help lines. I was really touched by their kindness and thoughtfulness. I could see that other patients were touched by the flowers too. Very sweet.

Starting Radiation Today

2009-03-12T10:39:00.000-07:00

I have my first radiation treatment today at 4:30PM. I've already had several pre-radiation appointments where they made sure that all of the angles and calculations were correct, I've had two CT scans and three small tattooes and will get one more today. As they say, I'm all tatted up!

So today it begins. I will be going in for radiotherapy every weekday for the next 6 weeks. Everyone tells me that radiation is much easier than chemo, which is good, but for some reason I am feeling pretty apprehensive about the whole thing. I know logically that this should be easier, but emotionally I am feeling pretty stressed about it. I would really appreciate your prayers for peace over my emotions. I know some of the apprehension comes from association, both my parents had to have radiation treatments, so I think it brings back memories of them going though difficult times. I am praying through all of that, but I have not experienced a breakthrough emotionally yet. I am still moving forward regardless of how I feel, of course, but I thought I would let you know and ask for your prayers. I know that I need God's grace, strength, mercy and peace.

Thank you again for standing with me and for all of the encouraging words that you send to me. May God richly and deeply bless you! Leslyn

A hard week, but full of blessings

2009-03-01T10:34:00.002-08:00

Last week was a tough one, but the Lord had placed blessings there for me in the midst of it. He is really thoughtful that way...smile.

As you know, since last September 08 I have been undergoing the process of reconstructing the breasts that were removed during my double mastectomy for cancer. That process of slowly filling the expanders that create a space between my ribs and the muscle and skin of my chest wall has been longer and more painful than I had anticipated. Just two weeks ago I had my final expansion, which meant, I thought, that I would not have to have anymore poking of needles or stretching of muscles and that the next step would be the eventual surgery to place the permanent implants. This was to happen sometime in July after I healed from radiation. Ah but there were some bumps in the road that I had not anticipated...

I found out from the radiation oncologist that they would have to drain much of the fluid from my right "breast" in order achieve the correct angle as they radiate the left side of my chest where the cancer was. Apparently, they don't want to radiate the skin and muscle on the right side because it doesn't need it. They also have to come in over the right side and radiate the left side at the shallowest possible angle in order NOT to radiate my left lung and heart, which I appreciate. What I was not expecting was to have to go back in, have another needle placed in my right breast and have most of the fluid removed after working so very hard to get it to the point of being fully expanded.

So, on Tuesday I had the fluid removed and on Thursday afternoon I went in for what they call "radiation mapping." They marked up the area they are planning to radiate with a permanent marker, ran me through a CT machine and took pictures of my chest and neck where they are planning to do radiation therapy. Then the technician said the doctor wanted to talk to me. I thought, "Uh oh." The doctor had me come out and look at the computer screen with my CT scan on it and showed me that the little bit of fluid the doctor had left in my right breast was still too much and ALL of the fluid would need to be removed, otherwise too much of my lung and heart would be hit by radiation. When the doctor originally told me about this whole draining thing, I cried off and on for two days feeling like I was having to loose my breast all over again, but by this time I was feeling fairly resigned to the idea.

Ron and I left the radiation lab and went across the street to my plastic surgeon just to make an appointment to have the rest of the fluid drained. Thankfully, and for the first time, his office was completely empty and he was able to drain the fluid right then and there, which was so nice of him and his receptionist to do for me. I saw that as the kindness and provision of the Lord. I realize now why the doctor had left some fluid in the first time. Taking all of the fluid out is very disfiguring, I will spare you the description but take my word for it, it is not attractive. That has been hard for me. I will be like this for about 9-10 weeks or more until the radiation is over and I have recovered enough to begin the process of expanding the right side again.

I will go back in on Tuesday, March 3 and they will do the mapping all over again: marking me up with a permanent marker and doing the CT scan again. After that, they will cover some of the important marks with tape, which I will wear until I come back in to begin radiation therapy in about a week to a week and a half. At that point they will tweek their measurements and then tattoo small marks permanently on my chest. The doctor assured me they would be small marks like freckles and I said, "Oh gosh, I was hoping for Tinker Bell." She laughed and yes, I was just joking. These marks outline the field of radiation so that any radiation oncologist who ever looks at me will know exactly which areas have been radiated.

So all of that was a setback we had not been prepared for and it sort of took the wind out of our sails. Ron has been great through it all, he brought me flowers and tells me daily how beautiful I am to him...I could not ask for a more loving and supportive husband.

The blessings the Lord provided during this hard week were my two dear friends, Mary and Beth, who flew in from Texas and Tennessee to be with me this week while Mary did some meetings for our church and for Aglow. They were such a blessing to have with me as I navigated these unexpected setbacks. They were also so flexible with my need to sleep a lot this past week as the recovery process from chemo is slow.

I would so appreciate your prayers for me on Tuesday, March 3 as I go in for the radiation mapping do-over.
**Please pray that they are able to get the most shallow possible angle of radiation so that they get all of the skin, muscle and bone that needs to be radiated but that they miss as much as possible of my lung and miss all of my heart.
**Please pray for protection over any lung tissue that does get radiation that God would protect it and keep it healthy.
**Radiation generally kills all cells that it hits whether healthy cells or cancer cells. It causes lots of scar tissue to form and so please pray that there is minimal scaring and burning of the muscle and skin on my chest a neck area where they will be radiating. The neck area is being radiated because the cancer had gone into my lymph nodes and they want to hit the nodes in my neck with radiation in case any cancer cells are hiding there.
**Please pray for me emotionally as I have to live with a very disfigured "breast" for the next month and a half or so.

I will post the radiation schedule as soon as I have it. Bless you and thank you so much for praying!!

You carried me in prayer over the finish line!!

2009-02-20T16:48:00.000-08:00

Dear friends, oh how thankful I am for you!!!!!!! I am finally recovering from that last chemo treatment, it was a doosey!! I did pretty well for the first 24 hours after chemo, thanks in part to the steroids they give me with my chemo treatment. When the steroids wear off though...hold on cause the ride begins to plummet, as it did for me by Friday night after chemo on Thursday. Saturday, I was scary weak, all I did was fade in and out of sleep. That lasted really through Monday and then I started getting a bit stronger. Today is Friday, a week later, and I am actually starting to feel better. I was even able to drive Hannah over to a friend's house yesterday, it has been a long while since I've driven anywhere.

I cannot begin to tell you how wonderful it is to know that I don't have to go in for chemo next week. It is an amazing feeling.

I want you to know that your prayers truly carried me over the chemo finish line. I do not believe I would have made it without your support. The fact that I was able to complete all 12 chemo treatments on time is nothing short of a miracle. I was so weak when I began chemo due to having been sick for the whole prior year, that I marvel at God's faithfulness to keep me strong enough to complete the course of treatment. He is faithful and you have been steadfast in your prayer and support and I am so very grateful to you and for you. with much love!! Leslyn

I had my LAST chemo treatment today, 2/12

2009-02-12T18:21:00.000-08:00

I will keep this short because I am not feeling well at all, but I had my LAST chemo treatment today!! The nurses and doctors at Contra Costa Oncology even gave me a graduation certificate celebrating my last treatment. They all signed it...very sweet and thoughtful.

The chemo is hitting me pretty hard already and probably will for the next 4-5 days, so I would very much appreciate your prayer. But I just had to share the joy with you of actually getting through this 6 month journey through chemo, and being able to get all of my infusions on schedule! You have been a VITAL part of my journey, I truly could not have done this without you. Thank you, thank you, thank you. God answers prayer and is faithful, that truth means so much more to me today than every before.

I will update you with new info regarding radiation and what is coming next as soon as I feel better, until then, God bless you beyond all that you could ask for or even imagine.

My hair is growing and so are my eye brows and lashes!

2009-02-03T19:45:00.000-08:00

I have to say, I think God is moving here in a visible way. I just wrote, not too many days ago, that my eye lashes and eye brows all fell out. Well, I already have tiny little eye lashes growing back in on both upper and lower lids! There are a lot of them too!! My eye brows are also growing in all of a sudden. They are very short but thick. Also, I have hair growing on my head. It is also short but coming in pretty thick and very, very soft. It feels sort of like baby hair.

I still have one more chemo treatment, so I didn't expect my hair to start growing back in until toward the end of February. I am very encouraged and feel really excited about it. It is hard to convey how exciting it is to be getting my own hair growing on my own head!! Thank you for praying, I really believe that this is a direct response to your prayers for me. God is moving!!

Chemo #11 down, only one more to go!!

2009-01-30T11:56:00.000-08:00

I had my eleventh chemo infusion yesterday along with Herceptin and a liter of IV fluids with potassium added. I went back in today and had my Neulasta shot to boost my white blood cells and had another liter of IV fluids with potassium added. That is supposed to help with the residual nausea I have been having for the past two weeks along with the extreme fatigue. I am praying it helps.

I do not feel well at all today, but am trusting that I will get better with these fluids. The consensus is that I will probably not feel better until awhile after my last chemo treatment. I just need to tough it out through the end of my treatment. They said it will probably be 6 months to a year after all of my treatment is finished, including radiation and surgeries that are still ahead of me, before I start to feel like myself again. Everyday, I get closer to that mark.

Thank you again for praying, I couldn't do this without you.
with a grateful heart,
Leslyn

My eyelashes and eyebrows are gone

2009-01-28T14:33:00.000-08:00

The last of my remaining eyelashes fell out last night. I now have no eyebrows or eyelashes, it feels kind of weird I must confess. At any rate, I don't have to spend much time getting ready in the morning...no hair requires no fuss, and no eyebrows and eyelashes require no makeup. This experience has really taken me down to the very basics of who I am. There is a strange sort of freedom that comes with really having to look at who I am aside from looks or body parts. I have never been so grateful to know that I am a daughter of the King, a child of the living God as I am now...no props, nothing to lean on but my identity in my Jesus. That identity supersedes any outward appearance and cuts to the core of my being. I am so grateful.

Round 3 of antibiotics

2009-01-27T14:37:00.000-08:00

I saw Kathleen today and they are starting me on a third round of antibiotics. I thought I had fought off the infections, but found out that I am not through just yet. I don't have much resistance left. The good news is that I will still be able to take chemo on Thursday, though I will admit my body is getting very weak, I am sleeping a lot. They are going to give me some hydration fluids on Thurs and Fri to see if that helps with the nausea that seems to be hanging on between treatments.

I am grateful that the Lord has made me a fighter because the next three weeks are going to be a push to get through to the end of chemo.
I am writing to ask for increased prayer support.
I know you all have been so faithful to pray all along the past 5+ months of chemo, but now at the end I really need as much prayer as possible to sustain me and really to carry me. I don't remember ever feeling so weak physically.

As I said to one of my cousins, I am so grateful that the Lord is my strength and my help in this time of trouble!! Thank you for coming to my aid in prayer.
with an extremely grateful heart for you, Leslyn

We had to put our dog down today, we miss him

2009-01-21T19:56:00.000-08:00

Our fifteen and a half year old dog, Chance, has not been doing very well for the past couple of weeks. His health has really been failing for the past year or so, but recently his health started really taking a turn for the worse. Today, it became very clear that the kindest thing we could do for him would be to put him down. We got to spend a majority of the day with him, holding him and telling him what a good boy he has been. Ron and I took him to the Vet and were with him to the end. I cried and cried.

He has been such a great dog, very loving and very faithful. He was Karyn's dog, so I would really appreciate your prayer for her in particular. She is back down at school already, so I think it will sink in a little more slowly for her. The Lord had prepared Karyn's heart. Before she left, she told me that she thought she would probably not see Chance again, so when Ron called her today to tell her, she was already prepared.

As you can imagine, we are all feeling a little overwhelmed. With all that is already going on and now with Chance's passing, it is just a lot to handle. Those who have been following my blog for awhile may remember that we had to put our 14 year old dog, Chad, down a few months ago, so loosing Chance seemed just that much harder. We are thankful that we still have Charley, he is only 4 years old.

I know some may think, "he is just a dog," but for us, Chance was part of our family. We really love our pets. As you pray for us, would you please pray for comfort, grace and strength? We really need it and your prayers. Thank you so much.

Started a second round of antibiotics

2009-01-21T19:47:00.000-08:00

Well, I have not been able to fight off this cold yet. I started on a second round of antibiotics last night. My lungs are still pretty congested but I have not developed pneumonia, praise the Lord!! Thank you so much for praying, I know your prayers are making a major difference.

I have my Herceptin infusion tomorrow at 9:30 AM. I am not feeling great, but definitely good enough to move forward with my infusion.

Thank you again for coming to my aide in prayer.

The cold has dropped into my lungs

2009-01-18T13:58:00.000-08:00

Friday morning the cold seemed to be getting better. I went in for my Neulasta shot (white blood cell booster) and spent a little time sitting in the sun when I got home. It was a nice day. By evening, the cold had dropped into my lungs and I have been in bed since. I am writing from bed on my lap top. I wanted to get this out to you to ask for specific prayer.

Please pray that this does not turn into pneumonia, my lungs are very congested.
Please pray for my back to remain strong. In the past, my back tends to go out when I am coughing as hard as I am now.
Please pray that I can get into see my doctor tomorrow. I would like someone to listen to my lungs and decide if I need another round of antibiotics or not.
Please pray for grace and strength, between this cold getting so bad and chemotherapy, I am unbelievably tired and worn out. I can tell it would be easy to get discouraged but I am resisting that and trying to remain in His presence.

I wish there was more that I could say than "thank you." I truly lack the words to express how grateful I am that you are continuing to stand with me in prayer through this on-going battle. with a thankful heart, Leslyn

Was able to have chemo #10 on schedule

2009-01-18T13:35:00.000-08:00

Thank you so much for praying! I went early on Thursday to have my blood counts checked because I had a 102 degree fever the night before. They had dropped but were still high enough for me to take the chemotherapy. When the nurse went to ask the doctor if I could have the chemo, I ask her to please tell him, "I really, really, really want to take chemo." I have to keep the long term benefit in mind more than my immediate comfort.

I only have two more chemo treatments to go. The last one will be on Feb. 12, that will be a good day!

The cold has taken hold

2009-01-13T19:30:00.000-08:00

I got hit pretty hard by the cold last night. I thought I was getting through it with just a light cold but then it took a turn for the worse last night. I already had an appointment with the oncologist today so that worked out well. I have a sinus infection and both ears are infected, so I am on antibiotics. My temp. is 101 tonight so it is a good thing I started the antibiotics today!

I will keep this very short because I don't feel well at all, but just wanted to ask that you keep praying for healing.

I have chemo #10 on Thursday. On one hand, I can't imagine having chemo feeling like this, but on the other hand I am glad that they are letting me move forward at this point. I will need to call the office and let them know my temp is 101 tonight, they want anything over 100.5 reported to their office.

Thank you for your steadfast prayer and for continuing to stand with me in this fierce battle.

I am coming down with a cold, please pray!!

2009-01-07T21:57:00.000-08:00

It appears that I am coming down with a cold tonight. Hannah and Karyn have both been sick with colds. Karyn is still sick. My nose started running (funny mental picture...I need to get out more) yesterday and then by this afternoon my throat started hurting down low in my larynx. This evening, I think I may be running a bit of a fever, my head hurts and my sinuses are getting pretty full.

The main issue for me is that I am well enough to get my Herceptin and chemo treatments on schedule. I have mentioned before that the recurrence rate drops by 30% if the chemo is given every two weeks throughout treatment. That benefit is lost when that treatment cycle moves off of that every two week schedule. I know that the Lord is the One who holds my life in His hands and knows the number of my days, so I need not and will not give into fear, but I do want to be diligent to ask for prayer. I know that God is able to heal and so would you go to Him with me and ask for healing of this cold? Please pray for Karyn too, she is supposed to fly back to So Cal on Monday. Thank you so much!! I am grateful for you, Leslyn

Answer to Kathy's Question

2009-01-07T21:09:00.000-08:00

Kathy asked, after being sick and running a fever for so long what happened that made me check for cancer? Good question. Several things happened all around the same time. First, several doctors that I saw said that one of the things that can cause a fever that has no other obvious origin is a malignant tumor. I had a bone marrow biopsy to rule out several cancers that can present with a fever. That very painful test came back negative. (Breast cancer doesn't usually present with a fever, but mine did.)

I have always done my monthly self breast exams and gone for my annual mammograms. I have had several cysts in the past, some that have come and gone with fluctuating hormones during the month, so I was not too surprised when I found a lump while doing a self check. I decided to wait and keep an eye on it to see if it disappeared as my hormones changed that month. Around the same time, I went to a very gifted and highly trained massage therapist in San Francisco because my neck had gone out really badly. He is very intuitive to illness in the body. As he was checking my neck and left arm where I was having some numbness from my neck, the first thing out of his mouth was, "Have you been checked for breast cancer?" (He knew I had been sick for months at that point without a diagnosis.) My first thought was, "I had better go get that lump checked."

Also around this time, and this sounds really bizarre I know, my dog (a mini-doxie and therefore a scent hound) had been sitting on my lap and turned around and sniffed my left breast like there was something under my shirt. He did this on two or three occasions. I thought that was pretty wierd but I had read that sometimes dogs can smell cancer so it got my attention.

I think it was the the day after I came home from the massage therapist in SF, I called my GYN and made an appointment. They were able to get me in immediately. I had prayed and knew when I went into the doctor that I needed to ask to have a mammogram AND an ultrasound to check this lump. The mammogram was completely clear, but it was during the ultrasound that a very careful and thorough tech found the cancer in my left breast. So that was a long answer, but clearly the Lord went out of His way to make clear to me that I needed to get checked for breast cancer. My advice now to women is 1) do your monthly self breast exams, 2) if you suspect there is anything different, go to your doctor and make sure to ask for a mammogram and an ultrasound 3) don't put it off, I know it is scary, but going to your doctor can save your life! I am sure glad I went. Hope that helps.

2009 is here at last

2009-01-03T16:30:00.001-08:00

Don't you just feel that 2009 is going to be a better year? I could hardly wait to start 2009. I've heard from a few others who have felt this way too. I am looking forward to a number of things this year. The first is restored health. I am very much looking forward to getting stronger as the year progresses. Full health may not come until 2010, but I believe I will make great strides in that direction this year. I am looking forward to finishing up chemo next month, Feb. 12 to be precise! I am looking forward to completing radiation, March and April, and having that behind me. There are a couple of surgeries still before me but by the end of the year, these should all be done. So though there are still some hard things to endure on this journey of healing, I can look forward to most of them being behind me by the end of this year.

I also have some very fun things to look forward to this year. Hannah is graduating from High School the end of May. We are really proud of her. My nephew Joe is getting married to his wonderful fiance Jessica in August and Ron and I get to perform the wedding. I am really looking forward to that, and trusting that by then I will be strong enough to participate. I should even have a decent amount of hair for the ceremony! My list of "Things to do when I get well" is expanding, so that gives me lots to look forward to as well.

I love what our friends Mahesh and Bonnie Chavda are saying about his year, "The Lord is preparing a table before us in the midst of our enemies, so come and dine in 2009." This is particularly meaningful to me because I am still very much in the fight for my life, very much still surrounded by the enemy, but it is in that very place that God sets a table of provision, nourishment, sustenance and even celebration before us. This reference to Psalm 23 is a precious reminder to me that my God is with me, He is for me and He is my Provider and Defender. He is not the least bit intimidated by the enemy and so I don't need to be either. Happy New Year, and I pray His grace, peace, provision and defense be yours in abundance.

chemo #9 down

2008-12-31T22:52:00.000-08:00

I had my chemo treatment this morning. I reacted to the medication during the infusion. This medication can cause pain in the sinus area of the face if there is a reaction (I don't know why), that is what I experienced today. It also causes a bad headache that feels like a sinus headache that won't go away. I had/have that too. The good news is that I will still be able to take the medicine but they will slow the rate that they give the drug to me, that is supposed to reduce the symptoms. So it will just take a little longer to get the chemo infusion, but that's okay. The most important thing is that I can continue with the treatment.

I am not feeling well today, the treatment hit me pretty hard. I think it is the cumulative effect that is happening now in my body with the addition of each chemo treatment. I am feeling some nausea, though the three different anti-nausea medicines are helping some. I am drinking a lot of water like a good compliant patient and anticipate being up a number of times in the night, which is the desired effect (pls see "Starting New Chemo Medication Dec.31" post).

I have known and felt your prayer for me throughout the day. It feels like a warm blanket of peace and grace wrapped all around me. I am deeply thankful for that. Ron and I had a great talk about the Lord with a guy at chemo today too, that was really encouraging. He is a catholic christian with six kids and is really trusting in Jesus throughout his fight against cancer.

I am so thankful for each of you and am praying for a blessed and abundant New Year for you. I am praying that all that you have given to us in 2008 will be pressed down, shaken together and running over in your lives in 2009...exponential fruitfulness from your faithful sowing into our lives!

Happy New Year! love the Musch fam

Bill's surgery went well, thank you so much for praying!

2008-12-31T22:45:00.000-08:00

I wanted to let you all know how much I appreciate your prayers for my brother, Bill. A number of you have contacted me to let me know you are praying...I am so very grateful to you.

Bill's surgery went well today. It was shorter than they expected and they were able to remove all of the tumor. Thank you, Lord! There were no lymph nodes involved, which is always good news! He will be in the hospital for about 5 days, please continue to keep him and his dear family in your prayers. I don't know yet when the info from the biopsy will be returned but I would imagine sometime next week.

Thank you again so very much.

My brother, Bill, is having surgery on Dec. 31, please pray for him

2008-12-30T20:27:00.000-08:00

I am so very grateful for your steadfast prayer for me. There is someone very dear to me that I want to ask you to include when you pray for me. It is my brother, Bill.

He has been diagnosed with a rare tumor that is between his liver and his stomach. He is having surgery to remove it at 9AM on Wednesday, December 31. They know it is a Gastrointestinal Stromal Tumor (GIST). After the surgery, we should know if it is malignant or not. They expect the surgery to take 2-3 hours.

I know that his wife, his son, daughter and two step-daughters would also appreciate your prayer. My other two brothers and sister will be at the hospital during the surgery, I will be having chemo at that time. You can imagine that this is a lot for our family to handle. Knowing you are praying is a great comfort and encouragement. Again, I lack the ability to express how deeply grateful I am for your prayer. May God multiply abundantly back to you in every way for all that you are giving in prayer. Thank you.

My Fingers are Still Numb

2008-12-30T20:14:00.000-08:00

Some have asked about the status on my fingers and thumbs. They are still numb, though there are times when some of them are painful. I thought that perhaps any feeling was good, but I was told today during my oncology appointment that the pain is not good news. On the other hand, I was also told that nerves can come back up to a year out from treatment. So the good news is we have time to see God restore the feeling back to normal!

I can honestly say that I am not worried about my fingers. There is such a deep rest that God knows and will take care of me. The feeling I have reminds me of times when I have looked out over a lake early in the morning when the water looks like glass because the water is perfectly and deeply calm. Only God can give that kind of peace in the midst of such circumstances. I do know though that He responds to our prayers, that He calls us to partner with Him through prayer in what He is doing on this earth and in our lives. Your prayers, I am convinced, are being answered by God and are profoundly effecting my life. Thank you for such a precious gift.
with a deeply thankful heart,
Leslyn

Starting New Chemo Medication on Wed., Dec 31

2008-12-30T19:44:00.000-08:00

Tomorrow I begin a new chemo medication called Cytoxan. I have 4 treatments of this drug, given every two weeks for a total of 8 weeks. In two months I will be finished with chemotherapy. Knowing that really helps me to keep pushing forward, even though, honestly, I am dreading tomorrow.

This medication is supposed to make me very sick to my stomach again. Of the three medications that they are giving me during chemo, the first one I took was supposed to be the hardest, the one I just finished was supposed to be the easiest (if that was easy, yikes) and this one is supposed to be in the middle. Harder than the one I just took, but easier than the first one. I must say, the thought that Cytoxan is supposed to be harder than the one I just finished gives me pause... The Lord knows how much I can handle though and I know that He will not give me more than I can bear, so in that I am finding rest and strength to tackle what is before me.

Apparently, this drug, if looked at under a microscope is very spiky. So much so that if the drug stays any length of time in the bladder, it will cause the bladder to bleed. So I am supposed to drink a lot of water and drink a lot just before going to bed tomorrow night so that I wake up during the night. I think my eyes are going to start floating soon!

The most concerning side-effect of the medicine (if the bladder thing was not enough) is that when given with Herceptin (the drug I have infused every week) it can cause permanent heart damage. Would you please pray especially for protection for my heart. Needless to say, I want to come through this with a healthy and strong heart. I am asking the Lord for a full restoration of my health by the time I get to the end of this journey of fighting cancer. I am asking that my heart would be wholly protected throughout my treatment.

I am so grateful for your prayers! I hope you all had a wonderful Christmas. Thank you too for praying for me during Christmas. I know that you were because I did well and was able to enjoy time with family. It was really great.

Thank you for my birthday blessings and encouragement

2008-12-23T16:46:00.000-08:00

Thank you to all of you who sent me your birthday blessings and encouragement yesterday. I was extremely touched by the love and kindness that you showered on me. You all are such a blessing to me. with much love, Leslyn

2/3 Through with Chemo!

2008-12-23T16:14:00.000-08:00

With my last Taxol treatment last Thursday, I hit the 2/3 point in my chemo therapy! I have 8 treatments down and 4 to go (8 more weeks). They cut my last Taxol treatment down by 25% for which I am very grateful because I have had pretty severe bone pain since that treatment. I can only imagine what it would be like if I had had a full dose!

My fingers are still numb and I find I drop things a lot, but the burning and itching seems to be getting better so I am grateful for that.

My red blood cells continue to be low, basically causing me to be anemic and really tired, but the great news is that my liver and pancreas levels have come up to normal. So we are making progress. Please keep praying, your prayers are prevailing!

The final bit of good news is that my physical therapist is really pleased with my progress. I have regained almost all of the range of motion in my left arm. I will continue with the stretches and exercises she gave me over the next few months and then go back to see her after I have recovered from radiation therapy. Radiation effects the cells, skin and muscle, so I may need some more physical therapy later, but for now I am moving well. Again, thank you for your faithful prayers for me, I know my progress is a direct result of God's gracious intervention.

Infection Is All Cleared Up!

2008-12-23T16:10:00.000-08:00

Thank you so much for praying re: the infection. I can't remember when an infection has cleared up so quickly and easily. I even had a bonus, I didn't realize until about three days into the antibiotic that I had a sinus infection too until it started draining and cleared right up from the antibiotics. So I got a "two-fer"-- two fer the price of one!

The toxicity levels in my body are getting high

2008-12-16T19:37:00.001-08:00

I found out today that my body is getting pretty toxic from the Taxol treatments. For the past 5 days the tips of my fingers and thumbs have been numb and have stayed that way. Before, the numbness would come and go, so this is a significant change. Peripheral neuropathy (numbness in the hands and feet) is one of the side effects of Taxol.

Please pray that the numbness goes away because sometimes it can be permanent. I continue to have itching and burning sensations that come and go in my hands and feet as well. Imagine the worst possible case of poison oak under the skin of your hands and feet and you can imagine what it feels like. It is very intense. It lasts anywhere from 30 minutes to most of the day. I have also developed a bladder infection. Kathleen put me on antibiotics today to try and clear it up. I am so grateful she did because it has gotten worse as the day has gone on, so hopefully I will feel better in a couple of days. Please pray for the healing of this infection, I don't respond real well to antibiotics so I really need God's supernatural intervention and healing.

Because of the numbness, infection, anemia and overall not-doing-real-well, they have decided to reduce the amount of Taxol they are going to give me on Thursday. It is a delicate balance they try to find between attacking cancer cells that might be lurking in my body and not overloading my system with too many toxins. They said that the amount they are reducing it by will not diminish the overall effectiveness of my treatment, which is good news! I really do need your prayer for healing, grace, strength and a supernatural ability for my body to process the toxins from the chemo.

My next chemo treatment is Thursday at 9:30AM. It is my last 5 hour Taxol treatment. The next chemo drug I will be taking has a shorter infusion time, so I am grateful for that. I will tell you more about that drug later...

I like my radiation oncologist a lot

2008-12-16T19:16:00.000-08:00

Thanks so much for praying for my appointment with the radiation oncologist, it went really well and went a long way to making me feel better about the whole thing. They have come a long way in the last few years with radiation treatment, there are not as many severe side effects as there used to be, which was, I think, the source of some of my fear. She is a great doctor and I feel very confident that she is the right doctor for me. Ron and I had a great conversation with her about the true meaning of Christmas, she brought it up when she found out we had been missionaries and are pastors. God is amazing. She is a beautiful and brilliant Iranian woman, please pray that she finds Jesus, the true meaning of Christmas that she is seeking.

I will be having 6 weeks of radiation. I will go daily, Monday through Friday, with the weekends off. It looks like we will begin treatment in early March. We still have to firm up the dates. I will meet with her again at the end of my chemo treatment to start all of the preliminary appointments that I will need to have before the treatment begins. I guess there are some tests and a bunch of measurements that they have to do before they actually start the radiation treatments. My next appointment is not until February, so I have some time yet.

One big relief is that they don't have to radiate under my arm. They are just going to radiate my chest wall muscles and lymph nodes and the lymph nodes in my neck. I will give more details about how to pray for all of that as we get closer, in the mean time, I am just going to enjoy the fact that it is still two months away.

Seeing the Radiation Oncologist Today

2008-12-10T11:52:00.000-08:00

I have an appointment with the Radiation Oncologist today at 3:00pm. I don't really know what to expect, though I think we are deciding on how long radiation will take and they will hopefully give me an overview of what will be happening with this process. I think one of the biggest issues we will decide is whether or not to radiate my left under arm. I know they are going to radiate my chest wall and neck. The lymph nodes under my arm are a big deal because I don't have many left and apparently it can negatively impact my left arm and hand. I will know more, I am sure, by this afternoon.

I don't expect to actually begin radiation until March, but I understand that there are a number of things they need to do before they begin, so hence the appointment now. Please pray for wisdom as we go to this appointment. I must admit that radiation scares me a bit, but I am trusting in God's presence, wisdom and goodness in this even as He has been faithful to me until now.

Chemo #7 down

2008-12-04T17:16:00.000-08:00

Just got home from chemo # 7. I am feeling pretty drained and tired so am writing to you from bed. I bet I will sleep great tonight though!!

The next week, as my body processes the chemo, neulasta and herceptin, will be very challenging with the bone/muscle pain and I would so appreciate your prayer.

I thought I would include a picture of my bald head. I was thinking that if there is a storm this Christmas, Santa could use my glowing white head to guide his way and give Rudolph the night off!!

I pray God's peace guards your heart and mind this Christmas season and that your eyes are set unwaveringly on our beautiful Savior, Jesus, who came to set us free and give us life abundantly and filled with His love.